to feel 'fat' 6 months after child birth

[almostheadgirl]

please go easy on me - new poster...feel I need some perspective here. Is it unreasonable to expect to be 'back to normal' weight 6 mths after having 2nd baby? I'm 5ft 9 and 10st 7 - normally I'm about 9 stone but put on 4 stone (I know!!) during both pregnancies. Help me get some much needed perspective. AIBU to think and feel VERY chunky at this weight? Sorry if this seems a needy post, I realise I very probably am BU, but sleep deprivation and general exhaustion genuinely does make me feel very 'bleugh' about it all. Any encouragement would go a long way! Should add, obviously all worth it, I love my babies beyond anything, but really struggling with this.

Well, you're an inch taller than me and lighter than I was both pre-and-post baby. I don't think I'm fat, so it's highly unlikely you look it. In fact I was your weight for my wedding and think I looked fantastic.

Having a baby can knock your confidence generally I think. I know I spent months afterwards feeling drab and dowdy - I'd catch sight of my reflection and think "who the fuck are you?"

A bit of a make-over can work wonders. You might not want to buy a lot of clothes if you want to lose weight (though I reiterate you're a healthy weight for your height and don't need to), but one or two outfits you feel good in might help. Or if not maybe get your hair done, try out some make up - something to make you feel like your old self again.

You can't be unreasonable on this one.

If you're unhappy with the 4 stones you've gained, then take a serious look into how you're going to go about losing it, as long as you think the time is right for you.

You might find some helpful advice in the weight loss topic.

I found it took me 6 months to shed baby weight after dc1 but over 12 months and the use of WW to recover after dc2 and I didn't have as much weight to lose as you so it sounds like you're making great progress. Keep going. :-)

Seriously! You are near the bottom of the bmi charts at your current weight,at your previous weight you were borderline underweight. Deal with it YABVU

YABU. IMO, 9 months on, 12 months off. I say 12 months because I don't count the first three months of a baby's life; you're far too busy establishing a routine and pecking at bits of random food at that time.

I found breastfeeding at night only during the weaning stage helped me lose weight quicker with both my babies.

Thanks so much for replies!
No - not breast feeding anymore, unfortunately - wish had been able to keep it up but really struggled.
TheBookofRuth: Thanks, your post brought a tear to my eye - really kind words. You are so right about the confidence thing and shift in identity. It is the oddest feeling and I don't think anything prepares you for it. Thank you so much for your encouraging words and the reassurance re the actual lbs and stones!
WorraLiberty: Thanks, yes. I have found some great ideas etc on those threads (lurking) and I have been looking very seriously at it all - I have been eating very healthily and restricting carbs etc for last few months, I guess I just need to be patient. Also, I think I need to exercise more but very hard with 2 under two and v little sleep.
Maxpower - that's really interesting, thanks for sharing and for the encouraging words. So much harder this time around.

Goal - thanks, I probably do need to shake myself, yes. Trying very hard to 'deal with it' I guess it is just easier said than done.

For your height you don't sound at all fat - in fact 10stone7 at 5ft9 sounds slim.
The other thing is - don't just look at weight, for instance muscle weighs more than fat - I'm heavier than I was, but much more muscly (I think its all the walking pushing a pram, plus carrying a baby) - I definitely have more arm muscle, and better leg muscles.

I'm 5 months post natal after DC3 and I'm still nowhere near the weight I'd like to be (well, actually I don't weigh myself, I mean dress size).
I'm BFing but in all honesty I haven't made much effort to lose any weight yet. I'm just going to take it easy for 9 months and then, if I have to, blitz it 3 months before I go back to work.
Things I've found that've made me feel better:
Haircut, eyebrows threaded, new skin care/make up, new perfume, couple of new dresses that make me look nice, not frumpy, ditto a new pair of shoes.

You'll get back to how you were, if that's what you want, you might just have to be patient.

Yanbu

I am 9 months post dc2 and finding it tough to get back into pre-pregnancy shape. But is it even possible after 2+ dc??

Fwiw I seemed to gain lots of weight after I completely stopped BFing, belly, bum, hips all popped out. Still got plenty some belly fat to lose otherwise I am okish, size 8/10.
Mental note - hoppin stop trying to squeeze into your pre-first pregnancy clothes as you are always left feeling shite and its simply wishful thinking OP I think its time we stopped trying to turn back time and learnt to love our stretch marked frumpy lovely bodies.

I have three children and it has taken me longer to loose weight with each child. After 'springing back' first time around the subsequent times have been a right PITA. It does happen though, eventually.

I've taken up excersise this time after being activity phobic since I started secondary school and it's actually ok and great to leave the house, kid free, for an hour or so!

I am also 5'9, also six months post 2nd baby, also put on 4 stone in each pregnancy and I was delighted with myself this morning when I stepped on the scales to see I now weigh 12 stone. The last 4 pounds were courtesy of a bout of stomach flu that ripped through my household this week but silver linings...

Give yourself a break OP, it feels shit to not enjoy your body and I get that but you just don't have room for extra pressure on top of two little ones. It'll happen. I'm aiming to get back to my pre pregnancy weight of 10 stone but don't expect to get there for another 6 months. Once DS2 is off the boob I'll probably low-carb if I still need to shift some fat.

Exercise is awesome in and of itself, I am learning to run with the couch 2 5k app and I love it for the time away it gives me and the space and freedom away from the family for 30 mins.

We all feel comfortable and uncomfortable at different weights. I'd love to be your weight but that doesn't mean you're comfy at it. Also pregnancies really change our bodies, so despite the fact I'm still fat (well i was before my two pregnancies and DS is only 8 months) the places my fat sits is totally different. Its nearly all on my tummy now, where it did at least have a decent spread before so didn't look like buddha-with-hair. I still feel like this isn't my body, my body doesn't do what this one does.

Also the pregnancies have screwed my SI area so badly I'm on heavy pain medication and I'm not sure when that's going to end so exercise is out the window until this heals. Something had to give and I started 5:2 8 weeks ago, I'm now at a mega high 30lb loss which is great (I have no clue how that happened, but it is slowing now). I now have some curves in the right places if you look at me straight on but sideways I still have a massive pot belly! I hate it.

Sorry let me get this straight.... You put on 4stone. You are now 10 7 and used to be 9 4? So you've actually lost most of the weight, just a stone left?

So why aren't you happy? You've done most of the work! This sounds like confidence not weight and 10 7 is a perfectly normal weight at your height.

Try Naomi stadlen "what mothers do" it might help you realise how much you do do so u realise your identity better? Dunno if that makes sense or not?

erm, actually 10.7 isn't a bad weight for your height. I understand that you may be a bit uncomfortable, but you must have been very slender at nine stone. Do be careful.

Can I suggest you throw out the scales? Seriously they will just make you neurotic about every pound. It's nonsense. Just judge by how your clothes fit and whether you are happy.

At 5ft 9 and 10 stone ish you must be very slim.

I am 5ft 7 and 12 stone thereabouts. I am a size 14-16 now and pre babies I was a size 8. It's not come off in the last ten years since I had my dd and the only way I can lose it is intense dieting and exercise which I don't enjoy. So I have come to terms with being my new size.

I'd try not to get obsessive over your weight. It's just going to make you even more miserable.

YANBU to feel fat even though you're probably not fat :)

I think it takes a year or more for everything to settle down and that includes the hormones that make you feel this way too!

I was light before my first but put on 3 1/2 stone - I just didn't stop eating the whole way through lol! After a year maybe a bit more I was back to normal but at 6 months still had a lot of the extra weight. I wasn't fat just bigger than I was used to.

Now I'm 12 weeks pregnant again and the constant eating has started early :D

Lots of family actually said I looked better with the extra weight you might be the same!

I did the shred when my baby was about 5 months I think. It was more about toning what I had for me than losing more weight.

YANBU if you don't feel comfortable at your own weight as long as you don't have any self-esteem issues. THe biggest thing you can do is try to get more sleep though. There is a proven link between weight loss and sleep deprivation and stress. They both encourage you to store weight around your middle as your body goes into survival mode.

That's interesting Dahlen I always associated stress with causing more weight loss!

Internet is a good place for this type of question.

I didn't want to share the fact that I felt a bit strange being bigger than I was used to. Husband warned I might get chased out of mother and baby group with pitch forks if I wandered in saying how fat I felt... He's good at putting things into perspective though :D

Ds3 will be 7 next month and I am still trying to lose the "baby weight" (not helpful)

Just logged back in and I'm really overwhelmed by the replies - has made me feel sooo much better, I can't tell you the difference you've all made. Been a bit scared to 'admit' my feelings out loud as I guess just feel bad 'complaining' when am so fortunate to have happy healthy babies, but I feel greatly reassured by all your posts. Sorry not to reply individually but typing very quickly with baby/toddler in arm! Have ordered that book 'what mothers do' as recommended, so thanks for that! And it has really helped me to hear so many of you say that 10 and a half stone is an ok size for my height/stage post birth. You've all helped me gain some much needed perspective. I am going to re-read this thread and be kinder to myself. I know it isn't very 'mumsnet' to do kisses, but a big hug to you all.

Hi

For me it wasnt so much weight as body shape- too much wobbled. After dc2 I joined gym with a chreche. Made me feel good, more happy with bod and made some new friends.

I am 5'7" and weigh 9 stone 5 and look skinny. At 5'9" and 9 stone you would look positively skeletal.

At 10 stone 7 your weight is bang in the middle of the healthy BMI range. Perhaps you just need to tone up a little rather than lose weight.