Was I being selfish and precious about ds?

[Albertinaschnauzer]

Ds has ASD, he is 11. Tonight we went out to dinner with a family member who knows ds very well, knows he has ASD, though does make the odd comment about discipline in the early years might have made difference . Ds didn't really want to go but did because I asked him to. I promised him I would make him pizza when we got home.

Anyway we all ate dinner, ds had a few fries, which he finished quickly. He then sat and waited for us all to finish, he was so so good as he struggles with waiting because of his ASD. We all finished but the family member had nearly a full pint of beer left. I looked round and saw that ds was close to tears, but still sitting there not complaining, so I said to family member, we had better head off now they said in a surprised tone "really? don't I even get a chance to finish my drink?" It was nearly a full pint and would have taken quite a long while. No one else was drinking alcohol. I felt a bit surprised and embarassed and just sat there for a moment, then I looked at ds's face again and decided I had to do what was best for him even at the risk of us being seen as rude. I said (although they already know!) that waiting is not easy for him and I was then told that I spoil ds, that I treat him like an 8 week old baby! I ignored, we left.

So was I in the wrong?

He was fine thanks Dawn I got him out in time .

YANBU. But I might just perfect to say at the beginning of the evening: "I am expecting a call and if it comes DS and I will have to head home because there means there's an emergency. Xx hope u are both oK

YANBU and your DS did really well to cope with that.

Yanbu, as others have said some people just don't get it, it's upsetting though when it's family. I was at a family event a few weeks ago and ds who also has AS was soaked with a water gun. He came crying to me and I was about to comfort him and try and explain to him what had happened and why (kids messing around playing water fights but he didn't understand and thought it was malicious and was very distressed) but another relative said I've to leave him alone and stop smothering him or nobody would like him .

Is it possible your family member wanted to spend time with and didn't know how to say?

Your DS did really well and you did the right thing.

You know what - I've 4 kids and Don't know I'm talking about!

You did the right thing, the meltdown which could have followed would have been harder to manage.
My ds doesnt like waiting either so I get him ready last of all because I know that after 5 minutes all hell will break loose.

Did your son eat a pudding or just fries? I try to stretch the meal out by ordering pudding at the same time as mains but ask then to serve after we have esten mains.

No brainer. My son is 6 with ASD and I am still getting the hang of not worrying what other people think but, yes he comes first.

Well done to your son! I have no experience of asd but it seems like he tried very hard in what was a very difficult situation for him. You must be very proud.

Fwiw I think you were in the right to put him first, sod your family member. He was horribly rude anyway!

I would be proud of him that he tried very hard- it wasn't fair to then push it further.

Yanbu at all. Sound like your relative is an arse.

Can I ask why, with the history, you went out with him (your relative not your son) in the first place?

YANBU? and your DS did very well indeed! On the other hand - did you tell the relative before the event that you would need to leave as soon as you had all had finished eating? Or that you didn?t expect to be able to stay for more than an hour, or that you couldn?t predict how long you?d be able stay? Or whatever.

You know, your DS might not be the only family member who?s a wee bit spectrummy, and who'd cope a lot better when they?re told in advance what to expect

No, you did the right thing, your relative is an arse and DS pushed his boundaries as far as he could without a meltdown, which is very impressive.
I hope he enjoyed his pizza.

Oh, and the water fight thing tiger? I used to be accused of helicopter parenting when DS was younger. Too right I was a helicopter parent. It wasn't my son I was protecting, however.
We used to call it the Krakatoa moment. He didn't cry, he destroyed the thing that was distressing him.

YANBU. I actually think its rude to drink pints if not everyone is! it always throws things out of sync and the non-pint-drinkers have to wait for the pint-drinkers to finish. It's a pet hate of mine.

YANBU

I think that there are asome people who are so narrow minded they will never accept that some behaviour/ emotions are down to ASD. It is a great shame one of them is in your family.

Your son did really well, OP