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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not make a massive effort for Father's Day for dh?

30 replies

Stillhopingstillhere · 14/06/2013 11:19

For Father's Day this year ds and I have made a card and I have bought dh a golf belt (£40). Fair enough he chose it himself so it isn't a surprise but at least it's something he wants. £40 is at the very top end of what I can afford so he won't be getting anything else. Ds told him there was a surprise - meaning the card - and dh got all excited about what it might be. Then looked crestfallen when I warned him not to get too excited he was only having his belt! He will also get breakfast in bed Sunday morning.

For mother's I chose myself a swimsuit from tesco (£15 I think or thereabouts), dh gave me the money. He didn't wrap it and presented it in a tesco bag. I had a shop brought card with 'from your little girl' on it, dh had crossed out girl and written 'boy' apparently he got it Saturday evening and it was the only thing our newsagent had left. Then he left me to get up with ds, had a lie in himself and buggered off to play golf.

So I actually think compared to the level of thought put into Mother's Day he can't really complain! Aibu?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/06/2013 11:22

I think you both sound bonkers tbh

He's not your Father and you're not his Mother

A homemade card from your DS should be enough, until he's old enough to buy a gift/make breakfast.

GladbagsGold · 14/06/2013 11:22

Hmm. He sounds thoughtless and I wouldn't feel inclined to do lots of thoughtful things for him. Then again it sounds kind of tit for tat.

You don't sound like you like your DH very much tbh.

Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 14/06/2013 11:26

It isn't really. I would maybe have liked a homemade card but not that fussed. Appreciate ds is too young to do these things for himself yet but have to say everyone I know irl buys in behalf of their small children until they're old enough to do so for themselves.
I was just a bit surprised he was expecting more.

OP posts:
thebody · 14/06/2013 11:27

Grow up.

LieweHeksie · 14/06/2013 11:28

never crossed my mind to buy DH a grownup type present.

I'll happily help the boys scrawl on a card or make shit cupcakes, but the only person I buy a proper present for is my dad.

WorraLiberty · 14/06/2013 11:28

It's just that with him choosing himself a golf belt and you choosing yourself a swimsuit...where on earth does your child come into this?

I think you've possibly both forgotten the meaning of Father's day/Mother's day.

absentmindeddooooodles · 14/06/2013 11:30

My 2 year old and his dad went to pick some daffodills for me this year and gave me a homemade card. Was absoloutley perfect. I find it really strange that you chose presents for each other etc. Fair play he could make more of an effort, but even if the kid is months old, get some paints out and do a nice handprint or something! Honestly.

NatashaBee · 14/06/2013 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dreamingbohemian · 14/06/2013 11:33

Er, I don't know why you're getting the 'grow up' type comments OP, I agree it's okay to get cards and presents for each other when your DC are still young.

Some people do presents, some don't, neither is more right than the other.

I think tbh after his lack of effort on mother's day, why bother doing so much on father's day? If he doesn't think it's a big deal and that's fine then he can't expect a big deal for him too.

PurpleBlossom · 14/06/2013 11:33

It's such a shame that Mothers'/ Fathers' Day is used as a competition on who can make the least effort.

Why don't you just agree to not do M/Ds' Day until DS is old enough to care, then it would save all this nonsense.

cory · 14/06/2013 11:34

What's wrong with a homemade card and toast and juice in bed? Any child old enough to tell his dad there's a surprise should be able to manage that. Agree that the child seems to have totally got lost in all this.

PurpleBlossom · 14/06/2013 11:34

Ms'/Fs' Day*

Original poster
Stillhopingstillhere · 14/06/2013 11:34

It didn't bother me until he was a bit put out that I hadn't done more for him!

OP posts:
OneLittleToddleTerror · 14/06/2013 11:36

I'm just going to make pancakes for DH on fathers day. He usually does the sunday pancakes, so I think it's fair he gets a day off. Otherwise, he's not getting anything until DD is old enough to choose and ask. At 2, she doesn't know what is mother/father's day. Her nursery might make something for DH though. They did a daffodil and a card for mother's day.

OneLittleToddleTerror · 14/06/2013 11:37

Oh I see stillhoping. I think he's BU. He didn't make much of an effort, did he? How about having a chat about it and see if you can come to an agreement on what's expected?

PeppermintPasty · 14/06/2013 11:38

Hand made cards from dc here. 6yo does his own and 3 yo did hers at nursery so I didn't have to thank god

We don't do presents as a rule, but I have to say this year my dp will be getting a mug: our little girl marched right up to it in a shop and said "This is Daddy". The shop assistant and I fell about so he will be getting a coffee in bed on Sunday morning with a nice new mug with Mr Grumpy on it.

YonicTheHedgehog · 14/06/2013 11:38

No massive effort here. DH is getting a card and a keyring that I DD made at toddler group.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 14/06/2013 11:46

I don't buy anything for my husband for father's day, I buy for my dad. This year DH is getting a home made card each from the girls and a key ring with their photo on. I am quite tempted with a Mr Grumpy mug though Wink

MommyBird · 14/06/2013 12:05

For mothers day i had tea and breakfast in bed, with a card, some flowers and a box of chocolates :) it was perfect.
For fathers day we've got him a shirt, a dad mug, loads of sweets, a card, key ring and a certificate. and breakfast in bed.
Our 3 year old chose what she wanted to get us.
Its not about money its about being a mom and dad. i cant wait till shes old enough to make homemade stuff!

TotallyBursar · 14/06/2013 12:23

I think the pertinent question is actually : Is your dh always so selfish, thoughtless and lazy? Or is it only when it comes to you?

I don't care who buys gifts vs who doesn't, it makes not a jot of difference to my life.
But arse aching because he wants more than a £40 gift - after being thoughtless and bone idle when it came to treating you, well - that is twat behaviour. If it acts like a twat, sounds like a twat and looks like a twat - is it a twat? Certainly isn't a duck.

OhTheConfusion · 14/06/2013 14:15

I feel tight now!

DH is getting a nice card, a new keyring (we have just moved house) and an afternoon at a local national trust museum (using our pass) and coffee and cake in their cafe.

PatPig · 14/06/2013 14:18

We don't do Father's Day here. It's bullshit

SonOfAradia · 14/06/2013 14:51

I'd find it very odd to get a Father's Day present from DW. I'm not her Dad. The most I'd expect is that she might help DS (6) making a card and that's it.

attheendoftheday · 14/06/2013 20:37

YANBU, but where does it end? Will your dh do less on mother's day next year in turn? I think that you need to talk about your expectations together.

It sounds like the real issue might be to do with not feeling your dh pulls his weight at the weekends, am I right?

LindyHemming · 14/06/2013 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.