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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to report this pic posted by my Father as his Facebook Profile Picture

74 replies

MrRected · 14/06/2013 03:21

My father and I don't communicate. He is an abusive, unrepentant twat. After an horrendous childhood and a bumpy adult relationship - I ended up cutting myself off from him a few years ago.

My DH and I have a policy of no profile pics of our children on FB - probably a little OTT but there are too many nutters in the world and we prefer to share photos of our little darlings selectively.

So, you'd imagine my surprise, when idly googling my DF, to see he has pinched a photo of our children from DH's Aunties FB and posted it as his profile picture. A typical passive aggressive thing for him to do.

So here is the AIBU dilemma? I decided, rather than open a can of worms and contact him directly to ask him to remove the picture that I would report the picture to FB as my intellectual property and ask them to ensure it was removed on the basis that this is an unauthorised picture of my children.

Was this unreasonable?

OP posts:
BegoniaBampot · 14/06/2013 09:49

OP - at first I thought YWBU a little but given your history with your dad it is completely reasonable to be upset over this. YABNU at all.

crumblepie · 14/06/2013 09:54

yanbu i can understand you being pissed off op , and glad you let the aunt know even though she wasnt much help ,i can understand you looking him up as well even after what he put you through , you dont have to justify to anyone why you were looking him up .

WinkyWinkola · 14/06/2013 09:54

Yanbu yanbu yanbu.

And it sounds like you need to stop seeing those relatives who think you're a "bit mad" after everything your dad put you though.

I think it's inevitable that those who have had a bad time in their childhoods will be very protective over their dcs.

I would t let your aunt take pics of your dcs, op, if she's not going to respect your privacy wrt your vile father.

WilsonFrickett · 14/06/2013 09:58

He took the picture because he hoped you'd see it. He did it to needle you, to get inside your head. So by contacting him or fb, you're letting him win. Far, far better for you to simply block him - then you won't be tempted to look him up again (I absolutely understand why you did).

I have no doubt he's using the pic to prove some sort of 'oh I am an amazing parent and grandparent' schtick to himself. And I can understand how enraging this is for you, I'm a bit Hmm about some of the replies you've received tbh. Take care of yourself, disengage from the situation, and if your family don't take you seriously, tbh I'd be seriously considering disengaging from them too.

((hugs))

fishfingericecream · 14/06/2013 09:59

YANBU, I am wondering if you ask Facebook to ban photo if your father will replace it with another photo of your kids because he knows he is hurting you. Maybe leaving it would be better and he will get bored and take it down when he doesn't get the desired effect, eg hurting you. Just an idea.

I do understand your concerns though, I am sorry you are in this position.

Fairyloo · 14/06/2013 09:59

Sorry op I didn't really understand the context to your story (as you wouldn't from your initial post!!)

Yanbu

miemohrs · 14/06/2013 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WinkyWinkola · 14/06/2013 10:07

Yes, ignore what your father has done with the picture but make sure he has no access to any other photos.

fishfingericecream · 14/06/2013 10:09

Yes, important to make sure he has no access to any other photos.

Fakebook · 14/06/2013 10:16

I don't think YABU at all!

You have no relationship with this man. He's been abusive towards you when you were a child, and he's effectively stolen a pic and put it up as a profile pic so he seems like a loving and caring grandfather when he so isn't.
That would flipping piss me off too.

I'm not sure if fb will remove the pic as its not your intellectual property, it's your aunt's. even if your aunt reported it, I doubt they'd remove it. I've had pics stolen from my cover pics folder and fb didn't remove them from the thief's wall.

FreudiansSlipper · 14/06/2013 10:24

YANBU

He knows what he is doing and it is hard to cut yourself off from a parent it is hard not to care

You need to be very clear with people that you do not want pictures of your children put online, private fb or not it is easy to hack into and easy to copy. You do not have to explain why your ask them not to

HeffalumpTheFlump · 14/06/2013 10:36

YANBU - I would be fuming. I'm so sorry he has treated you like he has, and that he is continuing to fuck with your head. How dare he use pictures of your dc's?!?! He lost the right to have any association with them through treating you how he did.

I hope you have support in rl with dealing with the effect of his abuse. Sending you lots of support x

shadylady89 · 14/06/2013 10:42

YANBU. Social networking sites are full of people who use them to bully, control, and generally get at others for reasons known only to themselves. Unfortunately, posting the picture on FB has put it in the public domain, so as Fakebook says it's probably too late to undo that.

plainjaney · 14/06/2013 11:12

YANBU, but I think by doing something about it you are playing the game he's intended you to play. He's got you wound up and desperately trying to remove it. By simply ignoring it you aren't playing his game and he doesn't win. By getting FB to remove it he will know you have been looking him up...

As for the pedophile wankfest. There YABU, sorry.

Original poster
MrRected · 14/06/2013 11:21

Thank you all. I have blocked him and as much as it pains me to do it, I will let it go. Simply not worth the complications of engaging with him.

You have all helped me so much. Even the ones that said IWBU - have given me the added resolve, in a way.

MN at its best. Thanks to you all :)

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/06/2013 11:43

Thanks back atcha

DiaryOfAWimpyMum · 14/06/2013 11:53

My xh took the only one of our DC, it looks kinda silly tbh as they were very little in the picture as it was 2007/2008 I asked Facebook to take it down they refused and said to 'send a message to xh to let him know he was upsetting me' Hmm

I hope they take you seriously

SybilRamkin · 14/06/2013 13:43

YADNBU! (((OP)))

Morloth · 14/06/2013 13:48

Ditch the Aunt as well, she is giving him access to your life.

pigletmania · 14/06/2013 14:04

Yanbu at all [fliowers]

pigletmania · 14/06/2013 14:04

Meant Flowers

MrsMeow · 14/06/2013 18:13

MrRected, I understand completely. My father would do the same thing if he were on FB. You're not BU at all.

Could you hide your pics from your Aunt as well, or anyone that your father would be able to save them from?

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 14/06/2013 19:13

I think it's fair enough but why not ask the dh's aunt to take it down too as she is also using a picture of your child on her facebook page?

MrsGSR · 15/06/2013 00:07

I don't think you're being unreasonable, and I also think there is a difference between a family member having pictures of your dcs that only her friends can see and your dad having a public picture anyone can look at, especially if he never sees them. Even without a back story I would be annoyed.

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