Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to report this pic posted by my Father as his Facebook Profile Picture

74 replies

MrRected · 14/06/2013 03:21

My father and I don't communicate. He is an abusive, unrepentant twat. After an horrendous childhood and a bumpy adult relationship - I ended up cutting myself off from him a few years ago.

My DH and I have a policy of no profile pics of our children on FB - probably a little OTT but there are too many nutters in the world and we prefer to share photos of our little darlings selectively.

So, you'd imagine my surprise, when idly googling my DF, to see he has pinched a photo of our children from DH's Aunties FB and posted it as his profile picture. A typical passive aggressive thing for him to do.

So here is the AIBU dilemma? I decided, rather than open a can of worms and contact him directly to ask him to remove the picture that I would report the picture to FB as my intellectual property and ask them to ensure it was removed on the basis that this is an unauthorised picture of my children.

Was this unreasonable?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/06/2013 06:49

Whoa!!

There are some strangely unsympathetic replies on here

Op, yanbu and I hope FB will take you seriously

What a very fucked up family you have, I am so sorry

kelda · 14/06/2013 06:53

YANBU. Presumably you've asked the auntie to remove it as well?

How did your father get the photo - is he friends with your dh's auntie or did she have the photos on public?

Original poster
MrRected · 14/06/2013 06:58

I am so thankful to those of you have posted so kindly. Thank you.

My father is a master at appearing like a saint. He will go to almost any lengths to keep up appearances. For this reason, DH's auntie thinks I am a bit mad and refuses to stop posting pics on her profile - my dad and her are friends, so he has free access to her pics. He manipulates most situations and she believes he couldn't hurt a fly :(.

He is only using this picture to wind me up and make me realise that he still has the control.

OP posts:
Carolra · 14/06/2013 07:02

The Facebook T&Cs say that any photos posted to their site become "theirs", you lose your copywrite/intellectual property etc just by posting them up there... The site is designed to promote photo sharing etc so I don't think they'd consider this a "stolen" photo.

I'm completely on your side, I think what he has done is terrible and you have every right to be upset. Unfortunately I don't think Facebook will care a jot... There are other sites that allow you to share photos with much better security, I'd use them instead of Facebook for pics of your dcs. Good luck getting anything useful from the Facebook people!

MrsSchadenfreude · 14/06/2013 07:08

"It could be used - in very crass terms for paedophiles to wank over."

Really? I can see why you're angry at him having your photo, but this? Why not ban eg the Mini Boden catalogue in case it becomes a wankfest for paedophiles.

So YANBU to be cross that he has obtained your photo through nefarious means, but YABU to think it could be used by paedophiles.

xylem8 · 14/06/2013 07:12

they are your aunts photos so surely her intellectual property. Your dad is going to blame her for getting the photo pulled. I think you are being precious anybody could take a picture of your kids io the street or in the park and use it to yank over.

HollyBerryBush · 14/06/2013 07:12

Don't give the Auntie any more pictures!

If it's one thing I have picked up from MN of any value, it is the phrase "don't give them headspace then they can't fuck with your mind", granted that is easier said than done.

Block your fathers profile so you can't see him or google him - that really is the simplest way. Then tell yourself 'it's a picture' just a picture.

cornypedicure · 14/06/2013 07:13

Your dad sounds like a manipulative bully. I think that your auntie must know what he's like in her heart - surely posting the pics should be enough to show your auntie that he's trying to upset you.

I'm really sorry that you're going through this OP - it must be awful for you.

sweetestcup · 14/06/2013 07:14

Im kind of thinking the photo and fb aren't really the issue at all, and its about the control issues in your relationship with your Father, of which you have said this is an example. Emotional damage from childhood can and often does last well into adulthood causing problems. Its actually really common for victims of abuse to have all these mixed feelings, especially when the perpetrator is a parent, the one person in the world who's meant to love, care and protect us. I think you could benefit from talking about your feelings and hope it works out for you. He can only have power if you let him, you have cut him off and he doesn't see you or your children, hes the loser....doesnt matter how many pics hes posts its not real and never will be.

chicaguapa · 14/06/2013 07:15

I'm sorry this has happened and I can understand why it makes you angry.

Firstly, I wouldn't contact your father because he's doing this for a reaction so don't give him one.

I'm not sure you can do anything about it now it's on there, but if you want to make sure they can't be identified as your DC, I would defriend anyone you and your father share on Facebook.

I would also take it up with your aunt if she's putting pics of your DC on Facebook against your wishes. Whether or not she agrees with your reasons for not wanting them on there, they're your DC and she should respect that.

HTH.

HollyBerryBush · 14/06/2013 07:17

BTW - you can request from FB that the picture is removed - it is a bit of urban legend that once a picture is posted it is public property, it isn't legally.

digital.community-journalism.net/askanexpert/answers/can-i-use-facebook-photo-news-story-with

AS FB is a US entity - you would need to use this www.copyright.gov/onlinesp/

TheBirdsFellDownToDingADong · 14/06/2013 07:18

You are actually, I think BU about the picture and the paedophile-wanking comment is irrelevant (as well as spurious)

But your issues aren't the picture. They are your father. And your feelings about him are totally NOT unreasonable. I agree with the suggestion of moving this topic (or maybe starting another?) on relationships. You have a truck load of stuff to work through wrt your relationship with him I think. If you want to. If you need to. If you're ready to.

SoupDragon · 14/06/2013 07:21

Who took the photo?

mummytime · 14/06/2013 07:23

I don't think you are BU at all.

CinnabarRed · 14/06/2013 07:39

Another one suggesting you repost in the Relationships section - you will find boundless sympathy and support there.

((((OP))))

scarletforya · 14/06/2013 07:54

YANBU

Very suprised at the unsympathetic replies.

I don't think some people 'get' abuse OP. There's also a fashion on MN not to appear hysterical about pedos. So much so at times that people almost go to the other extreme to prove they are 'unreactionary'.

You did the right thing OP. It disgusts me to hear that this manipulative man has appropriated the image from your dhs Aunts FB and used them on his own.

Obviously the worry is he is trying to disseminate images that show him as a happy family man when he is anything but. I completely understand your being creeped out by it.

NynaevesSister · 14/06/2013 08:11

YANBU

They are your kids. If you don't want photos on FB then Aunt should respect that and I am confident FB will action this eventually. They get a lot of requests I expect.

chenin · 14/06/2013 09:20

People like this make me SICK (your father that is...) They use the internet in the worst possible way... to bully, to have control, to get at someone.

You are certainly not BU but I agree with other posters, I wouldn't contact your father... that's what he's hoping/expecting and if you do so, he will have won. You feeling uneasy about your kids pic on his FB profile is not unreasonable at all.

quoteunquote · 14/06/2013 09:38

He just want power over you, this is the only way of doing it, so congratulations you have managed to disengage in a way that he no long feels he has power over your life, this is his last ditch attempted,

Let everyone know that you do not want any picture of your family on FB, and ask them to up their privacy setting or let you know and you will put them on a different setting or be de friended.

AnyFucker · 14/06/2013 09:42

Yes, I forgot to say don't contact the twat (your father)

MrsDeVere · 14/06/2013 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SolomanDaisy · 14/06/2013 09:47

Yanbu, he sounds like a horrible person and has no right to your children's pictures. I'd defriend your aunt too.

You know your feeling about paedophiles wanking over the photo is irrational though, don't you?

adverbial · 14/06/2013 09:48

Of course yanbu. I hope they remove it for you swiftly. I have no words for what I think of your father's behaviour.

waltermittymissus · 14/06/2013 09:48

YANBU to be upset with him, seems like he did it in the hopes of getting a reaction from you.

I'm sorry for what he's put you through. Sad

Saying that, I don't think the photo belongs to anyone but FB now. Perhaps I'm wrong but I think, when it's posted, it becomes the property of FB.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 14/06/2013 09:49

I would also report the photos on your Aunts page and tell her that you do not give a flying fuck care what she thinks, if she posts anymore you will contact the police.

I don't know what counselling you have had - but maybe you should find another sort to help you deal with 'he's still my father'... you are still allowing him to hurt you :(

Swipe left for the next trending thread