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AIBU?

Who is being unreasonable here?

232 replies

Soisitmeorher · 13/06/2013 22:38

Me and ex W split up about three years ago, 2 dc. There were many reasons we split, we rushed into it. I was too young.

During the marriage my drinking was quite excessive, usually between 5 & 10 cans, usually around four times a week though sometimes more. Ex W always had a problem with it, though she knew what I was like when we first got together, she drank a lot herself then but stopped when we had dc.

Without going in to too many ins and outs, the marriage was a disaster and she claims that a lot of it was down to my drinking.

In spite of all this we are amicable now. Sometimes we will even spend an evenkg together watching a DVD and I might have a drink. Suddenly though she has changed the rules. A couple of weeks ago, I turned up a bit worse for wear and we had quite a nasty argument. Since then she has said I can't drink round her or the dc, not even a couple of pints before I come round. In short she wants me nowhere near her or dc when I have had a drink, even if I am fine. I get quite annoyed about this, I like a drink but I am fine after two or three but she just won't continue our previously amicable relationship if I have had a drink.

Also about once a month I stay over and sleep in my dc's room. I like to finish my drink up and watch some tv with earphones while I do. She says this is not acceptable anymore, to be drinking in the room my ds is sleeping or for a person who has had a drink to sleep in there with dc.

I think she is being very controlling to be honest, there's nothing wrong with me having a few drinks and it annoys me that she makes such a fuss about it. It's preventing us from carrying on being friendly tbh.

So who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Report

AllDirections · 13/06/2013 22:55

YABVVVVU

Soisitmeorher · 13/06/2013 22:56

Kids were in bed they didn't see the row.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 13/06/2013 22:56

Well it is as bad as she says and you are a complete arsehole if you cant see that getting worse for wear and then turning up to see your kids is ok.

BTW, functioning alcoholics can hold down jobs but they dont usually remain functioning for long, so make the most of that job while you have it. I should know, I used to be one.

crumblepie · 13/06/2013 22:57

do you realise how many times you use the word drink in your post , think you know yabu , just dont have a drink on the day you see your kids , no big deal is it , or is it ?

waltermittymissus · 13/06/2013 22:57

Bloody phone!

*you're either an alcoholic or a disgrace of a parent

And actually, the two aren't mutually exclusive. But for alcoholism you can get help. I'm not sure you can get help for just being a twat.

Bogeyface · 13/06/2013 22:57

Kids were in bed they didn't see the row.

Well unless they are deaf, I am sure that they heard it.

You may not like it but your behaviour IS impacting on them.

squeakytoy · 13/06/2013 22:58

Someone needs to be in control, because you clearly arent.

ChaoticTranquility · 13/06/2013 22:58

What's more important the alcohol or seeing your kids?

Bogeyface · 13/06/2013 22:59

Sorry that should have been "if you cant see that getting worse for wear and then turning up to see your kids ISNT ok"

Soisitmeorher · 13/06/2013 22:59

Thing is I had a really stressful day yesterday so had a couple of pints at lunchtime. HOURS before I saw dc and she still moaned about that. You're all saying the same thing but I promise you I am fine when I see my dc, it's all about what MIGHT happen with her.

OP posts:

MalcolmTuckersMum · 13/06/2013 22:59

God this just reminds me how much I hate drunks. Get help OP. That's all.

Soisitmeorher · 13/06/2013 23:01

Seeing my kids obviously, but I do not get pissed round them, just have a couple say with lunch or if I am with my family eg a BBQ or something.

OP posts:

Bogeyface · 13/06/2013 23:01

Also, I think that the reason your ex is kicking off now is because she came to see your behaviour as normal when she was living with your excessive drinking day in and day out. Its only now you have gone that she has realised that actually, most people dont drink 10 cans of lager a night, or need to drink in bed, or get plastered and think its ok to have access with their kids in that state.

The point is, she quit drinking because the kids were more important to her. You didnt, because they are not more important to you.

waltermittymissus · 13/06/2013 23:01

You're a drunk.

Get help or leave her to parent properly.

Your children deserve better than you.

MalcolmTuckersMum · 13/06/2013 23:01

And stop making excuses for your drinking. Your family are big drinkers. So? You have a responsible job. So? You had a stressful day. So? Any excuse to turn to the alcohol isn't it. Read back what you're writing and then come and tell us you don't need help.

squeakytoy · 13/06/2013 23:01

which is more important to you, your kids or having a drink?

MatersMate · 13/06/2013 23:02

Be careful about using others as bench marks op, like your family etc. They may all have a problem with alcohol?

Find for some honesty with yourself, before you're a non functioning alcoholic.

The hardest part is admitting it, it's an age old cliche but very true.

Binkybix · 13/06/2013 23:02

I used to go out with an alcoholic and he honestly thought his behaviour was fine and normal when everyone else thought he was being an idiot because he'd drunk.

Stressful day requiring a few pints at lunchtime raises a bit of a red flag to me....

Bogeyface · 13/06/2013 23:02

You drank at lunch, in the middle of work day?

Sorry, HOW exactly have you managed to keep your job?! Do you know the type of person who needs a lunchtime drink in order to make it through a stressful day?

answers on a postcard please.........

wharrgarbl · 13/06/2013 23:02

Why do you reach for alcohol when you're stressed? You know it doesn't help, and by the sound of things, it's been a pretty frequent resort that hasn't done you any favours.
YABVU.
Your children heard the argument, even if they didn't see it.

Soisitmeorher · 13/06/2013 23:03

She says that too bogeyface that drinking is more important than my kids. She's wrong though.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 13/06/2013 23:03

You've asked the question.You've had the answer.
You don't like it so you argue with it.

But your ex is right. If your children matter to you then I suggest you listen to her (and MN).

Stop making excuses and stop drinking.

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wharrgarbl · 13/06/2013 23:03

So stop drinking then.

squeakytoy · 13/06/2013 23:03

is she wrong? I see nothing in your posts that shows you love your kids, just that you love your drink...

Binkybix · 13/06/2013 23:04

because he was drunk and acting like an idiot, but did not realise it.

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