AIBU to ask for money for DS's Christening?

[PurplePidjin]

DS will be christened in September, aged 10 months. When he was 5 weeks, dp had a stroke and he has received a lot of support from the Stroke Association. DS doesn't need silver plated cutlery or birth certificate holders, so I was wondering if IWBU ask for donations to the charity instead? I would also have a list of books on standby for those who preferred to get something for the baby.

So, AIBU? And if not, how do i phrase it?

PS we're having a bog standard dunking in the parish church, with tea and cake at my parents' afterwards much as I'd love St John of Lewis and St Mark of Spencer to give me a new wardrobe

I disagree with posters who say you are making this about your DH. I think your DS's dad is one of the two most important people in his life.
The SA helped your whole family through the help they gave DH.
I don't think these are mutually exclusive events or. DH's stroke, then DS's christening. They are family events that impact all of you.
I think YANBU and I would be fine to see your request for donations in the invitation.

I would be a little miffed if I gave a gift of cash for your DS to then find out it was given to charity. I don't know why but I'd rather know your intentions for the money (if they are different to the usual uses for a baby gift ie savings account etc)

I hope that your DH is well now.

I would be very happy to give to a charity instead of buying some useless silver photo frame, money box or baby's first tooth box. I think your wording is absolutely spot on, but maybe just tweak it a little to add in RocknRoll's bit "Whilst we do not expect you to buy him a gift, we know that some of you may wish to do so. If you don?t have anything special in mind for a present, please consider making a donation to the Stroke Association in lieu of a gift"

HullMum, I'm not an arsehole

Cash for ds would be used for ds but what he needs are clothes and nappies which isn't the point of christening money imo. Books would be preferable, as would a thank you for the support provided by the SA. Homestart have also been amazing, if that would be an acceptable alternative? So that people have a choice...

YANBU to say 'if you wish to give a present, we'd be honoured if you donated to...'

YWBU to expect people to donate. (Though I would!) Or to put in a 'gift list' shudder

Ergh no, I'd struggle to think of a gift list for a wedding, and i have the kind of family who would be offended if there wasn't one in that invite!

Not good manners to mention gifts with an invitation. But if anyone asks, it would be fine to say either a charity donation or a book would be appreciated.