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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this wedding invitation is a bit odd?

75 replies

Mrsrobertduvall · 12/06/2013 19:21

I never thought I would be posting a wedding thread

Dh plays golf with someone from time to time. We have just been invited to his daughter's wedding. Now Neither of us have met his daughter or fiance. I have only met this chap once briefly.

Why would a father invite HIS friends to his daughter's wedding? He has invited several other friends.
And it's not just the reception, it's the whole ceremony...everything.
Now it's in a lovely venue, upmarket, and local.

But just a bit...odd.

OP posts:

WafflyVersatile · 12/06/2013 21:20

You're right. OMFG THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!

Bearbehind · 12/06/2013 21:22

Eh? I didn't realise humanity meant 'money grabbing'

WafflyVersatile · 12/06/2013 21:23

They didn't grab money. They got money, which is nice. I like getting money.

CalamityJ · 12/06/2013 21:24

Happened at my wedding. Didn't bother to say hello them and never seen them since. But FIL paid half so felt entitled to invite whoever he wanted to compete with the huge number of FAMILY members on my side

FeckOffCup · 12/06/2013 21:27

My wedding wasn't especially posh but my FIL offered to pay for the evening caterers and invited a few of his business contacts along, can't say it really bothered me having strangers there.

Bearbehind · 12/06/2013 21:29

So do I waffly but it wouldn't be the reason I was pleased my parents invited and paid for their friends to attend my wedding.

BookFairy · 12/06/2013 21:30

Hmmmm. If I get married I wouldn't want strangers there, but each to their own :)

threesypeesy · 12/06/2013 22:36

Eh I never grabbed money it was gifts to us and my parents have given the same to their friends dcs on their weddings completely normal imo especially since they paid for everything they were within their right to invite who ever they wanted bear

Bogeyface · 12/06/2013 22:41

I have never come across it, in fact when I got married first time, my mum asked me if I would mind if a couple of their friends came (who were on the list anyway as they were "Auntys and Uncles") and she would cover their food etc!

But my cousin in the US has been invited so loads of his colleagues childrens weddings. He started arranging "prior" commitments whenever an invite came in the end as it was costing him a bloody fortune in gifts alone!

ExitPursuedByABear · 12/06/2013 22:41

The poshest wedding I went to was in a gated estate in Surrey. Canapés round the pool after the wedding then the bride and groom left, their friends were chucked out then the caterers laid on a silver service dinner for the parents and a select bunch of their chums.

raisah · 13/06/2013 05:19

this is how & why asian weddings are so largr and are conducted:

both families share the costs so invite guests from their own circle

introductions are made for future relationships/employment.

Loads of singles present so its a good way for people to meet & vet potential partners & weedle out any unsuitable matches without investing time & headspace. You also see their families as well so you can discretely decide whether someones mental mother may cause you problems. Its all done obviously discretely.

weddings are used as networking opportunities to gain contacts for future projects, its not just about the bride & groom!

MrsSchadenfreude · 13/06/2013 05:38

CeramicUnicorn, my mother was exactly the same! Except she didn't invite friends on our list that she thought wouldn't come - a couple who had booked their tickets to fly in from New York for the weekend didn't get an invite until we intervened! I wasn't living in UK at the time, and after discovering this, flew back to UK (six hour flight, not cheap) to see what else she had done. She had missed off everyone on our list who wasn't local (most of our friends) and had filled the gaps with her friends from the Wine Club. Thankfully a raft of them were nice enough to say that they didn't know me, and that she should invite our friends instead. She also hadn't invited a great aunt of mine, who was "a bit common" (clearly not fit to mingle with the lower middles of the Wine Club), who was very upset when she found out, particularly as she was local.

SanityClause · 13/06/2013 05:53

This happened at my mothers's wedding. She found it old fashioned. She is 70.

SexAndDrugsAndSausageRolls · 13/06/2013 06:01

We were invited to a friend's wedding where the bride and groom were restricted to inviting 7 couples from their circle of friends because the bride's parents had invited hundreds of their friends (including MPs and local celebs). Her parents wanted it to be the social event of the year and as they were paying, B&G had little say in the guest list.

I would love to have seen their reaction when their daughter called it off 8 weeks before the event because she was shagging someone else having second thoughts.

MusicalEndorphins · 13/06/2013 06:49

Yes, been at a few weddings where all sorts of business associates of the parents were there.

MumnGran · 13/06/2013 07:26

Willing to bet his DD is posting like crazy (somewhere) on how controlling her parents are being, just because they are paying for the wedding.

You have to feel sorry for the new couple.

Budgiegirlbob · 13/06/2013 07:48

I don't think it's particularly unusual for parents to invite their friends to their child's wedding, although IME it tends to be people who the bride and groom have at least met before.

At my wedding, my parents, my in laws, snd ourselves all paid for parts of the wedding in varying amounts, my parents paying the bulk of the reception. So we decided that each couple should invite around 25 guests. Parents and in laws included family in their 25, which limited the number of friends they could invite. All the friends they did invite were people either myself or DH had known when we were growing up.

The only people that were strangers to me were a few relatives on my DHs side that I had never met before, and have never seen since!

hamilton75 · 13/06/2013 08:25

That sounds pretty normal to me. At least it is round here.

If the parents are paying they invite their friends, par for the course.

MaxPepsi · 13/06/2013 08:46

It sounds like he just wants his golfing buddies there so he can escape with them later to the bar and network

My Dad paid for a large chunk of my wedding. I had already included several of my parents friends, who I'd known all my life and therefore felt like family (and a few of IL's friends) and he made only one request which I was more than happy to oblige with. He had after all paid for a lot of it.

PicaK · 13/06/2013 08:49

A bit off topic but i went to a wedding recently where i didn't know the bride and groom. I was a bit meh about it but went along anyway...

...and i was in bits at the ceremony. For once, not looking out for friends etc i really concentrated on the vows and it was so moving. Just lovely to see this young couple starting out etc.

It was a bit of a shock to find i'd moved up a generation at a wedding but it made me realise how far me and DH had come.

A really memorable reason - go, you'll enjoy it. And my parents invited friends so not that weird.

ArbitraryUsername · 13/06/2013 08:53

I've been to several weddings where the majority of the guests were friends with the parents rather than the bride and groom. One was literally a room full of accountants and two tables (in the very back corner) of friends. Actually, the bride and groom's friends always seem to be positioned in the back corner at every wedding I've ever been to.

fstutler · 18/06/2013 03:06

Really very odd.

pinkr · 18/06/2013 03:28

Perfectly normal in Scotland I thought for your parents to invite a few friends along...makes for a nicer day for them too as they have people there to relax and enjoy the day with.

pinkr · 18/06/2013 03:29

OH and rather than bring a posh thing I think it's a pride thing and they want to share their joy!

wigglesrock · 18/06/2013 06:41

Pretty normal in my experience too. When we got married 15 years ago, my Mum and Dad invited some of their friends, although I had met them. Then to even it up , I asked pils if they wanted to invite some friends, which they did (about 8 couples), a few of them I'd never met and neither had my husband.

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