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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this wedding invitation is a bit odd?

75 replies

Mrsrobertduvall · 12/06/2013 19:21

I never thought I would be posting a wedding thread Grin

Dh plays golf with someone from time to time. We have just been invited to his daughter's wedding. Now Neither of us have met his daughter or fiance. I have only met this chap once briefly.

Why would a father invite HIS friends to his daughter's wedding? He has invited several other friends.
And it's not just the reception, it's the whole ceremony...everything.
Now it's in a lovely venue, upmarket, and local.

But just a bit...odd.

OP posts:
woopsidaisy · 12/06/2013 20:12

ceramicunicorn, that is crazy! And very cheeky of your mum.
But in relation to the OP- YABU. I think this is very common practice. Especially as has been mentioned, when the father of the bride is paying. He obviously likes your DH so asked him along.
Not sure why some are being sneery about it.

NotALondoner · 12/06/2013 20:17

'I am still trying to locate the shit I do not give'

BRILLIANT

Original poster
Mrsrobertduvall · 12/06/2013 20:18

ceramicunicorn that is awful.
I hope they at least knew your name!!!

OP posts:
Lovecat · 12/06/2013 20:27

I was about to ask were they Indian, because this appears to be par for the course with Indian weddings - most of the Indian brides-to-be in our office moan that their weddings turn into a 3 ring circus full of their parents' business associates schmoozing... one poor girl had 1,000 people coming and she only knew about 100 of them!

Choccywoccydodah · 12/06/2013 20:32

I think it's odd. My parents paid for our reception because they wanted to, not because they wanted to be in control of the guest list! Everyone we invited was who we wanted there, it was our day, otherwise we'd have paid ourselves.

AgathaF · 12/06/2013 20:33

Bloody hell. I would find a big wedding traumatic enough with people I knew (just 2 guests at ours!), but having a whole shedload of strangers there to witness the discomfort - no thanks.

Elquota · 12/06/2013 20:35

Sounds odd to me, and I've never heard of it. "Common practice" among the people I know is that the couple invite their friends, and even if parents contribute, they don't use that to stake a claim to anything the couple hasn't chosen.

HighInterestRat · 12/06/2013 20:36

He's obviously paying for the wedding. Grin

WafflyVersatile · 12/06/2013 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemonBreeland · 12/06/2013 20:40

I knew this used to happen, but didn't realise it still did. My MIL eho is in her 70's had no friends at her wedding, they were all her parents friends. I would have gated that.

AgathaF · 12/06/2013 20:40

Waffly - I just wouldn't have got married if I had to do in front of that many.

KurriKurri · 12/06/2013 20:41

Traditionally the invitations are sent out in the name of the bride's parents 'Mr and Mrs X' invite you to the wedding of their DD,Beelzebub Jacintha to Mr X Cholmondely-Farquaharson' etc.

Bride's parents coughed up for the do, so they got to choose who gets invited. Obviously nowadays many people pay for their own weddings so they don't have to invite Fanny from the golf club and Tobermory from the Freemasons or other unknown quantities.

I imagine that if the parents are paying, the bride is fairly young and still feels obliged to go along with what they say (plus doesn't want to throw a spanner in the works of a giant, parent financed, freebie)

WafflyVersatile · 12/06/2013 20:41

Oh, yes, the one thing my mum and dad were a bit insistent on when it came to my DS's wedding that they were paying most/all of, was that they got to invite a couple of friends whose kid's weddings they'd been to or just known a long time.

Original poster
Mrsrobertduvall · 12/06/2013 20:41

No definitely not Indian.
My god, 3000.
We had 13 and that was 11 too many for me [ grin]

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 12/06/2013 20:44

agatha I suppose there were various bits of ceremony and the 3k were not at all parts. Probably.

takeaway2 · 12/06/2013 20:45

It's not just indian weddings. Chinese weddings are similar. But it is part of the 'look everyone my son/daughter is getting married to this fantastic woman/man' and the olds tend to give generously! Grin

Having said that if you aren't comfortable with this then just let your dh go! You need not go.

IneedAsockamnesty · 12/06/2013 20:46

Its not unusual but it is fucked up.

AgathaF · 12/06/2013 20:48

It's all a bit 'father handing on the little woman to the husband' for me.

However, if it's ok with the couple, all well and good.

superbagpuss · 12/06/2013 20:49

we had help from both sets of parents and invited some of their friends but had met all of them as they were old family friends

I went to a wedding where the father of the bride talked about all his friends in the speech and very little about his lovely daughter. luckily the groom speech made up for it

threesypeesy · 12/06/2013 20:51

My parents paid for our reception (married in vegas) and several of their friends where there, didn't know them but they all gave us large amounts of money in cards and expensive champagne wich was nice Grin it didn't bother us though as my parents were fitting the bill

marriedinwhiteagain · 12/06/2013 20:52

Sounds fairly normal to me. Our wedding was family, our closet friends, parents' closest friends. At 120 we had to make difficult decisions. Of our friends who attended the wedding (about 40) we probably remain close to 12. We would want those 12 at our dd's wedding when the time comes if she wants a traditional sort of wedding. And we will pay for the wedding.

Bearbehind · 12/06/2013 20:56

Wow threesypeesy your parents invite a load of people you didn't know to celebrate your wedding and you didn't mind as your parents were paying and the guests coughed up loads in gifts -nice Hmm

WafflyVersatile · 12/06/2013 21:07

What's so awful about that. Her parents threw a party to celebrate her marriage. They invited some of their friends to help them celebrate a happy family event. Getting presents is nice. They didn't have to give presents or money.

IControlSandwichMonkey · 12/06/2013 21:07

There were people at my wedding I had never met before. They were friends of the ILs and I think the logic was that the ILs were celebrating the marriage of their eldest boy and they wanted to do so with the people who had supported them through their own marriage and the birth and raising of aforementioned pfb. It made the ILs happy and in a way, they were right. I wasn't bothered tbh. Though if I'm going to invite the people who supported me through having my own pfb to said pfb's nuptials, it'll have to be a MN open invitation.

Bearbehind · 12/06/2013 21:11

Being happy that your parents/IL's got to share your special day with their friends is one thing. Being happy because said people were there because you weren't paying and they gave lots of cash is quite another.