Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want dh to be a bit interested in my past? Or am I just being daft?

63 replies

Loutwenty · 12/06/2013 16:41

Been with dh 3 years, he is step dad to my ten year old ds.

Before I met him, I travelled the world with ds, back packing when ds was younger, I have loads of photos/videos. Recently, I downloaded them all onto the pc to sort out properly and I really wanted to share them with DH. It was an important time in my life, and I thought he would want to see what we did, see ds when he was little. He doesn't care. He's watched a couple of clip, begrudgingly.

My dad bought some home videos of when I was a toddler with him when he came to visit last year, again, DH didn't care - when my dad put them on, he went off to talk to his friend on the phone.

On the other hand, his father is brining down some old family films to transfer onto dvd at the weekend, dh can't wait to have those on.

I just want someone to share them with. I have no family, I haven't got any friends. I'd love to share my memories with dh, but he doesn't want to know.

AIBU to be hurt? Or should I get over it.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 12/06/2013 16:43

YANBU

Hercy · 12/06/2013 16:47

Get over it. Home/holiday videos are only interesting to the people who star in them, which is why he's interested in the ones his father is bringing and not yours.

That said, travelling the world with a little one sounds a very interesting thing to do. Presumably you've talked to him about it before, and he has a rough idea of where you went and what you did? Maybe that's another reason he's not that interested...

GingerCurry · 12/06/2013 16:48

I think you should get over it. Other peoples picture memories are generally quite dull. You enjoy them yourself.

NotDead · 12/06/2013 16:49

explanation!

'I'm jealous of the men you knew before in a life I can never be a part of..'

complete history of sexual jealousy parts 17-24: momus..

[[

Original poster
Loutwenty · 12/06/2013 16:49

He's not interested in what I did either. Never wants to hear about it.

It would just be nice to have someone to share things I did in the past with I guess.

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 12/06/2013 16:51

Does he want you to watch his old videos Op?
If so then yes, he is BU.

NotDead · 12/06/2013 16:52

its either complex.. as per above.. or simple.. personallyfor me Is a huge sharing step to share childhood and/or youth activities. . and for some men no doubt yhere is a kind of whimsey/jealousy about not being with you in probably the happiest time of your life..

But some people just don't give a shot about holiday s stories wedding events etc so coukd be either!

fwiw I would feel hurt, and if you do.. well you do..

Hercy · 12/06/2013 16:53

Could you go through some of them with your son? He might be old enough to want to see and hear more about it, especially as he'll be the star of a lot of the photos.

KellyElly · 12/06/2013 16:54

YANBU at all. I would expect a partner to be interested in things I'd done and experienced I'd had. I'm not saying he should want to sit and watch a five hour slide show but he should show an interest in hearing your stories and looking at a few pictures. Not really too much to ask. Is he a disinterested person generally e.g. doesn't want to talk about your day, make plans for stuff etc. Because if he is, and you sound like those things are important to you, it's something you need to discuss.

Original poster
Loutwenty · 12/06/2013 16:54

Oh god yes. His family are the be all and end all of life, when they come down, it's like preparing for a royal visit.

I will be expected to take in every detail and then I suspect he'll go on and on about them in detail and how his parents are the best people ever to exist for the next month.

Believe me, if I fucked off to make a phone call, I would be in the shit for a week.

OP posts:
fabergeegg · 12/06/2013 16:55

Could this be one of those 'values clash' situations where he doesn't realise what this means to you? I know you've said he's looking forward to having his own old films to watch, but that could be something different in his mind. Maybe he doesn't conceptually link you now with the person you were back then. My DP is emotionally challenged like this when he's busy/tired/hungry/bored. Economy mode.

HollyBerryBush · 12/06/2013 16:56

Really? My Dh has copious amounts of cine footage from family holidays and boozy football tours in his mis-spent youth. I have absolutely zero interest in watching any of it.

HomageToCannelloni · 12/06/2013 16:56

I'd be really interested if the roles were reversed and often ask MIL if we can look at her old albums so we can laugh at look at him when he was younger. I can't fathom a disinterest in the person you love and want to know all about...having said that DH is far less interested than I am, so perhaps it's just a personality thing?

plantsitter · 12/06/2013 16:57

Quite honestly people's traveling stories and photos bore me stupid. Sorry if that sounds bitchy but it's true.

Some people are not interested in Old videos etc. My dh has loads of family videos on DVD and while I think they're fascinating and have watched them all, he will manage to sit through maybe one before he gets bored

Of he makes you show an interest in his then I think you're within your rights to make a fuss but otherwise I think it's something you might just have to suck up.

DameFanny · 12/06/2013 16:58

Oh, right. Your update makes it clear that he's bring an arse.

Does he have any good points?

Original poster
Loutwenty · 12/06/2013 16:58

The problem is, he doesn't understand what I did and how I lived.

ds was homeschooled, we travelled everywhere, had an amazing time. Dh was astounded that I would rip a child away from his friends (believe me, there was no ripping, he was aged 4-7, we were at home for a couple of months a time between 12 week trips) and that it was a slight on him and how his parents brought him up on caravan holidays.

That aside, I thought he'd want to see what I was like as a small child? Especially as he wants children with me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Loutwenty · 12/06/2013 16:59

Damefanny, some, but he is quite selfish in many respects, and hold his family up as a paragon for everything.

OP posts:
DameFanny · 12/06/2013 17:05

Well someone that selfish and disrespectful isn't someone I'd want another child with - I'd be wondering of he'd treat my first as a second-class citizen. Don't know if that's relevant to your situation?

Thisisaeuphemism · 12/06/2013 17:08

When I came home from spending years overseas, I was amazed no one wanted to listen to my fascinating tales.

Then I met other travellers and was like - Christ that is boring.

However, it sounds like this is symptomatic of the fact that you feel DH is not particularily interested in you at all...that's sad, op...

blackbirdatglanmore · 12/06/2013 17:15

I lived quite an 'alternative' life in my late twenties and do occasionally get the urge to tell people all about it Grin I am writing a book instead, perhaps you could think about that, OP? Even if no one reads it, I will!

LadyBeagleEyes · 12/06/2013 17:19

So basically he has no interest in your (what's sounds fascinating) earlier life, but expects you to sit and watch him and his family in their old videos in Bognor?
He sounds jealous IMO.

Original poster
Loutwenty · 12/06/2013 17:23

Damefanny, I often wonder that. But, I am 34, I already have a broken marriage behind me, which thankfully, ds seems to be okay with, so I don't want to do it to him again.

I take the good with the bad, and I've 'settled' as I would love to have another child. I can't rip ds home life apart again, take my chances of meeting, or not meeting someone else to have a family with.

OP posts:
mummytime · 12/06/2013 17:29

I'm not totally sure about the jealous, but I do wonder why you are with him.
He doesn't sound as if he has had that life-changing moment most of us go through in our 20s when we discover the way "our" family did things isn't the only way. I can remember arguments about how to cook Shepherds pie or to do Christmas.

I would guess with your travelling you are willing to try new things and to fit in with other people.

He doesn't sound as if he is even interested in knowing other people do things differently. He sounds pretty insecure.

I wouldn't want to have a child with someone like this unless you had worked through the issues, and he had tried to become a bit more open to new experiences.

Thisisaeuphemism · 12/06/2013 17:31

Whoa- you're only 34 and you're in a relationship with a selfish guy you don't feel is interested in you, whose family are dull as hell, and you feel you've settled?

How's that meant to work?

Original poster
Loutwenty · 12/06/2013 17:34

"He doesn't sound as if he has had that life-changing moment most of us go through in our 20s when we discover the way "our" family did things isn't the only way"

That's him to a tee. He's younger than me, 28. He thinks his parents are the best people ever, that everything they have ever done is the right thing and that the way his family is is perfect. He holds them to such a high degree of esteem, he says if one of them died, it would literally kill him, that he could never love anyone more than them, even his own child. It seems weird to me.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread