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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset with my GP

39 replies

childcarehell · 12/06/2013 13:21

I went to my GP over a week ago with concerns about 6 month old dd (posted in health in you're bothered). In summary she has a stiff often curled arm, can't roll (and won't soon as she has such uneven control), head lags if lifted to sitting, ends up flinging her arm wildly on one side if attempting control and on the other rubs her face. Can't weight bear, sit (poor head control too if held and slumps), barely lifts head on front...

Im worried and wanted to talk it out, she just clammed up and said she'd get back in a week (normally she knows bloody everything too, likes to be know all)

Earlier a week on I tried to make contact, then later again. Receptionist finally said gp had spoken to a consultant and they feel she needs a specialist referral...am I planning a holiday soon? No...ok I'll get a letter, the gp will do the referral, bye (the pauses are her asking gp in the background). Felt like I was reminding them of an unimportant matter

AIBU to want to speak to her to:
voice further concerns pointed out by hv (not mine, a friend who is)around development
know roughly what the consultant said and who and where this specialist is?
just have the chat about dd in person, reassurance etc as I'm worried

She's busy but it's a big deal to us and the waiting game isn't nice. I know it's good she's referring, but I'm pissed off right now with them.

I'm posting as I need to vent really my worries. Thinking of seeing hv to sound it all out

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 12/06/2013 13:24

Erm Yanbu to want to have your concerns addressed ...which they have been via a referral, but your tone is rather unreasonable

Original poster
childcarehell · 12/06/2013 13:26

I haven't been anything but very polite to them! Please, thank you, hope you don't mind me calling again but I wasn't sure if I missed a call....etc

OP posts:
fengirl1 · 12/06/2013 13:26

This kind of experience is truly horrible (I've been through similar twice). The only thing I can recommend is to find out which consultant the referral has been made to, and then politely (as much as you're worried sick at this point) phone the secretary to ask when you're likely to get an appointment. Allow some time for the letter to be typed and wend its way through the system.

EuroShaggleton · 12/06/2013 13:28

I'm not sure what you want. She felt out of her depth as a GP and so has referred you on, which sounds exactly right to me.

peggotty · 12/06/2013 13:28

No it's not unreasonable to expect your gp to talk you through a referral and listen to your concerns. It sounds like you don't have a good relationship with the gp anyway - are there any others at the practice who you could speak to?

peggotty · 12/06/2013 13:30

I'm not sure you should have posted this in AIBU either as you might get some harsh replies and I'm sure that's the last thing you need at the moment.

Original poster
childcarehell · 12/06/2013 13:31

thanks fengirl, I'd just like the smallest hint to know if it's a) a 'significant concern' or b) a 'I think it's fine but it's good practice to check'

For all I know it's a referral to a local clinic to do some physio, or to the hospital with a consultant. I just feel a little shut down by the gp practice. When I went the first time she just said 'oh, I'll need to ask someone about this, I'll get back to you in the the week, sorry I couldn't have been of more help, bye' . I just looked surprised then walked out after a silence feeling a tad surprised.

OP posts:
drinkyourmilk · 12/06/2013 13:31

Could you make an appt to see the GP? then she will have the time to talk through everything thoroughly

MiaowTheCat · 12/06/2013 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BabsAndTheRu · 12/06/2013 13:34

YANBU and there is nothing wrong with your tone. The GP should have outlined her treatment plan when she saw you, not by you having to phone up and have it given to you second hand by the receptionist. Its very unprofessional and her reaction did nothing to reassure you and probably added to your worries. I've worked in the nhs for 20 years and get really pissed off at unhelpful so called professionals, we are the caring profession for god sake but sadly some are very lacking in that department. You have every right to ask to speak to her in person either over the phone or make another appointment.

Original poster
childcarehell · 12/06/2013 13:34

I've only ever seen her a few times in my life in my life to be fair, once with hyperemesis (go to work and be sick in a bowl, I collapsed at work hours later and spent a week on a drip), 6 week baby checks and once with ds for a chest infection. She just has that manner of knowing everything and self-importance, I never got bothered by it it and her comments as she's experienced and knowledgable.

I posted here as I have nobody at all to talk this through with and any dialogue is better than none. DH is home very late.

OP posts:
Dontsshme · 12/06/2013 13:35

YANBU and I don't think any mother in your position of worry could be called unreasonable for anything, frankly. I hope you get something sorted very soon. x

Original poster
childcarehell · 12/06/2013 13:36

BAbs...you've hit the nail on the head. I wasn't worried AT ALL before I spoke to her. I was thinking dd was a late bloomer and possibly the gp could tell me a few exercises to do at home so I could keep her on track. NOW I'm worried.

OP posts:
meddie · 12/06/2013 13:44

Your baby needs to be seen by a specialist. I think you're GP was right to refer you, but maybe could have handled it a bit better. maybe child development is not a field she feels she has the depth of knowledge in to be able to answer any difficut questions you may have, so is avoiding it.

Spookey80 · 12/06/2013 13:45

I understand that you're worried, but the GP should be experienced enough to have prioritised the urgency of the referral and would have pushed it through more quickly if needed, so maybe be reassured by that?
I think the GP has acted in a good way, by saying " I don't know, so I'm going to refer" , but they also know when to prioritise.
If you're nt happy just make an appt with the GP to discuss everything and clarify yr worries.

Original poster
childcarehell · 12/06/2013 13:47

a specialist what though? Dh, my other three nor I have barely ever needed the gp. How does it all work? Where are referrals....

OP posts:
Original poster
childcarehell · 12/06/2013 13:48

ok, I see the otherside, I think I'm just really bloody worried now.

Do you think talking to hv is worth it or silly? I've only met them once for each child

OP posts:
meddie · 12/06/2013 13:49

Possibly a paediatrician at the local hospital. They have much more experience with children than your GP will ever have and can refer you for any services you might need, such as physio etc

meddie · 12/06/2013 13:50

I think a chat with your HV wont do any harm, if you just want to voice any concerns, and she may have some knowledge of the referral process so you will have an idea what to expect.

Original poster
childcarehell · 12/06/2013 13:53

I think I could just do with talking to anyone about it all together, I don't need an answer so much, just a sounding board and to sort out what are delays and what might be normall baby behaviour. Her brothers and sisters were always waaay ahead which makes comparison hard, her brothers crawled at this stage.

OP posts:
Pobblewhohasnotoes · 12/06/2013 13:58

The GP should have told you where she was referring you to (i.e a paediatrician or physio, whatever) and what her concerns were. However you will get a letter through the post with an appointment. It's just a matter of waiting.

bookishandblondish · 12/06/2013 13:58

Your GP has probably told you all she knows - she herself may not know whether its something to be concerned about or something some exercises will sort out. She has probably emailed to try to find the best consultant for you based on the info you gave her. As she doesn't know, she can't give you any other info nor reassurance. As she doesn't know and it could be one of a zillion things, then she can't give a care plan.

Rceptionist is an idiot.

Chase for the referral to the consultant - it will probably be to a secondary care paediatrician ( she probably has tried to find someone who has a specialist interest in similar conditions) The letter will state everything you need to bring/ do/ place/ time. It will come from the consultant/ hospital department.

By the way, I worked in healthcare performance until recently - your GPs bedside manner may need some adjusting but going away and finding out the best consultant to refer to especially when they don't know is actually really good practice.

combinearvester · 12/06/2013 13:59

When my eldest was developmentally delayed we were referred to a community paediatrician who did a whole series of developmental checks & tests (physical skills, babbling etc.). He was globally delayed though and a bit older.

Does your daughter's development seem age appropriate in other ways e.g. smiling, making noises etc? Was she premature or any birth difficulties? These are all things you could discuss with HV but GP really should have told you who you are being referred to and what her concerns are. Can you get appointment with different GP and ask her or him a pre prepared list of questions?

BabsAndTheRu · 12/06/2013 14:03

No I think its the health care professionals that need to see it from the other side. Your GP should have explained who the referral was to and what for and also how long you would wait for an appointment. It is written within our guidelines that you have to have a patients consent for referral and to get consent you must make sure the patient knows exactly what the referral is for. That's AHP guidelines from the Health Professionals Council and I'm pretty sure it will be similar for GPs. Due to lack of proper explanation your GP has now worried you even more. We all feel better able to deal with things when we know all the facts.

Original poster
childcarehell · 12/06/2013 14:04

thanks.

I can see the pluses, I'm just stressed

She's a bright little button in every other way. Happy, unusually so doted on by all, knows what she wants, eats, reacts differently to people (even knows who to shout at to be lifted) has an excellent range of sounds which make it easy to meet her needs. Loving, enjoys us all and a very content child, although lately a little frustration is surfacing around the physical side. She's getting upset eating if her arms are too wild to get a spoon to her or if she keeps missing a toy etc. She's always seemed very switched on compared to the others from an early stage, she was born on the 35/36 week mark.

OP posts: