YABU maybe a little bit, but please don?t think I blame you ? you poor woman.
Quick background: I was unable to get pg (even in my 20s) and when I did with much hi-tech help, I had a stillbirth and repeat MC before finally ending up with 2 DCs. The younger one turned out to have major motor and intellectual disabilities, and will never live independently. So over two decades I have been through medicos and bureaucrats public and private and in my lady?s chamber, and here?s the first thing I will tell you:
you are now in the most stressful, sad, and scary time of your life. It is not surprising you feel crappy. But your doctor is probably not what is making you feel bad.
Go to emergency stations. This is what we say in my family now at bad times. It means, cut out any removable other sources of stress in your life. Pamper and indulge yourself in any ways that are safe and affordable.
And watch out for yourself to become totally U at times. May I just say that I speak not from your behaviour (you have done nothing wrong yet!) but from looking at my own behaviour, and that of many peers in various support groups over the years? When threatened, we all have a bit of a tendency to ?shoot the messenger? and ?kick the cat.? Not surprising, is it? The doctor is supposed to be helping not hurting you. And where else can you aim your justified outrage and hurt? Please not at yourself, your DD, your DH, the oblivious healthy happy families all around, not even the genuine asshole in a car who just cut you off at the light? You have clearly behaved with great restraint so far, so try to keep it up. There is a reason that doctors delivering bad news very commonly pass the buck to specialists and then do it in twos or more. When my DS?s final diagnosis finally came out, four years after we started tests, they had 6 professionals in the room. (And no I didn?t hit anyone ? but I did tell them repeatedly that they were WRONG WRONG WRONG. I can laugh about this five years later.)
Also, if god forbid anything is wrong with DD, you?re about to discover a whole hell full of long long waits for referrals and doctors with no bedside manner at all. Often there will be no better doctor in terms of medical care. Grit your teeth and remember, some of the best medicos were such big nerds they have no social skills whatever. If they weren?t well-intentioned, they?d be bankers not doctors! If they?d been well socialised they might not have studied so much!
Going back to your specific experience, sounds like both you and doctor did the right thing. You didn?t hit anyone. She gave you a referral. You should, clearly, have been told WHEN to expect to hear from the referral, but to be fair, you were probably in such turmoil you didn?t ask. Call the receptionist and ask her to get the doctor to clarify, and if recep is no help drop a letter by with your doctor?s name on it and your email address inside asking for this crucial info. Referrals get lost the whole time; you need to know when to follow up.
Don?t see GP again, but do write down all the concerns and questions about DD that come up. Take this paper with you when you see the GP or a specialist. WRITE DOWN what they say. It?s amazing how stress wipes the memory. Start a file, and toss in every paper you get about DD in simple chronological order, and take it to appointments. Hopefully some day you will take out this file and, giggling, burn it as so much rubbish.
Finally: if you think, on calm reflection, that you never have got on that well with this GP anyway, now is the time to change her. You don?t have to change practice; go try other GPs in the practice, figure out who you feel heard by, and next time ask for them specifically (as many good choices as you find), even if it?s just for a spot on your nose. Even in the NHS, it?s allowed! Even if your DD is fine (which we all hope and pray) you should always feel comfortable with your GP.