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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have taken my DS back to the shop he stole from to confess?

90 replies

ElectricSoftParade · 10/06/2013 19:37

My DS stole a bar of chocolate and a Turkish Delight from our local shop, I think at the weekend.

I found the wrappers under his bed today as I was cleaning his room. Asked him about them (as I knew we didn't have them in the house), he confessed straight away and appeared ashamed.

I decided to take him down to the shop to apologise and to pay for the stolen stuff. Spoke to the manager (who I know) and he gave DS a right talking-to. DS has apologised and is, now, ashamed.

DH reckons I went over-the-top. I don't. I think DS will certainly think before doing it again and just hope he doesn't. DS is 8.

WIBU to do this?

OP posts:

PoppyAmex · 11/06/2013 14:50

When I was 7, mum sent me on an errand and I bought a balloon with the change.

She made me go back and return it, because it wasn't my money to use without permission. I think it was the right call, OP.

specialsubject · 11/06/2013 16:16

joining the chorus of cheers and applause. Theft is theft, doesn't matter what it is. (Conscious theft, I mean - not the small children grabbing things because they don't yet understand about payment, although they should still be returned)

crime has consequences. Bring kids up with no consequences and you get the litter-dropping, selfish, noisy, rude little sods that plague the country.

good news is that the child is ashamed and embarrassed, so knows right from wrong and has learned a lesson.

TerraNotSoFirma · 11/06/2013 16:21

YANBU at all.
Exactly what I would have done.

Justfornowitwilldo · 11/06/2013 16:23

Another one here whose mother did this to them! I was 4. I've never stolen again!

curryeater · 11/06/2013 16:24

I think this is an obvious example of graft and corruption. You say you know the manager - you are taking advantage of this relationship to ensure a lenient approach to your son. He should have gone to prison. I think you should be very ashamed of yourself.

Chandon · 11/06/2013 16:28

I did this when I was 9, with a friend.

The temptation was just too big.

Friend's mum marched us back to the shop. It was embarrassing and I never ever did it again!

SauceForTheGander · 11/06/2013 16:37

My DM did this to my brother. It worked. He had been a bit light fingered but this was first time my DM caught him. she felt bad as the manager of large store was absolutely vile and got properly angry, but DB didn't steal again. I was way too petrified too after that. He was about the same age as your DS. She said she might not have fine it if he's been over 10 years though as the shop could have pressed charges.

I'd do it if it was my DC. I'd make them pay out of their pocket money as well.

Bobyan · 11/06/2013 17:33

Yanbu

I'm just waiting for the hoards of people claiming that you infringed your child's human rights and damaged them forever...

phantomnamechanger · 11/06/2013 17:44

Excellent parenting OP, really think more people should react like this instead of the wishy washy shrug and "kids do these things" malarky some spout when their kids do wrong. They will be the ones with the anti scoial delinquent yobs they cant do anything with when they are 15.

One thing though, dont make the mistake of teasing him, bringing it up in future, or suspecting him all the time or he will think honesty does not pay, and become secretive and inclined to lie to you.

pussycatwillum · 11/06/2013 18:02

I did this to DS2 when he was a similar age. I also made him pay me back the money from his pocket money.

thefuturesnotourstosee · 12/06/2013 08:41

You did the right thing.

I did this to DD when she was FOUR. I'd refused her a soft toy in a charity shop and when we came out I noticed she looked a bit fatter than usual. She'd stuffed the thing up her jumper. I made her take it back in and say she was sorry to the lady behind the counter who gently told her she was a good girl for bringing it back but stealing is naughty. She also told her that there were children who needed the money that would come from selling the toy as they their mummys and daddys didn't look after them properly so they needed help (it was Barnardoes).

DD is rather moralistic these days

AndHarry · 12/06/2013 10:15

I agree you did the right thing OP and it's what I would do if I caught my DC doing the same thing.

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2013 09:35

I think they're just about to discuss this thread on Matthew Wright...Channel 5.

selsigfach · 17/06/2013 10:02

Well done Op.

I'll never forget the stinging slap around the face my mum gave me when she caught me taking a cherry from a market stall. Not a punishment I support and I hope a telling off from the veg man would have been equally effective in halting my pilfering ways!

I think shop managers who ban children who have been caught stealing (and returned by mortified mums) are completely right to do as they see fit. Crimes have consequences and just saying sorry doesn't always make it all okay again - an important lesson to learn.

Areyoumadorisitme · 17/06/2013 10:13

Good response OP.

We did his with DS1 when he was 5 or 6 he stole chocolate lollies from tesco.

We took him back to apologise and pay for them. They handled it brilliantly, with a stern talking to but not over the top. The worst bit for DS was that we told him we were going to take him back but he had to wait 2 days for us to do so (due to practical reasons not us being mean).

Worked brilliantly and now aged 12 he remembers it and it's a cautionary tale to DS2.

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