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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have taken my DS back to the shop he stole from to confess?

90 replies

ElectricSoftParade · 10/06/2013 19:37

My DS stole a bar of chocolate and a Turkish Delight from our local shop, I think at the weekend.

I found the wrappers under his bed today as I was cleaning his room. Asked him about them (as I knew we didn't have them in the house), he confessed straight away and appeared ashamed.

I decided to take him down to the shop to apologise and to pay for the stolen stuff. Spoke to the manager (who I know) and he gave DS a right talking-to. DS has apologised and is, now, ashamed.

DH reckons I went over-the-top. I don't. I think DS will certainly think before doing it again and just hope he doesn't. DS is 8.

WIBU to do this?

OP posts:
gastrognome · 10/06/2013 20:04

YANBU. Had a similar sort of situation with my DD last year.

She was only 4 but we had been shopping in the supermarket and when we came out I noticed that her little beanie hat was sitting at a very odd angle on her head. Asked her to take it off and underneath was a massive packet of sweeties. Didn't get cross. I explained we hadn't paid for it and so to take it would be stealing, and she'd have to take it back and apologise.

I think the cashier thought we were bonkers, but DD has never forgotten it and now likes to give self righteous lectures to her little sister about why stealing is wrong...

Original poster
ElectricSoftParade · 10/06/2013 20:07

Thanks all, I will show this to DH and he can see I am right others agree for me.

Thanks
OP posts:
Original poster
ElectricSoftParade · 10/06/2013 20:08

with me.

OP posts:
superbadspeller · 10/06/2013 20:11

I'd do the same. I took dd to the police station late last year, age 7, for a good talking to from a 7 foot tall not very child friendly officer as she'd been stealing upto a fiver a week from change piles in our house for months and i was sick of it :( it's happened a couple of times this year so next time it's a trip to the holding cells.

superbagpuss · 10/06/2013 20:11

I agree with you

my D's (4) ripped a library book on purpose as I had told him off. I had a long chat with him and took him into the library to apologise. didn't help that staff found it funny and said it didn't matter Angry he can be really cute and I don't want him using that to get out of trouble

Enfyshedd · 10/06/2013 20:17

He said he was really, really hungry and needed the sweets

DSS2 used to need things all the time as well when I first moved in with DP. Soon drove out that saying (used to drive me nuts - "you don't need it, you want it, and you will ask for it nicely by saying 'please may I have...'").

Re. your response to the tealeafing - very well done IMHO.

digerd · 10/06/2013 20:20

Brilliant. Tough love is what is often needed. Smile at the elder sister now giving lectures to her younger one that stealing is wrong.

OP your DH is wrong you were right.

ARealDame · 10/06/2013 20:21

I think you were over the top. For some children its just a very short phase around the age of 8. Maybe 'cos they're unhappy. Maybe 'cos they fancied some sweets, and they had no pocket money. I think your son was just being honest about his reasons, bless Sad. I was a very moral adult (and teenager) yet I did this as a child (see above reasons). Children do not reason in the same way, and see stealing differently and even innocently sometimes. I know I did.

Floggingmolly · 10/06/2013 20:22

You did absolutely the right thing. My Dad did this with two of my brothers (working as a team to pinch pick & mix from Woolworths) thirty years ago.
I would do it myself now if the occasion arose.
Nothing like a short, sharp shock!

ARealDame · 10/06/2013 20:25

Jeez, he's only 8 Sad and he gave his reasons honestly. There is a persecutory tone to some of these posts. Bloody hell.

Original poster
ElectricSoftParade · 10/06/2013 20:33

While I understand what you are saying AReal, I would rather come down on him now than when he is a few years older and taking more stuff than just sweets.

I don't think it matters what DS may have pocketed. It is wrong. He needed to be shown it is wrong and that any stealing will not be tolerated.

OP posts:
FamiliesShareGerms · 10/06/2013 20:35

Not unreasonable at all!

Are you planning to draw a line under it and move on now?

WilsonFrickett · 10/06/2013 20:37

I think you handled it very well but I also think that you should draw a line under it. It's done, he's had a consequence, you move on.

Original poster
ElectricSoftParade · 10/06/2013 20:37

Yes, have told him that since he has apologised and paid the shop the money back, there is nothing more to be done.

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 10/06/2013 20:37

YANBU, my 7 yr old DD did the same and I did that!

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 10/06/2013 20:40

MIL did the same to DH when he was a similar age. He remembers it to this day and never stole again. It certainly did DH no harm and it taught him a lesson.

takeaway2 · 10/06/2013 20:41

Well done you!!

WorraLiberty · 10/06/2013 20:45

Did he go to the shop alone to steal, or was he with another child?

Original poster
ElectricSoftParade · 10/06/2013 20:46

He was with me. In the same aisle there are magazines, crisps, sweets and tea and coffee.

OP posts:
suchashame · 10/06/2013 20:46

I did the same as bagpuss with my dd when she cut up a library book... she had to hand the book back and say sorry.

Staff said it did not matter but consequences of actions can be learnt young .... better than being shouted at or smacked ...... or even having no conseque ces till suddenly one day it does matter and the rules suddenly appear to change. !

Your ds will probably remember this more than just you telling him off and he will realise a person, not just an anonymous shop, was affected by his actions.

peggotty · 10/06/2013 20:48

er, sorry superbadspeller, but I think what you did was OTT! Holding cells for a 7 year old?!

Princessdivaaa · 10/06/2013 20:49

My mom did this to me when I was 9. I stole a pencil sharpener from a shop and my mom made me take it back.. I was so embarrassed I never stole again!

WorraLiberty · 10/06/2013 20:52

I can't imagine a police station in the land, letting a 7yr old anywhere near the cells.

Dawndonna · 10/06/2013 20:54

I think you were right, Electric

Superbad Why is she stealing? The odd sweet I can understand, but consistently? Is she being bullied and forced to hand over the money at school? I'd be looking at reasons if it is as consistent as you say it is, particularly after you've already given her fright.

FobblyWoof · 10/06/2013 21:01

I was just about to declare it the first unnanimous (sp?) AIBU. Darn!

I think you were right and it's better to nip it in the bud. It could just be an eight year old phase but you've stopped it in it's tracks and it won't happen again. It really doesn't matter what he stole, it's still just as wrong.