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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this a racist insult or not?

55 replies

bigbuttons · 10/06/2013 19:20

dd in year 6 was called a 'monkey' and then a 'gypsy' by a boy in her class today.
DD is mixed race asian and certainly has a lovely sun-kissed hue to her skin. She asked me if I thought they were racist comments as she wasn't sure. I said they were and that it was completely unacceptable.
She said that monkeys were quite sweet so maybe being called one wasn't so bad and that some 'gypsies' had nice coloured skin.
I have written an email to the school expressing my concerns.
The school is a small village church school 99% white etc etc.

OP posts:
Stressedtothehilt · 10/06/2013 19:26

Err yes def racist and you've done the right thing. The boy is old enough t know better. We are white and my dd was 5 when she called a mixed race boy 'brownie' amd told me all the kids call him that! She's never got such a telling off in her life and tells me she still remembers it now 4 years later! But she was too you g to understand. Year 6 is plenty old enough!

catgirl1976 · 10/06/2013 19:28

How old is year 6?

motherinferior · 10/06/2013 19:28

Good for both of you Grin

motherinferior · 10/06/2013 19:28

Year 6 is 11. About eight years too old to say anything of the kind.

Catlike · 10/06/2013 19:29

It's good that your DD wasn't too upset by the comments. I'm sure loads of people would say there's nothing racist about calling someone a monkey - they'll say the boy probably just meant your DD is cheeky and fun, or something ridiculous like that Hmm

I do think they're racial insults and would have reacted the same way as you.

BarbarianMum · 10/06/2013 19:29

I'm glad that your daughter doesn't think being called a monkey is so bad (being called a gypsy isn't either) but given the context and the ages of those involved I suspect it was not meant as a compliment and yes, had racist intent Sad.

Speak to the school and ensure it is logged as a racist incident (schools need to record these separately to other incidents of name calling) and treated seriously. Because it potentially is serious - for both children.

catgirl1976 · 10/06/2013 19:30

Thank you

Yes - definitely old enough to know better

Sad as he must be getting it from somewhere, but hopefully it can be nipped in the bud and he will realise how wrong it is

Sounds like your DD has a very mature head on her shoulders.

Alisvolatpropiis · 10/06/2013 19:31

Monkey on it's own might not have been racist,children will say things without really understanding the wider meaning,even in year aged 10/11.

However,paired with gypsy I would say that the child in question was being racist and knew it.

Yanbu.

I'm glad your dd wasn't overly upset by it but also glad you have written a letter about your concerns to the school.

themaltesecat · 10/06/2013 19:45

In my country (New Zealand), neither would be obviously racist.

littleducks · 10/06/2013 19:52

I after with Ali that monkey alone might not have had a racist intent but combined with gypsy it sounds like it did.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 10/06/2013 19:53

Year 6, yes, racist.

motherinferior · 10/06/2013 19:55

In my kids' multiracial school it would have been considered racist in Reception. And rightly so.

littlepeas · 10/06/2013 19:56

I think monkey is very racist! I immediately thought of fans, in certain countries known for their racism in football, doing monkey chants at black players!

Original poster
bigbuttons · 10/06/2013 19:57

I agree that monkey would have been harder to decide on. But gypsy, now that is not meant as a compliment. He could have chosen many words.
He has called her names before but nothing so overt.
His parents are very meek and shy people and would be very upset to hear he has done this. I have no idea why he is like this. It's especially sad as he has been in her class now since they were both 4.
I will make sure the incident is logged with the county.

OP posts:
ShabbyButNotChic · 10/06/2013 21:04

I had a very similar situation a couple of weeks ago. I work in childcare and a boy (black) came up and said that so-and-so called me a monkey. Initially i was like 'what!!' Partly because its a pretty retro term and i didnt think they would know it. After some investigation, turns out they had been playing on the internet googling each other. The boy in question had a surname that was the same as someone who worked at a monkey sanctuary and one of the first goggle images was a monkey. Naturally they all thought this was hilarious.
Once we got talking about it loads of them happily chipped in with 'yeah im a farmer/dog/etc'. It was totally innocent and the boy in question didnt even think it was a racist term. Still had to tell his mum though just in case he announced it over the dinner table!
Point being, things arent always how they appear to adults, with adult thoughts. As you say it was coupled with gypsy then that does put a slightly different slant on it. All im saying is make sure you have the facts of the situation before you do anything. If the comments were meant in a racist way then obviously that is terrible, and it saddens me to think a child would say things like that, as they have obviously learnt it from somewhere!

EagleRiderDirk · 10/06/2013 21:23

I dont think monkey in itself is racist, though my caribbean neighbour believes it to be (quite why she thought saying 'you're a cheeky little monkey honey' was addressed at her and not the baby I was holding I still never know, nor did the people who witnessed it though she is fricking insane).

Combined with gypsy it takes a whole different slant. However at year 6 they may still not quite grasp what's wrong with it. If you DD wasn't too phased I wouldn't worry, just keep it to the back of my mind.

Turniptwirl · 10/06/2013 21:30

I think it depends on the context.

But have s word with the school so they're aware and can nip it in the bud if anything similar happens again

kim147 · 10/06/2013 21:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doubtfuldaphne · 10/06/2013 21:51

Make the school come down on that boy like a ton of bricks.
My dd is mixed race Asian aswell and I would be livid if a child at the school said anything like this.
My dh went to a school similar to as you described and sadly it really changed the way he sees himself, like he's ashamed to be Asian. This is because of names like this boy called your dd ( it did get progressively worse )
I know she didn't seem that bothered by it but if one starts, others could join in and she needs to see that it's unacceptable from as early on as possible.

aldiwhore · 10/06/2013 21:57

Calling someone a monkey in a friendly way (cheeky monkey) and even a gypsie (I may have used that term for my dear friend who moves house every year 'just because') in jest, between close friends is one thing, but if it's said AS an insult, by someone who's not close enough to know that it will be received as a joke then it's not acceptable.

Of course, the words can be used in a racist manner, so yes, it can be racist.

Has she said anymore about the context of the exchange? I think it's important to know context, because although I do believe it is not appropriate in any of them it's the difference between a chat with a 10 year old about appropriate language and actual punishment.

I am very reticent to label a child as a racist on this incident alone, even if the words used were. If that makes sense? You are certainly NBU to investigate this further.

Original poster
bigbuttons · 10/06/2013 22:02

She said he said both things as she walked past him/ was near him today. There was no interchange beforehand, no friendly banter or chit chat. He just came out with them as she passed him. The boys in her year are pretty awful tbh, but mostly with each other.

OP posts:
Original poster
bigbuttons · 10/06/2013 22:06

It is also a worry that her school has a pretty ineffectual head who always tried to brush problems under the carpet because he is weak and doesn't like confronting issues. It is an 'outstanding' school and believes that it has no incidents of bullying etc etc. It's like they refuse to believe that anything unpleasant could happen there.

OP posts:
ShabbyButNotChic · 10/06/2013 22:16

I think if he just said them to her with no previous interactions then it is definitely a cause for concern. I would be putting it in writing to the head first and give him the chance to deal with it, if nothing happens then go over his head. Genuine racist incidents should be dealt with swiftly for everyones sake, however if the head is 'weak' this could be difficult! I hope your DD doesnt have to hear anymore comments :)

thornrose · 10/06/2013 22:22

Report it and insist the school deal with it. There are procedures in place which they must follow when dealing with racist incidents.

Tenacity · 10/06/2013 22:22

It's definitely racist.
'Monkey' is synonymous with monkey chants (usually football), and the throwing of bananas at black players! Very racist.

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