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Original poster

Is this a racist insult or not?

55 replies

bigbuttons · 10/06/2013 19:20

dd in year 6 was called a 'monkey' and then a 'gypsy' by a boy in her class today.
DD is mixed race asian and certainly has a lovely sun-kissed hue to her skin. She asked me if I thought they were racist comments as she wasn't sure. I said they were and that it was completely unacceptable.
She said that monkeys were quite sweet so maybe being called one wasn't so bad and that some 'gypsies' had nice coloured skin.
I have written an email to the school expressing my concerns.
The school is a small village church school 99% white etc etc.

OP posts:
thornrose · 10/06/2013 22:24

Even better, see if you can find the actual policy on the school website.

WilsonFrickett · 10/06/2013 22:45

Oof, the 'no bullying incidents here' is a massive red flag to me op. all schools have bullying incidents, ones who pretend they don't are just not dealing with them. Good luck. You are right to complain.

Startail · 10/06/2013 23:13

I live in a very white area, but we do have a lot of traverlers. I wouldn't think a Y6 boy here would say gypsy in total ignorance.

Any more than the Y9's who asked DDs asian friend if she was from Mars were being welcoming to, posibly the only black Y7.
(I wish she and DD had reported them, but It only dawned on DD sometime later they were being anything more than stupid.)

ComposHat · 10/06/2013 23:27

In my country (New Zealand), neither would be obviously racist

Given the endemic casual racism in Australia and New Zealand, we need not be overly concerned about what is and isn't considered racist in New Zealand.

Mimishimi · 10/06/2013 23:30

I first learned that being called a gypsy was an insult when I was in first grade. Up until then, I had no idea and had been called it a few times. I was proud of it Grin. I innocently told a neighbourhoid friend that a certain woman she knew looked like she could be a gypsy. Apparently she was terribly offended and told my friend "their lot" look far more like it than she did (my mum, one brother and I all have dark hair, eyes and olive skin). We had a few Romany families in town - some were Romanichal (English) some had grandparents who came over from East Europe. I never saw what the insult was because they were really nice kids/families and we were/ parents still are very good friends with two families in particular.

pleiadianpony · 10/06/2013 23:34

Yes. I love your child's responses. What a dear, i want to hug her! If only all children could be so resilient and positive in the face of uninformed name calling..

greenbananas · 10/06/2013 23:34

I call my 4 year old "monkey-boy" because he loves climbing trees Blush

If you think the intention was racist, then you should complain. Even if you think it was said in ignorance, you should make the school aware and ask them to deal with it.

Children shoud not be allowed to think this kind of language is okay. They should know that we ought not to treat our friends or anybody else in the world like that.

TheFlipsideOfTheCoin · 10/06/2013 23:37

I think it was racist in this case however I call my little sister "monkey" as a term of endearment

greenbananas · 10/06/2013 23:42

(btw, I stopped calling my own son "monkey-boy" when it occurred to me that, in our v. ethnically diverse neighbourhood, he should not be calling any other child this - even if they are very good at climbing trees!)

BlackeyedSusan · 11/06/2013 00:04

little monkey is generally used for cheeky children. (perhaps outdated now) one child to another is not appropiate, and if there was racial overtones... depending on context, absolutely not on. twinning it with gypsy would indicate it is not innocent and it is intended as an insult.

LeoandBoosmum · 11/06/2013 00:33

Of course it's racist. The kid was saying it to insult and wound.

Original poster
bigbuttons · 11/06/2013 07:04

Thank you for all your thoughts. They have been really helpful. I don't know, sometimes I doubt myself.
My initial reaction was 'of course it's racist' but then the doubts crept in, perhaps I was over reacting, etc, so I asked on here.
I will post later once I hear what the head has to say.

OP posts:
burberryqueen · 11/06/2013 07:16

the head will tell you that the poor boy meant nothing bad.....I bet..then he will make you feel foolish and that you are making a fuss about nothing

Mimishimi · 11/06/2013 08:15

Agree with Burberry, don't bring it up with head because it's likely he will do exactly that. Teach your daughter to say 'so what?' to the ethnic name-calling and 'monkeys are clever don't you know?' or some such to the other names. Or better yet, ignore with a look of disdain which clearly shows him up for the thick, oafish peasant he will undoubtedly become Grin.

BarbarianMum · 11/06/2013 09:32

If the Head in any way tries to sweep this under the carpet then write a very sternly worded letter to the Govenors insisting it is dealt with as a racist incident.

I really hope this is a one off (for your dd at this time, unfortunately I'm sure it won't be the last verbal abuse she encounters Sad) but if it escalates you have to report to the school each and every time.

To not tell the Head cause you don't think they'll deal with it properly (and I absolutely get that this happens) is just giving the school pass on dealing w something that they absolutely should be dealing with.

A Head who won't deal appropriately with racism isn't fit for the job. Ignoring is fine for your dd if it works as an immediate response, but she really doesn't have to put up with this.

pumpkinsweetie · 11/06/2013 09:48

Monkey may or may not be as monkey is a typical thing kids say to eachother regardless of colour but gypsy is definetly racist.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved · 11/06/2013 11:40

I would be ready to be firm about this with the school. The amount of alternative contexts given on this thread suggest to me that the Head could well use some of these to excuse dealing with rascist terms, although I know that this wasn't meant on the thread, it shows how easy it would be.

My ds isn't in school yet, but I would be less than reassured by a no bullying on this school presidence... Is this normal for a school to declare? A statement like that gives the school a strong incentive to ignore bullying to they can keep saying it.

LittlePeaPod · 11/06/2013 11:53

Report it ths racist. There is no justification for the little boy to call her those names. The little boy needs to learn that that sort of behaviour is unacceptable and ha parents should be notified. The real concern here is where did a 6 year old boy learn that from? Hopefully not his parents!

I am mixed race and grew up with those sorts of insults. Its water off a euks back now but those comments really affect you as a child. I remember how it felt..

Kinnane · 11/06/2013 12:04

I love your daughter's thought pattern. However, these are racist remarks. For your daughters sake and for all those who follow on it is right to report it. If the head teacher takes no action write to the school PTA.

Sleep404 · 11/06/2013 13:14

It's all about context and what other words were used. For example;
He's a black man vs he's a black bastard. The reference to black in the first instance isn't racist but the second certainly is.
The use of Monkey and Gypsy together are obviously racist but a seven year old is probably trying to get a reaction as opposed to actually hating your dd because of her skin colour. I would still report it though. It is not acceptable behaviour and he needs to know this.

MNBlackpoolandFylde · 11/06/2013 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarbarianMum · 11/06/2013 13:52

The children in question are in Year 6, not age 6.

aldiwhore · 11/06/2013 14:37

bigbuttons you definitely need to get the governors involved if the head is an ostrich.

Our school is a lovely small village school in a middle class area - it's vair naice. The reaction to being informed that all in the garden isn't rosey is usually one of denial. Bullying couldn't POSSIBLY happen in the school as it's just lovely. This is of course rubbish, and leads to inaction. My son was on the sharp end of this denial (it wasn't racism, just common garden loathful bullying for random reasons) and nothing was done until it became clear I wasn't going to let it go.

Good luck. I do think the racist remarks are a sideline to the more general problem of name calling... it's a bullying issue, it needs to be tackled in it's entirity.

Original poster
bigbuttons · 11/06/2013 15:45

The head wasn't in today but the deputy, who is also dd's class teacher, spoke with her and told her to let me know that it wasn't being left. An email would have been nice. I'm dropping off at school tomorrow so will hopefully speak with someone.
The boy concerned apparantly denies everything of course, but I won't let it lie.
aldiwhore our schools sound very, very similar

OP posts:
Mumsyblouse · 11/06/2013 16:00

Of course he was calling her names, he walked past her with no provocation and the things that came out of his mouth, in that context, were meant to wound and make her feel bad. Please don't doubt yourself.

It's like the difference between me squeezing my children's cheeks and saying 'look at these chubby chops' and a stranger going past and shouting 'fatty'. It's perfectly clear his intention was negative (and racist).

Your dd sounds ace though, and that type of self-esteem needs to be encouraged.

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