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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

....to hate my IL's?

67 replies

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 16:47

Ok, so I dislike them 80% of the time, but this just takes the cake!

DS3 had a football tournament on Saturday. DH was at work so we couldn't take him. The IL's volunteered!

After a lengthy phone call Friday night on directions and 'we're taking a picnic because you know how expensive the food is at those kind of places'. I got his kit ready and plenty of drinks (2 lucozades and 4 cartons of juice). I also slipped DS a fiver to get more drinks and an ice cream for the way home.

Sunday afternoon, when he came back from grandparents. I asked him about his day. to which he replied he didn't have an ice cream and he wanted another drink but Nanny didn't get him one! 'Did you drink all of those I sent you?', 'Yeah, and nan and grandad had some too'!!!!!!!

Turns out his nan had his fiver! While sitting in my house moaning that the bottles of water were £1 each and I had to give DS half of it as he was thirsty!!!!

WTF!!!!!!!

OP posts:

Jan49 · 10/06/2013 22:30

They didn't 'drink his drinks and steal his money'. He had 6 drinks with him for a day out so no one in their right mind would think they were all for him or that the child was being deprived of liquid and might dehydrate if someone else drank some of it, and he had money with him which was a contribution to the day out which they were taking him on or to buy anything he needed, and it sounds like they bought bottles of water which he drank too.

HaveIGotPoosForYou · 10/06/2013 22:44

YABU for 'hating' them. Finding them annoying, rude or impolite would suffice, but hate is such a very very strong word.

However, I know how desperate it can get.

How old is your DS? Not sure if mentioned as scanned and didn't see. If younger than say 10, is it possible they thought it best they kept a hold of the money as he wouldn't be responsible for it on his own, then forgot to give it back when they saw you or your partner?

Is it possible with the drinks they were tight gits and thought your son wouldn't miss them but didn't mean any harm by it, but were just not wanting to spend any money/thought your son had drunk enough?

Original poster

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 23:10

He had 6 drinks for a day of playing football on a warm day for 5ish hours and running around like loons with his team mates inbetween matches. I would expect him to drink more that day, hence the 6 drinks regardless of the liquid! And £5 for 'if HE wants anything' extra to the banquet picnic they provided which I naively presumed would include a drink for GP's if not all.

My beef is with GP's not buying the 'wildly expensive' bottled water or an ice cream when asked by DS. But that's nothing new of them to 'share' things which were meant for the children.

We're going to have to agree to disagree on this Jan :)
Out of curiosity, take away the fact that he's their GS and presume you were taking my DS for the day. Would you share the drinks around the rest of your party? Would you deny him a bottle of water out of the £5 I gave you?

DS is 9, and the money was given to GM for 'if he wants anything'. I guess it's possible that they forget to give it back, but I'll be asking that at their weekly torture session visit

OP posts:

boschy · 10/06/2013 23:21

I never take any money off children - and mine are teenagers, so if one of their friends offers cash for a cinema ticket or MacD or whatever, I wont take it. as far as I am concerned, if you invite someone somewhere, or as in your case, someone says they will provide the picnic, then that's it. Yes of course as a guest I would make the offer, but as the host I assume it is my responsibility to provide.

Jengnr · 11/06/2013 04:55

A 'contribution to the day out they were taking him on'???? Are you having a laugh???

His grandparents took him to a football tournament.

As I said, the drinks thing is understandable but stealing his money is really really not.

ApocalypseThen · 11/06/2013 05:29

Well we don't know that they stole it. That's the interpretation of someone who hates them - not really a neutral witness.

ComposHat · 11/06/2013 05:34

I think tp hate your in-laws for being a bit tight fisted is not on. Some of the examples you cite -husband's 18th birthday present and soup stain s on a jumper - seems really petty.

I'm gping to take a stab in the dark: you've been seeing your partner since you were teenagers, but are now early 30s or thereabouts? I'm guessing this as your relationship with them seems to have this quality where you take the role of a mardy teenager who 'hates' her in laws and they see someone who isnt fully adult and dont respect her as a parent in her own right.

Original poster

gemdotcom · 11/06/2013 08:27

It's more the fact that they refused him a drink and an ice cream when they were given a fiver for this exact reason! I don't agree they stole it, just didn't automatically hand it back haha

Ok, hate them is a strong word, hating on them, probably would have been a better expression. I actually used to tolerate get on with them more when I was younger, although we didnt have too much to do with them. When we had the children, they never interfered with parenting issues like my mother has in the past

Just the last couple of years they've really begun to wind US up even more. It does seem petty in hindsight, but it's those niggling little things, like when your husband leaves his clothes NEXT TO the laundry basket!!!! They have another son, who I guess is the black sheep, they never visit him lucky bastard and aren't that pleasant about him, his wife and this dd's.... could be worse I suppose.

OP posts:

IamMrsElf · 11/06/2013 08:32

Surely, OP, you are using the word 'hate' merely to demonstrate that your feelings towards them are frosty, not that you genuinely hate them - who has time for that - hate is so consuming. It sounds like they regularly boil your blood. Why do you have to send your DCs to them once a week? I dislike my ILs and would NEVER send my DCs to them once a week - my blood pressure and sanity could not take it.

They were unreasonable to drink your DS's drinks, they were unreasonable not to give you back the money - but perhaps they 'forgot' - they seem a bit senile They were unreasonable not to buy him some water (as a minimum).

OhTheConfusion · 11/06/2013 08:52

'Hate' aside I would be a bit annoyed too.

It would never occur to me to send any of the DC's with money when they go with their grandparents. If I packed drinks and snacks in with football/tennis/swimming kit etc it would be assumed they were for the DC doing the activity and everyone else would eat extra goodies etc from the picnic. They would also buy ice creams or extra drinks.

Likewise if we had friends children, niece's, nephews or my younger Dsis and Dbro (16 and 19) we pay for everything.

I would be putting a stop to the weekly dinner and meal requests too!

Fuzzysnout · 11/06/2013 09:20

Matching soup-stained jumpers. This is the key piece of evidence. Was it just the jumpers that matched or were the soup stains matching too?

Jan49 · 11/06/2013 10:34

Out of curiosity, take away the fact that he's their GS and presume you were taking my DS for the day. Would you share the drinks around the rest of your party? Would you deny him a bottle of water out of the £5 I gave you?

If I took a friend's child and the parent gave me £5 for icecream/drink, I'd give them back the change if I bought the child an icecream or drink and the parent would probably decline to accept it! (But I think friends and gps are very different). If we'd taken a picnic, I'd think the drinks were to share, as a contribution to the picnic. I've never taken a child out who has brought more than one drink. I wouldn't deny him a bottle of water out of the £5 but I wouldn't let him drink all of the 6 drinks and it wouldn't occur to me that the parent had intended him to.

A grandparent who takes the child out for the day is more than many children have. My ds's GPs have never done that. I had lovely grandparents but we mostly saw them at their home or ours and they wouldn't expect to eat or drink whilst out. You waited til you got home. Neither my ds nor I have ever had a GP who would take them to an all day event without the parents. If I'm ever a grandparent, I think I'd take my gc out for the day and pay for everything, but if they brought 6 drinks with them, I'd assume they were to share. Both my gps and my ds's gps would insist on paying for everything if we were out with them as a family but they would never be out with just the gc.

I think it's quite petty to bother about £5 and I definitely wouldn't ask for any of it back. Your inlaws were doing a lovely thing in taking your ds out for the day.

1Veryhungrycaterpillar · 11/06/2013 10:43

I need to know what kind of soup it was before I make my judgement

Jan49 · 11/06/2013 10:50

Was it actually soup or had they both had upset stomachs the previous day?????

pinkyredrose · 11/06/2013 11:03

It's the DC I feel sorry for!

OP next time send him with a big bottle of water and some sandwiches!

pinkyredrose · 11/06/2013 11:04

DC's TEETH I meant to say!!!!!!

BegoniaBampot · 11/06/2013 11:43

exactly. probably did him a favoyr drinking his drinks. 6 drinks and none of them we water - tsk!

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