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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

....to hate my IL's?

67 replies

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 16:47

Ok, so I dislike them 80% of the time, but this just takes the cake!

DS3 had a football tournament on Saturday. DH was at work so we couldn't take him. The IL's volunteered!

After a lengthy phone call Friday night on directions and 'we're taking a picnic because you know how expensive the food is at those kind of places'. I got his kit ready and plenty of drinks (2 lucozades and 4 cartons of juice). I also slipped DS a fiver to get more drinks and an ice cream for the way home.

Sunday afternoon, when he came back from grandparents. I asked him about his day. to which he replied he didn't have an ice cream and he wanted another drink but Nanny didn't get him one! 'Did you drink all of those I sent you?', 'Yeah, and nan and grandad had some too'!!!!!!!

Turns out his nan had his fiver! While sitting in my house moaning that the bottles of water were £1 each and I had to give DS half of it as he was thirsty!!!!

WTF!!!!!!!

OP posts:

ComposHat · 10/06/2013 18:01

How about showing up to a school play in matching soup stained jumpers!

I'd put that in the loveably eccentric category, which at worse would provoke mild embarasment at worst, rather than hatred or anything approaching it.

WilsonFrickett · 10/06/2013 18:04

If someone sent a child to me with 6 drinks (and none of them were water) then yes, I would assume they were for everyone to share because I wouldn't let a child drink that much juice. I would have assumed his money was 'his' money though, I wouldn't have taken it from him.

ChunkyPickle · 10/06/2013 18:08

TBH, if it were my ILs (or parents) I would have expected them to have packed drinks for DS too, and DS would have been returned along with a bag of biscuits for later, a fiver tucked into his bag for sweets, and a toy car they'd bought on the way home.

But then my ILs raised a family of boys, and are lovely people who absolutely adore DS.

Chalk it up to experience, it's not worth anything more than laughing at their tightness and remembering for next time.

Original poster

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 18:11

You're too bloody nice composhat!

As they suggested the picnic, I haughtily assumed they were providing the food and drink for the 3 of them.
Much like when the children stay over they don't ask me for b&b money!?!?

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WarmAndSunny · 10/06/2013 18:15

That's a whole lot of juice for one kid. If he is dehydrated water would surely have to picture in their? Yabu but everyone else has said that . Then again I have good in laws who don't grate me. You sound like yours do other things that annoy you too! So maybe there is more to the story..

MissStrawberry · 10/06/2013 18:16

My in-laws would have brought everything they felt they would need for themselves for the day, plus extra for the DC. They would have paid what ever money was needed to make sure the child had sufficient food and drink plus would have bought an ice cream.

I would have sent more food/drink than my child could have consumed and told my PIL to have anything from it they wanted. They would have done this while making sure the child had enough.

They would not have commented about the cost of anything.

They sometimes have my children over night for me and never ask for, nor would they take, any monetary contributions. They are their grand children and it is perfectly fine that they "pay" to feed them.

Jan49 · 10/06/2013 18:18

But if you thought they were providing all the food and drink for all 3 of them, why did you give your ds 6 drinks and money?

I still don't know who the £5 was for - icecreams for all 3 or just icecream and drink for ds? - so I don't think it's surprising if your inlaws didn't understand. I think you just needed to discuss it with them and make it clear who was bringing what, so you could have said "I'll give ds £5 to buy all 3 of you icecreams" or whatever.

Jan49 · 10/06/2013 18:22

If my inlaws had taken my ds out for a day, I'd have provided a bottle of tap water for ds and they would have treated it as just his, but they'd have seen no need for anyone to drink anything and would have thought I was being ridiculous for providing him with drink.

Original poster

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 18:27

You're not going to tell the dentist police are you warmandsunny!?!?

Yeah this is just a tiny part of the 17 year long list of things my IL's do to irk me.

The moral of the story is to never assume [gin and tonic]

OP posts:

Original poster

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 18:29

But if you thought they were providing all the food and drink for all 3 of them, why did you give your ds 6 drinks and money?

Because I knew they would be too tight to buy any extra drinks or an ice cream for the journey home

OP posts:

SarahAndFuck · 10/06/2013 18:36

"Well thank you Nm's for putting a different perspective on it..."

OP, did you mean to be so rude!?

Ledkr · 10/06/2013 19:00

They aren't just people helping though are they? They are grandparents. Is it just me who expects that maybe they can just do something with ds because they want to and sybs treat him to a lolly while they're at it?
Are they poor op or just mean like my pil who if they do buy a drink anywhere have to share one despite having more money than Elvis

IneedAsockamnesty · 10/06/2013 19:07

If a child has a few pounds do people seriously need to be told its the child's and would they really expect the child to be buying the adults an ice cream?

Original poster

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 19:31

They're certainly not on the breadline but will bite your hand off for something for nothing!

I can't say I'm utterly shocked and surprised at this. For DH's 18th birthday he received a pen and a lucky dip on the lottery. This kept us going in laughs for months.

It also takes me back to one Sunday evening, when their weekly visits became longer to coincide with Sunday tea. After a couple of weeks I started to cook more and dish up for them too. One Sunday FIL turned round and said 'How about a bit of pork next week, we haven't had that for ages' [shocked]

OP posts:

Jan49 · 10/06/2013 19:43

OP, I think it was up you to make it clear what the drink and money is for. Your inlaws probably assumed it was a contribution to the picnic as nothing was explained. The £5 looks like money the parent is giving as a contribution, not the child's money. How do they know unless it's said?

There's no way I'd assume that the child was supposed to drink 6 fizzy/juice drinks and have an icecream and spend the rest of £5 on drink for themselves. I'd have stopped the child way before they drank that much and got them water if they were still thirsty. One day I'll make a crap MIL.

MissStrawberry · 10/06/2013 19:45

gemdotcom - did you do pork?

Original poster

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 20:12

I've shown hubby this, he did tell them the money was for 'if he wants anything'. For clarity the juice was Asda 'fresh' orange juice, the 250ml-ish ones.

Trust me, the though would have never occurred that it could be wayyyy too much sugar, to the people who when given a few £ to stop at the petrol station to get DC a drink for training bought relentless!!!!!! yes I was pissed about this too, but months later I'm actually laughing as I write

OP posts:

Original poster

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 20:13

Needless to say Strawbs I told him to go forth and multiply

OP posts:

Ledkr · 10/06/2013 20:15

Next time send fruit shoots that will learn them

YoniRanger · 10/06/2013 20:22

I'm really surprised by this thread.

I'm actually quite that so many people expect shit, tightfisted and thieving behaviour from grandparents.

My grandparents were all properly poor but never under any circumstances would they have let a treat pass me by. Let alone fucking steal my drink in boiling weather while I was competing in a sporting event!

If either set of DD's grandparents did anything like that they would not have any unsupervised contact with her again.

Disgusting behaviour.

WilsonFrickett · 10/06/2013 20:27

Och unclench Yoni. My mum would never have sent me out on a trip with my GPs with stuff for 'just me'. That's tightfisted, IMO.

Original poster

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 20:35

They were supplying the picnic beef sandwiches on white and a banana each and when asked they said had it covered

OP posts:

Jengnr · 10/06/2013 20:54

They drank his drinks and stole his money and people on here are trying to justify that? I'm astounded.

I can see how they might have thought there was a drink there for them, yes, but stealing from him is utterly indefensible.

BegoniaBampot · 10/06/2013 21:11

Way too much juice so not surprised that might have thought it was for them too. As for the money, maybe they were keeping it safe and just forgot. After all that juice they probably thought they were doing him a favour not letting him more crap, probably when th were young things were a lot more restricted.

As for the soupy jumpers, not sure if the problem is with you or the inlaws TBH. Looks like you are looking for things to have a go at them for.

Original poster

gemdotcom · 10/06/2013 21:14

I'm constantly on the look out for my next forum post on them

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