to have been upset by this comment from a member of staff?
MadeinChelsea · 09/06/2013 19:18
Went to a wedding yesterday, which was 5 hours away.
Had finished work on Friday and driven half way down with two friends, booked a hotel room and then woke up at 6 the next morning, got ready and drove for another 2.5 hours.
Got there, ceremony, meal, speeches - all lovely. The reception started at 7, went up to get a drink about 9ish and the woman behind the bar says - "you look as tired as I feel"
.... I was so as it's a more polite way of saying you look like shit basically. It'd been a long two days and I thought I looked ok but after her saying that I felt so self-conscious that I couldn't really enjoy myself.
The venue itself was so nice and it had obviously cost the couple a lot of money to hire it and you just don't expect staff to say things about the guests appearances.
ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 09/06/2013 19:22
Perhaps you looked - tired
You can look perfectly lovely, very well turned out and still look tired.
If you're tired, you look tired, regardless how nice your outfit or well done your hair or make up.
Don't dwell on it. I am sure you looked smashing.
just a bit tired.
BeckAndCall · 09/06/2013 19:29
I don't see why 'you look tired' is negative? Maybe you do look tired - the details of the getting there certainly sound as if you would be tired?
The member of staff is just making polite conversation, or in your opinion, not so polite, at a wedding. If she hadn't said anything to you at all, that may be construed as being cold and unfriendly - not what you want at a wedding, maybe?
Let it go.
MeetMeinBaaBar · 09/06/2013 19:31
I both say that and have people say it to me all the time
Why would you ever say that to someone?
I would never feel the need to say that to anyone, it's so thoughtless and could potentially make that person feel quite shit.
You have no idea why that person might be tired. So stop saying it.
It's up there with the - "smile it might never happen"
MeetMeinBaaBar · 09/06/2013 19:33
The member of staff is just making polite conversation
Hmm, I think polite conversation would be - "your dress is nice", "have you enjoyed yourself today?"
Not saying - you look tired.
I'm sure an overweight person wouldn't like me saying - "you look quite fat"
It might be how they look, but it certainly isn't a nice thing to say.
HibiscusIsland · 09/06/2013 19:43
I'm quite oversensitive and can take things to heart, but I wouldn't be offended by that comment I don't think. I think the woman was just sympathising and trying to find common ground/make conversation. I think saying someone looks tired is very different to saying they look fat as if you look tired you can make an effort to look more awake and paste a bright cheerful expression on your face so you don't look tired.
perplexedpirate · 09/06/2013 19:49
It really doesn't matter whether she looked tired or not!
You just don't say that to someone. If the woman had said 'you look a bit ugly' would you say 'well maybe you did look ugly'?
She was at a wedding, had presumably put quite some effort into how she looked, and got that from member of staff?!
Yes, sorry, I would complain.
BackforGood · 09/06/2013 19:54
I think it's clear from this thread, that people must interpret the phrase "You look tired" differently.
For me, it means ...er.... 'you look tired', which isn't a rude comment at all. I'd have said "yes, we live a long way away and were up early this morning" or something. It's usually said in an empathetic manner.
Clearly others have some secret code book, and translate "You look tired" as somehow meaning something else, or in some way being rude. I'm afraid the staff member couldn't have known about this unless she'd read this thread beforehand.
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