That I my DD won't grow up knowing my native language (French)

[coucou80]

Hiya there ladies,

Silly o'clock but suffer from insomnia and DH is working. Just literally been thinking, I really am scared that DD (due on 27th November) will never end up growing up knowing French as her first language (as well as English as DH is English) as I only ever use French when I go back to France with my family and that is only once a year and English is pretty much my first language these days. Have been reading the 'Bilingual babies' thread thingy and much of what was written there ringed true to me. Strange as it seems, I feel very strange when I speak in French and words just seem more natural in English. Any suggestions at all?

What everybody else has said.

If I were you, I wiuld start now to read again in French, and watch films in french, if you're not doing that already. When your baby is born, get her french cds, books and kids dvds in french.

It will all come back!

We have English as a home language but DH generally speaks his native language to DS, and what with regular contact (phone, Skype and visits) with GPs it doesn't seen to be holding DS back in that language.

He's still only 2 so it's early days but you can see he's already understood who speaks which language and will switch depending on the audience (unless he doesn't know the word, but generally you only need to tell him once and then he gets it pretty quickly).

So definitely not impossible OP (and i get what you're saying about vocab missing when you speak in your own language - I've been abroad for years and I often can't remember specific words, particularly if I haven't experienced it in my native language). It will feel strange at first I'm sure but as the poster above says, it's such a precious gift it would be a shame to not try just because it feels odd to speak your native language to you own child to start with.

BTW I agree that you should try to get your DH to learn at least some basics. He probably did at school anyway so it should be just a case of reawakening that a bit...

I think it is a fantastic opportunity to start life bilingual and I know small DCs who just switch between the languages. I do think DH ought to learn some French.

My mum is Armenian, and used it a lot at home when talking to me. There is no harm in doing tat. Buy some French children's cartoons on DVD, my dh speaks Spanish and dd watched a lot of Dora and picked up.a bit of Spanish from them. There is no reason why your dd will not be able to speak French as mabey a second language, just use it with her along side English and put some French cartoons on so she has it in the background, or French tv if you have cable

most small children cope easily with bilingual parents it does not confuse them that mummy speaks french and daddy english, when they speak they will answer you in french and daddy in english, I worked in a gaelic speaking area for several years and most children were completely fluent in gaelic and english by school age, depending on whether went to english or gaelic school would determine written ability in gaelic

if you want her just to speak french she will learn at home but she will need extra lessons tuition to learn to read/ write french but loads of children do this with second language whether chinese urdu arabic or in your case french from an early age,

it is much easier to start bilingual than try and start teaching her french at age 7

I found it very hard. French is my first language too, When Dd1 was little and until she started school, I only spoke to her in French, she is now 14 and has just sat her French GCSE, she is pretty much fluent in French, both reading and writing although she does have a little accent. Sadly her siblings did not have the same start and DS2 speaks a bit, understands most, DS3 understands a bit but does not speak much and DD4 learn more French at after school club than at home .

The irony is that my dad is Italian and pre-children I used to have a go at him for not talking to us in Italian (which I have learned on holiday with cousins).

I know a 2 yr old who is speaking 3 languages, his mothers, his fathers and English. He muddles them at the moment but will sort them out in time.

Just to add, I have found the practicalities of bilingualism incredibly easy. Both dc have simply accepted it from the beginning, and both began to differentiate very early on which language to use according to who they were speaking to. Dc1 separated languages quite precisely from the beginning, while dc2, although his sentences are fundamentally in one language, still does use a mix of terms - but that is all part of the normal language acquisition process (think of monolingual children over-generalising grammatical rules - for example, 'cutted' for cut in the past tense - it's a similar kind of thing).

I took dc1 to London last year, when he was 7, to stay with friends. Circumstances had meant we hadn't been to the UK since the children were 5 and nearly 3 respectively. He was completely functional immediately, chatting away to the friends' dd, and by the end of the week had acquired a north London accent All that comes from the years of previous 'work' (although I've always found it more pleasure than work) of doing OPOL.

You may well find you actually aren't inhibited about speaking French, when it's to a baby, since it's a different kind of language, which you wouldn't necessarily have in English.

Children, as a rule, acquire languages very easily.

Why wouldn't you pass that on?

Our daughter is becoming bilingual (she had a slight language delay, but now is coming out with heaps in both languages). We started with books like "1000 Words of Russian" (she adores the pictures) and cartoons from Youtube. France has made some fine cartoons, hasn't it? I always used to love Asterix in particular. There are plenty of fun ways to expose your child to your own language.

On the other hand, French is an easy language for a native English speaker and she might well learn to speak it to a passable standard at school and afterwards even without your input.

Sorry! Just realised that you are pregnant and you have yet to hold your baby in your arms. Oh, don't worry, you WILL speak in French to her- all the half-forgotten rhymes and little talks and fanciful stories will traipse off your lips in your native language. You will have no control over this whatsoever.

I am bilingual. When I was little my parents kept the languages separate between them so I wouldn't get confused. It would be such a shame if you couldn't give her that.

OPOL is one way of giving your children the gift of bilingualism. It is not the only way. We used a less strict approach and at 13 and 16 dc are definitely bilingual.

However, it may well be that OPOL would be a good approach in your case, as you find it difficult to stop speaking English at all, so perhaps you do need to go cold turkey with your dd.

Your biggest obstacle seems to be that French is no longer very present in your life. I think you need to take steps to make it more real to yourself: read French books, hear French music, watch French films (no hardship there!), maybe join a French online forum (what is Mumsnet in French?), see if you can find a French speaking group that meets somewhere, revive contact with relatives and old friends.

As your child grows, she will also need other sources of French than you to make it all seem real and worthwhile. So start thinking about that now. What other posters have said about DVD and TV programmes.

Being a minority parent myself, I can perfectly well see why you would contemplate not speaking your own language to your child. If your relationship with your dh has been wholly in English and your working and social life is wholly in English that can seem like the easy path. But really, bilingualism is very, very worth it.

Just don't get hung up on the idea that everything has to be perfect to be worthwhile, and that every child at every stage of his development has to be a perfectly balanced bilingual. I don't think such a thing as balanced bilingualism exists: nearly all bilinguals do some things better in one language and some in another. But any, any, any knowledge of any language is worth having!

I had a Belgian friend a few years ago whose DH is English. With their 2 DD's she spoke only Flemish. The DD's are completely bilingual, which I agree with others on here is a fabulous gift to give your DC. It's quite cute when they're young and mix up both languages in 1 sentence too!

My friend had lived in England longer than Belgium by then so I suspect she was a tad rusty to start with too.

my grandmother was maltese and my grandfather wouldnt let her speak maltese to the children. All my aunts and uncles regret this.

I have a french friend who speaks english to the children but regrets not speakng french to them now they are a bit older.

bilingualism is SUCH a gift

Why don't you plan on speaking French to your baby? I am English and live in Paris. I speak French to DP and to my DSSs, yet have always spoken English to DD and she speaks it perfectly (she is 8).

My situation is the reverse of yours as I'm British, married to a Frenchman in France! It never occured to me that my children would not speak English. I have always spoken to them in English and couldn't care less if DH, the ILs, the neighbours and school gate mums don't understand!
My French is fluent but I couldn't not speak my mother tongue with my own kids.

The DC are all perfectly at ease in either language and people in the UK are always surprised to hear that they live in France. (I'm from the North so people presume we live down South as the kids sound a bit posh and ex-patty, but definitely not French!)

I think OPOL would work perfectly for you. You will have at least 4 years to create an influential environment of French immersion at home, with the help of DVDs, CDs, Internet Radio, French TV via Satellite, books, etc.

Once they start school it will become more difficult, but it will always stay witht her, but you need to be firm in your approach, meaning no English at all when you speak to her.

You will get back into speaking French all the time, it's your mother tongue! You still have time to surround yourself with it again, start watching French Tv etc.

Our children are bilingual (German/English), we speak only German at home. Dd1 did brilliantly in her German GCSE in year 8 with minimum effort (meaning no lessons at school, but being taught some grammar by me, maybe 10 hours work in total). Ds will also do his GCSE in year 8, he didn't choose German at school either, as he only needs some practice writing but that's it.

Our house is full of German stuff, we have German Satelite Tv, 95%of our DVds are in German, loads and loads of books, we have a teen magazine subscription, etc.

My dd2 starts school in September, she is fluent in both languages, can translate, asks me for words in either language if she doesn't know them, and tells her teenage siblings off if they talk English at home (which they do when they're alone).

Don't waste this opportunity, you can give it a try first and see how it goes. Don't worry about confusing her, she will pick up both languages with ease.

there is so much research showing just how much benefit there is for children who are bought up being bilingual, my three girls are and its amazing to hear

We live in France, and speak only English at home, my girls go for english lessons once a week and are following the UK curriculum and will be taking the IGCSE. I know in the UK they do have French school on Saturdays to help people in the same position as you, I guess this does depend on where you live.

there are some great resources here

and you could start to order books from France on Amazon, about Baby Development, Cookery Books for Babys, etc for all the areas that you feel you don't have the vocab for.

just to add when my dd started at maternelle here at 3, they could not speak French but within a very short space of time they were speaking French, within a year they were fluent.

There are over 150 pieces of research show that speaking two languages actually gives children a far better language skills and I know from my own children that the fact they speak, read and write english has had a very positive affect on their french work, it doesnt confuse them at all

I would definitely try to do OPOL at least to some degree. I heard about a father who would take his DD for one afternoon a week to a particular park and when there would only speak Spanish to her. From a very young age she would switch to Spanish quite happily when they went to that park.

Regular visits to/from French relatives will help a lot too.

helenthemadex - I'm confused , do your girls also go to a French school? are they taking the IGCSE as extra?

Kelda I live in France so they go to a french school, but I also send them to Accents which is an association in the area I live in that helps children to maintain their English, it follows the UK Key stages curriculum, they will take their IGCSE with/through them. The IGCSE can be used towards the Baccalaureate