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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its rude not to RSVP to party?

33 replies

Ashoething · 08/06/2013 20:47

It was my dc3 birthday party today. We had hired a local hall with bouncy castle,soft play etc.

I gave out the invitations 2 weeks ago with my number on it to RSVP.

Off the 25 or so kids invited 11 turned up. Now I understand many people have other commitments but I see most of these people every day-saw some of then today in fact-and not one of them bothered to let me know that they couldn't make it.

AIBU to think its common manners to RSVP?

DC3 still had a great time though and we have lots of sandwiches,crisps and sweets left to last us all week!!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 08/06/2013 20:48

Of course they were rude.
Unfortunately it seems to be the norm these days.
Had they actually told you that they would be coming?

Tee2072 · 08/06/2013 20:49

I don't expect people to RSVP for a kids party.

I had my son's 4th birthday today and about 10 said they were coming, 2 or 3 said maybe.

We had 9 in the end.

Food left over, but not that big of a deal, really.

LindyHemming · 08/06/2013 20:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollyBerryBush · 08/06/2013 20:52

People really don't have manners today.

MulberryJane · 08/06/2013 20:52

YANBU - it's bad manners not to RSVP, especially in times like these where money is tight for most people. Failing to RSVP means that either the host has to cater for people and risk them not coming, or the host doesn't cater for them and risk running out of things - either way, it's unfair on the host.

Original poster
Ashoething · 08/06/2013 20:52

No they had just not said anything so I assumed they were probably coming. Only 1 person said they definitely couldn't come and 1 was a maybe so I am a bit Hmm 2 people who said they were definitely coming were no shows and didn't call/text either.

I think that because the weather was so nice that many people probably went to the beach/had bbq etc. Not a problem just wish they had let me know!

It probably stings more because I am so pathetically grateful when my dcs get an invite I wouldn't dream of not RSVPINGGrin

OP posts:
Fedupofdiets · 08/06/2013 20:53

I'm the opposite to tee I absolutely expect an RSVP if I have put a contact numbed on the invite. I think it's just damn bad manners not to bother. I've had this plenty of times, no contact then they just turn up. How are you supposed to cater if you don't know how many will come?!

raisah · 08/06/2013 20:54

I invited 12 for a joint party for my dc, only 2 rsvp'd to decline & the others didn't bother. In the end I had to cancel because of the snow but had to leave a note taped to the front of the hall for those who didn't reply. I didn't have their numbers to contact them.

Original poster
Ashoething · 08/06/2013 20:56

Well the kids that came will think they are very lucky as they went home with lots of sweets,big slice of cake etc so alls well that ends wellGrin

OP posts:
Pancakeflipper · 08/06/2013 20:58

YANBU.

It is rude to not reply, that's why people put phone numbers on the invites with RSVP. Those who don't respond I always presume that they are not coming but I will chase them them up a few days prior to the party I have no shame so I can ensure I have enough food/party bags etc.

crashdoll · 08/06/2013 21:03

YANBU. I think it's very rude not to reply. It doesn't have to be a phone call, they could say yes or no in person if they see the party arranger.

Original poster
Ashoething · 08/06/2013 21:04

Perhaps I should have asked them if they were coming or not but didn't want to seem too pushy.

Plus there was a party a couple of weeks ago with the same group of kids and loads went even thought the party venue was a bit out of the way-ours was 5 minutes round the corner! So kind of assumed it wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience for everyone.

Not a big deal really-dc didn't even notice that half the people didn't turn up. I am most miffed about the fact that my neighbours who live about 6 doors up from me didnt come or RSVP either but were outside playing when we came back but hey ho-thats the last invite they get

OP posts:
WorkingtoohardMama · 08/06/2013 21:06

I invited 5 of ds's friends to the pictures/lunch, one parent text straight away to say sorry cant make it and another text to yes; didn't hear anything from the other 3.

So frustrating as I needed to book cinema tickets and restaurant for today, ended up waiting outside school yesterday to check, I felt really embarrassed asking because I hate chasing people.

They all said yes they're coming, no apology for not letting me know - and one child turned up today without a card for ds - you think when we're paying to take your child out for a treat, the least you could do is get my child a birthday card, but hey ho!

Original poster
Ashoething · 08/06/2013 21:09

I would hate to think that people didn't come due to worrying about cost/present. I told the people that asked that dc would be delighted with a pound shop toy or a pack of sweets which is true!

The main thing is that my dc had a great time and the friends that came did too-the gin I am necking is making me feel a lot more chilled about itGrin

OP posts:
WorkingtoohardMama · 08/06/2013 21:27

I would hate that too, I would never expect a present and would hate people to feel that they couldn't come because of not getting a present; however I do think its rude not to get a card to acknowledge that it's someone's birthday.

And I do think its rude not to RSVP, even if its a no, it's just good manners, and now everyone's got mobiles its so easy to reply!

NicknameIncomplete · 08/06/2013 21:34

If i dont get a rsvp i assume they arent coming and not cater for them. Id be quite tempted to turn them away if they did turn up on the day.

I think it is very bad manners. Its better to know either way rather than wonder.

Oblomov · 08/06/2013 21:43

It is very rude.
It seems to be the norm these days.
Doesn't make it any less rude.

Hhhmmmmm · 08/06/2013 22:46

YANBU

However, I recently had a problem that made me re-think a little. My DD1 in Year 1 and a very reliable sort of child unlike her sister, recently came home from school, adamant that she had been invited to a party but had lost the invitation and wasn't sure who it was from as she'd found it in her tray (and not opened it straight away!). It left me totally stressed that the party mum would think I was rude enough to not have bothered replying and yet I didn't want to be the desperate mum approaching others on the playground asking if they'd asked DD to their party! In the end I just had to hope they would catch me about it as I do the school run but they never did Sad

It's now converted me to keeping parties of my own children only to those friends they know really well so that I already have mum's mobile and can text them directly if needed! lol

arethereanyleftatall · 08/06/2013 22:49

Yanbu. That's outrageous! I would always respond.

megsmouse · 08/06/2013 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lj123 · 08/06/2013 22:52

I run birthday parties where I work, it's a minimum of 10 children that you have to pay for a week before the party, that's at £15.95 p/h.
The amount of people who don't show up or show up extra without any notice is disgraceful! Not only that but before we start games we let them explore equipment while waiting or kids to arrive, we have to start after 15 mins as people can be up to 40 mins late!!
It's horrific, especially when someone else if paying for your child just not to turn up is plain rude and inconvenient.

mikkii · 08/06/2013 22:57

I always RSVP, but sometimes not until the date given on the invitation. Recently I knew I wa meant to have done so by that day so I went and found the mum, apologised (even though I wasn't late to respond at that stage) she said oh, I didn't realise you were x's mum.....

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 08/06/2013 22:58

We invited the whole of ds2's class (29) and less than half RSVP'd. Luckily i'm at school most days so did shamelessly ask parents who hadn't replied or asked CM's to pass on messages to parents.

In the end there were still 3 that we heard nothing from, and then 3 no-shows on the day.

It's so rude and I struggle to see what's so difficult about sending a text or phoning soon after receiving the invite.

mikkii · 08/06/2013 23:00

Actually, worse than that, in reception DS invited a girl in his class and her twin sister, no RSVP so I caught dad outside school. When he dropped them off at the party he told me they don't eat pork. It's a Catholic school, I didn't cater for that, (ham sandwiches, sausages, sausage rolls, bacon flavour crisps)

In subsequent years I dissuaded DS from inviting them.

ExitPursuedByABear · 08/06/2013 23:05

Dreadfully rude. Invitations should always be replied to and any changes communicated. Only once did I find an invitation in DD's bag at the end of the summer holidays for a party we had missed and I offered a profuse apology. How the hell are you supposed to plan if folk don't respond?

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