To want to give my elderly neighbour "a shake"?

[SgtTJCalhoun]

Neighbour just came out at the same time as I did as I let the dog out. He asked where dc were. I told him still in PJ's. He then informed me:-

EN: that boy of yours should be walking that dog by now.

(ds is 10 and has high functioning autism, dyspraxia, sensory processing disorder and hypermobility - the neighbour knows this, has been told repeatedly)

Me: well he's not really up to that.

ED: what you need to do is MAKE that boy think for himself, he needs a good shake (along with demonstrating physically with his hands and arms what "a good shake" would look like).

Me: you haven't got a clue I am afraid, have a nice day!

Honestly I feel like banging my head against a brick wall sometimes.

Me: oh he's

No, many of my lot were high-powered engineers and academics, experts in their fields. Got a couple of scientists and a shepherd in there too.
Not locked up in a home or abandoned by their families.
If you were clever and well-off, you were a gifted eccentric.

My own father hasn't talked to me properly or looked me fully in the face for about three years because I won't allow to practise his usual brand of discipline on ds, that would be dragging him around and bellowing at him. Because I intervene this "hurts his feelings" and makes him feel like "a child abuser". Yeah Dad because its ALL about YOU isn't it?

Why should your father feel that he has the right to discipline your son?
He had his chance to raise children with you and any siblings that you might have. Now it's your turn.
If he doesn't listen, withdraw and tell him why.

I have told him. That's why he has withdrawn from us. I don't have any contact with my parents at all now because of it.

It's not so long since people were blaming accidental pregnancy on toilet seats. I know a granny who darkly insisted her first grandchild was the product of 'that out of date can of tuna'.

Ignorance can be funny, and can be unfunny and annoying - but there's a lot of it about.

What you have written in your fourth paragraph is a gem. I.E. how autism manifests itself in your cousins, friends, dinner lady's, grandmas son will almost certainly not be the same in the next person with ASD that you meet. There are NO rules.

Your DS is so very lucky that you are his parent, SgtTJCalhoun.
Good choice, and your parents' loss.

Golden rules, Itcouldbeworse?

Listen carefully, don't assume that you know what's needed, ask others who know such as parents and support staff in school,
Remember that a dx is an explanation, not an excuse and that a child on the spectrum is capable of being a mischievous PITA as well as a vulnerable individual.

Thanks goblin. That's lovely to have someone say that .

GoblinGranny, I appear to have a sudden attack of hayfever, having never had it before!! I bet you were so proud and rightly so.

SgtTJCalhoun if ever there was a time to ignore, ignore, then ignore a little bit more, it is with this neighbour. You can tell him all you like, you could print off sheets of paper with information until the rainforests are totally destroyed, he is never going to understand that. There is something wrong with his thought processes that will not allow that. Maybe realising that will help. Perhaps give the same understanding you give your child to this old person and it will help you to keep calm. I am absolutely not saying he is right and you are wrong but a lot of older people find it hard to get new information and only understand what they have known for years.

" at designing a poster for compulsory euthanasia for the over 70's". Don't do that I've only got a few years left and I'm not ready.

Sorry, Goblin, I should have said many or some, especially the less high functioning.

Am liv

Am loving the mix of scientists and shepherd, though. I can see a load of lab-coated guys being herded into pens now!!!!!

Have you ever tried herding Aspies? Trickier than herding cats.
You'd have to put an object of interest in the pen instead.
But yes, the difference between HFA and the more classic 'Kanner's autism' makes a difference, like having different comorbids.
But so much more is possible if you think outside the usual social parameters.

Goblin, they would ask so many damn questions on the way to the pen, the sheepdog would give up, for lack of answers.

Ugh. My most loathed phrase ever is 'what he needs is...' Or 'what you want is...'

About any subject at all. It's usually dispensed by someone who had poked their nose in where not invited and then dispenses crap random advice about a subject on which they have no experience or expertise. Despite the fact that their advice was not solicited by you. And it's usually some bonkers shite.

Like: I've had hyperemesis in both pregnancies. "What you need is a finger biscuit". We had some trouble with DS not sleeping well at about six months. Friends dw commenter on my yawning. Then declared "what you want is to cry it out". No thanks. What I want is some sleep and you to shut up.

I don't have ASD dc's myself but I'm a teacher and have taught all range of asd students over the last few years. All, like all the other students I teach, individuals. I'm always shocked at the number of teachers who disagree with dx's or dismiss it, or clump all asd students together. One actually said once about a student: she can't be hf aspergers. She looked me in the eye yesterday.

Your neighbour sounds like an old badger. If your son wasn't SN, but just clumsy or noisy or quiet or bookish or disobedient or just about any other character trait you can name, I bet he'd still have a parenting opinion for you along the lines of what he needs is a kick up the backside. It must just seem like you get it all the time because everyone has an opinion on autism. I'd take to telling him creative lies for my own amusement.

En: where's your DC's?
Me: Locked in the cupboard

Typo. Ginger biscuit. 2yo met iPhone screen a week ago so proof reading through the shatter pattern is proving tricky... :)