Thought I'd add one to all the bus threads on here... Was IBU?

[Enfyshedd]

This all happened a while ago, but the bus threads have reminded me about it...

Some months ago, I had a day out with DD (then about 7 months) before before I went back to work, and got the bus to go to the big city. On the way home, I was a bit late getting to the bus station so there was quite a big queue in front of me (I'm used to the train for going to work, but the buses are cheaper if you don't have a season/friends & family ticket - problem is that I forget the bus times).

Now, our local buses have 2 spaces where you can leave a pram unfolded or park a wheelchair, and one of these spaces is better than the other because it's the dedicated wheelchair space so has a bar to stop the pram/wheel chair from moving out into the aisle (other side is just folding seats).

When I got on, there was an older couple sitting in the seats facing the wheelchair space so I had to park the (big travel system) pram on the other side next to the folding seats. It was the first time I'd had to sit that side and I realised that I couldn't lock the brake on both sides of the pram because of a barrier between the seat I was in and the folding seat section, so I was going to have to hold onto the pram all the way home to make sure it didn't swing out into the aisle. Also, it was one of the first times DD was forward facing in her pram (car seat part which allowed rear facing was in the car), so I was also concerned about DD spending about 30 mins with me out of sight because I was behind her (yes, she's my PFB).

There's only 1 stop after the bus station before the bus gets on the dual carriageway, so when the bus pulled out of the bus station and I realised I was going to have to sit on the edge of my seat clinging to the pram all the way home, I turned to the older couple and said "Excuse me, would it be possible to swap seats when the bus stops so I can put the pram safe in there (pointing to wheelchair space with bar which helps keep pram/wheelchair from rolling into the aisle)". The lady turned to me and replied quite shortly "No! He's had a operation on his back", turned back and spent the next 5 minutes muttering to her husband about me being rude & cheeky for asking to change seats.

Now, WIBU to ask to put a pram that I had no option to fold down (because of shopping underneath and not possible to do one handed while holding a wriggly 7mo DD) and which was keeping my DD safely secured into a space where I could be sure she would be safer? If it was a question of leg room, both pairs of seats had the same amount of extra leg room.

i dont see the problem, you had a space for the buggy. all you had to do was hold the handle......

YANBU to ask but she WNBU to say no.

I don't understand why you couldn't lock the brake on both sides. Do you mean you just couldn't reach it on one side?

YABU

I have been in similar situations and just stood with the pram.

You're really overthinking this. No, it wasn't rude for you to ask- you had no way of knowing that it was difficult for the couple to move. They weren't BU to stay put, they were BU to mutter about you.

YABU because needing to hold the handle ofa pram is hardly a big deal. If you didn't like it, you could have put your child on your lap.

YABUto think that you have any entitlement to a space. If a wheelchair user got on, you'd have to fold.

YABU to still be stewing about this several months later.

If you use public transport I'm afraid u need to get used to it. Some people have no manners and are happy to sit and watch you struggle and refuse to budge even thiugh theres other seats snd theres mothing wrong with them.Other people r just as entitled to that seat as you are and they were there first.

The only thing you can do is make sure that you follow the unwritten buggy bay rules and you do the right thing when u get the seat.

I get the bus all the time and there are no bats to look buggy in place. I usually hold buggy with one hand as 12wo DS is in it and occupy active wriggly toddler with other hand. It's really not hard and just one of those things you get on with. YABU to expect them to move just because you don't want to hold onto the pram!

Were the older couple elderly or just older than you and were the seats they were sitting on rigid or fold up.

If they were elderly and sitting on the rigid seats you were being totally unreasonable to expect them to move onto fold up seats, an elderly person with a back problem would not really be able to put all their body weight onto the seat to make it go down and stand up quickly enough to not get caught the the seat when it goes back up.

If they were on rigid seats were these seats allocated for the handicapped and elderly, if so you were being totally UR.

Bars not bats ... Obv a troop of helpful bats to hold the buggy in place would be very handy, alas I don't think they're within public transport healthy and safety regs!

Also just wait until you get on and there are elderly people in all of those priority seats. I would never ask them to move and spent a 40min journey last week doing a sideways Mexican wave type manoeuvre trying to keep hold of toddler DD who wasn't able to balance standing on the bus and was hurtling back and forth as the bus moved yelling "hep me muuuum!". It was like trying to catch a marble on a roundabout .... Hellish!

Luckily I have a evil sense of humour and ended up giggling hysterically and trying to make DD see the funny side. Didn't work and I got lots of catsbum faces from other passengers. evil mummy!

It's the ones who watch u put down shopping get toddler out, hold onto toddlers hood just to stop them running off whilst silmultaneously collapsing buggy and then go "oh would u like to sit here?" That annoy me :o

I actually had to intervene the other day when a couple of foul mouthed chav types mums with two HUGE buggies got on my bus and proceeded to shout at an elderly couple who refused to leave their priority seats.

They got told in no uncertain terms that unless other people were prepared to give up their seats so the couple could move, bus was heaving, I was standing and most of the other passengers who were seated were elderly ( first bus they can use with their passes) this couple
were not going any where.

Bus driver backed me up I am glad to say. But I did learn a few more swear words. I have never been called a 'c' before in a public place.

Chav mums left the bus still swearing

Yanbu to ask...and they were bu to react so negatively....BUT I'm afraid spending the journey hanging onto your pram, is par for the course on public transport. I've done it for years through three kids, and thems the breaks. Your buggy was in, and you had a seat so as far as I'm concerned it was a success.
The fact that your baby had to (gasp of horror) face away from you fro half an hour is not a consideration. That is VERY pfb!!

They were a pair of old scrotes...but you are sounding very precious too!

To clarify a few things:

I'm not still stewing about it, I just remembered about it today because of reading other bus related threads. I did at the time think the lady was very rude though. The look on the face of the lady sat behind them seemed to indicate that I wasn't BU (think she could hear the muttering as well).

Couple appeared to be in their 60s. Both myself and the couple were in rigid seats - I asked to swap for ther same type of seat, just with a different set up in front of them.

I had to park the pram next to the fold down seats - I couldn't sit in them myself because of the pram taking up the space - I was in the normal seat. I couldn't reach the brake on the far side because of the screen between the seats I was in and the fold down seats on the side. Also due to the screen and the extra leg room, I was having to sit right on the edge of the seat to hold onto the pram - not my ideal situation for travelling at 60mph down a dual carriageway.

While we're here it is worth mentioning that those big overblown lunky travel systems were not designed for buses. Get a stroller!

I would however advise that you invest in a Maclaren or other small lightweight one hand fold buggy. It makes life so much easier when you can wedge your buggy in small spaces and of course move quickly when someone needs the seat and you have to collapse.

The description you've given sounds like my local buses, so I'm assuming that the people you asked were sitting sideways, which can't be comfortable for a person who's had a back operation (I struggled with the sideways seats in the bay for months after my CS.

You were reasonable to ask- it is safer when the pram can't swing to the side. All you were asking for was a swap of seats and not a total sacrifice.

I got on the bus at a minor stop recently and the bus driver was very hasty pulling off before I even got to the bay, so I didn't get chance to turn it (while also supervising a free-range two year old) this meant the brakes were useless as they were the wrong end to stop the pram sliding, so clinging on to DS on my lap and butressing a heavy pram at the same time. My stop is just after a bend, and because I was struggling with control of the pram, DS1 got up too soon, lost balance on the bend and faceplanted the floor with his legs flipping behind him with the force. If I'd had the chance to arrange the pram safely in the first place, the chances of DS falling and bruising his face would have been reduced as I could have helped him much more.

Your pram was wrong - not the bus. I wonder at people lugging those tanks onto the bus, struggling to fit them in. If you're going to get in the way with your travel system just so pfb can gaze adoringly at mummy throughout, then expect eyes rolled in your direction.
Strollers are where it's at. Travel systems are for Chelsea tractors.

Yanbu - if the woman had manners she would have moved while leavin her husband where he was. If not she should have said nicely 'sorry we can't do that as my husband has a bad back and finds movin difficult' some people are just nasty.

YANBU for asking politely, TANBU for refusing, TABU for calling you rude and YABU for having a travel system on public transport.

I think ywbu taking a travel system on the bus. They are too big and take up so much space. On our buses (sounds the same layout to yours) one travel system with the parent sitting in the folding chair takes up the space that two pushchairs could have had with parents standing. And the couple weren't rude at all. With an operation, the side to side swaying and the muscles it uses could hurt him more than the back and forth swaying of the seat they were in. It sounds like you created a lot of problems for yourself too. I'm sure by now you've learned the buggy shuffle (brakes on, shuffle the pram into place) so you made it a bit harder for yourself by not working out how to do that.

domino why was the woman 'nasty'? She had every right to be where she was.

OP you sound precious.

Mothers with buggies are subject to a lot of contempt by passengers and drivers alike. I seem to remember older women being the most sour faced, as in their day there were no buggy spaces at all...and they just had to fold up. Some of them hate how easy we have it in comparison. They think 'I had a tough time, and so should you' - so you do get a fair amount of negativity surrounding your buggy on the bus. Tutting, head shaking, dirty looks, being talked about...and even out and out rudeness...I have experienced them all!

However...taking a bloody travel system on the bus is almost asking for bother. Cumbersome and showy, they belong in the boot of your people carrier, not squeezed onto the bus.
I cannot stress this enough - get a stroller!!!!