AIBU to feel like telling my CEO to go and.....basically unpleasant.

[HoveringKestrel]

So I've worked at my current work for 6 and half years. (I'm a gay guy and work is ssometimes a Boys Club kind of atmosphere but I get on with everyone).

Anyway, today I got called in randomly, as he looks very randomly at cases, and got told if I want to progress then I need to 'grab the bull by it's horns'. He then proceeded to ask if he had upset me as if I was a flower he had just poured salt on.

I had been dealing with this case and the person I was corresponding with is friends with CEO (same Religion), and apparantly I should have pressed for more information....e.g. Demanded it. Now it's certainly not in my remit to give this guy a hard time, if anyone it is my Manager's to demand better performances ffrom them. But in any case we're lucky if this correspondence talks to cannnon fodder like me!?! (nobody says that but its kind of an unsaid thing)

He's older (CEO), probably three times my age, fine, there is certainly a generation gap for some when it comes to talking to a homosexual, but I'm not delicate or dainty nor do I pretend to be.

Now I know I'm the best one on my team, I'm the most resourceful and most knowledgable but I take a step back rather than light a catherine wheel everytime I do something correctly.

I felt like SCREAMING. But in retrospect I'm not ssure if he's secretly routing ffor me and just went about it wrong? I can't talk to people at work because when I told people about 'the chat', they decided to hear "grab bull by its balls" and it went back to me being gay and into the boys club again. I would really appreciate 3rd party opinions.

That's because you started it.

[TheFallenNinja] I'm also sorry so taking a swipe at you. I KNOW I've over thought this and got myself in a silly mess. I know at the end off the day you are talkng sense.

Six hours bitching on a parenting website about actually, God alone knows what. Go to bed. You are overwrought.

prissyenglisharriviste I apologise for what I said to you. But I think I have probably presented myself wrong on here compared to how I actually am. Thats not your fault, its mine.

I really do like this website and don't mean to sound unlikeable, Im just not a very good storyteller and can only focus on what is winding me up rather than the bigger picture.

I'm sorry.

Wow. Boss comes out with a cliche and it's because you're gay? Your posts on this thread suggest you're not nearly as nice as you think you are, btw, you might want to ponder that for a while.

I suspect he spoke to you about this case because the client was his friend, and he was paying more attention to it as a result, you should have made doubly certain that every single T was crossed and every single I was dotted if the CEO was connected to the case - CEOs tend to pay attention to work that affects their friends. He was justified in pulling you up if he didn't think you'd worked properly on a case he had a connection to, frankly.

It looks like you might have over-reacted in the office when he made his points to you, much as you seem to be over-reacting here when other people's perception of you doesn't chime with your own image of yourself.

No, you don't get to do that. Say rude patronising rubbish and then retract it. That is a very old tactic of getting your swipe in and then avoid a backlash. It's old.

Like I said. This is the fight you wanted and your actions expertly demonstrates how poorly you take criticism. So, it may well seem that your CEO has you pegged. Professionally, take it on the chin, improve and move on. Sulking will get you nowhere.

MalcolmTuckersMum I know what it was about, I know I started it, and I know I probably was being unreasonable on the CEO. But there are a lot of things which have happened, which I've mentioned, which aren't nothing. If you don't agree then thats fine but you don't need to tell me to go to bed.

LittleMissFuckedOff I see where you're coming from. But correspondence charges by the email, I tried to do as best as I could assuming a friend of CEO would prove good.

TheFallenNinja I've apologised. Whether you accept it is up to you, but I meant it, I've had my little tantrum and I've calmed down, Tell mee you've never donee the same?

Well OP it's your drama. You star in it. For me this is NOT an edifying way to spend the early part of a lovely new day. And I still think you should go to bed.

Noted - thanks

:)
I agree, sleep on it, they were only trying to help and you spat the dummy.
Take the incident at it's face value, you were told to 'pull your socks up'. Now, it is irrelevant how the CEO chooses to act with the rest of the team and maybe he did pulled the others as well, just not publicly, none of your beef. Don't overthink it. Go to the guy and tell him you got the point, you'll be watching intently to see how he does it next time and put the matter to bed.

I was pulled because, like you, I didn't 'grab the bull by the horns' and spent a great deal of time thinking how I could be more forward (I am anything but shy and I don't lack assertiveness), I am absolutely fenomenally rubbish at being diplomatic and I was only weary of coming across as abrupt, so I was becoming sort of complacent, just shrugging stuff off. Took on board what was said to me and took no prisoners, thinking: fine, I was asked to, I'll try. I wasn't confrontational, just wouldn't let it go.
I knew I was just doing my boss's job, it was not within my remit, once the boat started rocking it was sudddenly my fault, for which I was prepared, I had an exit strategy lined up.

It's not easy. Just imagine it like a game of chess.

Dilidali Thank You. I appreciate that.

Thats the kind of thing I've been waiting to hear. I wasn't trying to make it about me being gay, that was a sidetrack chat and I was concious, because theres nothing to compare it to, it might BE because of that. But you've basically just summed it all up.

I've come accross so badly in this thread, I know that, because it seemed like even I was missing the point.

I've even apologised but apparantly it's not that easy.

But I am sorry. It's been on my mind ALL day so I may have just vomited all over this thread. .

You welcome.
Look up 'what motivates people' and read as much as you can on it. There lay the 'horns' you're meant to be grabbing.

Well, that was edifying, kes.

You've shown yourself in a great light, here. I think ninja hit the mark.

Fwiw, that whole 'fuck off' 'patronizing' and 'whoever sold you a keyboard dear' shite was well below the belt and you should be thoroughly embarassed.

Although I am still lolling about you having the temerity to pull a 'dear' after the patronising comment. That'll keep me going for hours.

Your apology is noted. I'm not too bothered either way, as in your situation I would be examining how I behaved and wondering what made me behave so appallingly. It's no skin off my nose - not my career. You are the one that needs to think on your reaction and learn how to deal with criticism.

Your boss gave you some constructive criticism.

You can take it or leave it.

The end.

I think if you ever behave in the workplace the way you've behaved in this thread, you fully deserve a bit of constructive criticism. Take it on the chin like a big boy.

Think you may have missed my earlier post op during the...well whatever you want to call it.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning Sat 08-Jun-13 06:48:12
Could it be he has higher expectations of you, he sees more in you than the others? He also got some feedback from someone he knows and possibly trysts who could well have said you could have done more?

You've been given constructive criticism

You're imbuing it with negative connotations based on your sexuality

I think it's most probably all in your head (did he call you a delicate flower or is that your phrase?)

I think you should, in the nicest possible way, get over yourself - he said to progress (ie promotion pending) you should be more assertive and not worry that client is a mate of CEO. He is giving you the authority to do your job more effectively