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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these so called 'people in need' are taking the piss??

128 replies

HenriettaPye · 07/06/2013 16:16

I'm on a group in Facebook which helps each other out with giving away things you no longer need, which others might. I've gave away some of my old baby things to people who have genuinely needed them. However there are some people taking the total piss on it! Just been on a wee look and today alone someone has posted
'anyone giving away an iPod? Not the shuffle one, I want one with a screen'
And-
'Anyone a laptop they don't want anymore?

AIBU to think this is not asking for help, but fully taking advantage?

One did make me laugh though- someone wrote 'anyone giving away any size 5 sandals? I only have boots and its too warm to wear them in this weather.' And someone replied 'go to primark and buy a pair of £1 flip flops!!

OP posts:
Dizzydragon · 07/06/2013 23:19

I think there are a few issues here. First is that Freegle (and the USA network Freecycle) were founded to help pass on usable stuff from one person to the next, for free, mainly to keep usable stuff out of landfill. All that is required is for the recipient to want it. Other sites may be specifically for helping those in need, and for those, I agree, need IS relevant. However, Freegle does help those struggling financially. I live 10 miles from the nearest shoeshop, so was delighted with a pair of wellies offered locally, as was the person I gave my redundant steel toecap shoes to.
I like seeing reasonable wanted posts - it means I can get rid of stuff I haven't bothered listing on my local Freegle - yesterday I gave away a set of 3 cordless house phones - I'd bought a new set of 4, so was pleased to rehome them when I saw a request. Anyone who asks for new, expensive stuff just makes a bad name for themselves, so I think it's better to let them broadcast their greed, so we can take note of it, and never give them anything!
I think laptops and computers are fine to ask for - people give them and get them quite often on my local group. Nobody is forced to give away anything! If you use Freegle Direct you can filter out all the wanted messages, anyway!
As for needing to get online to look for a job - well, around here it would cost some people more to travel to the local library once a week than it would cost to have internet for a month! People do need computers these days, and what sort of person would begrudge giving one away, when all it is doing is gathering dust once a new one has been bought?

superbadspeller · 07/06/2013 23:23

Fwiw, i use the internet on my phone for almost everything when our wifi is down - i wonder are the sites needed for UC mobile friendly as that would be a major ease on the needs/wants as most tarrifs include some sort of mobile data allowance these days. I'm sure opera mini gives the option of desktop sites long time since i used it mind

ilovesooty · 07/06/2013 23:31

Most of my clients have basic call/text PAYG phones, and struggle to afford the credit top ups on those.

snooter · 07/06/2013 23:32

The local Freecycle amuses me when people blatantly ask for Caravans, Cars, Kitchen Units & so on. I have passed on a bicycle, a sand pit & a blender to the folk who seemed most deserving - or who had the most convincing emails I suppose. Hoping to get rid of a huge climbing frame soon, but I think I'll use Gumtree - prefer it

tiktok · 07/06/2013 23:34

Blimey, I don't give a monkeys if the stuff I have given away on freecycle is then ebayed or sold on....why should I care? If they make a couple of quid, they have had the work of sourcing the goods (my stuff), advertising it, posting it out etc etc.....if you start assessing people's motives and sorting out the 'deserving' from the 'undeserving' you're just being judgmental.

The point of freecycle is green/eco - it stops stuff going into landfill. It's not a service for anyone, really.

IneedAsockamnesty · 07/06/2013 23:47

Snooter, I given a entire kitchen away. I was getting a new one fitted a house I own the old was was in good condition so seamed a shame to throw it.

The person who got it was delighted they collected it so saved me a job.

superbadspeller · 08/06/2013 00:01

You're right enough sooty, i remember when finding a fiver to top up virgin/orange (only ones who did/do £5 top ups) meant it came out the shopping money.

JakeBullet · 08/06/2013 00:17

If someone asks, and someone else has the item to give then that's all there is to it.

If I saw "laptop" then it might be needed by a student, a job seeker who is studying etc.

If I say "need a 3D TV" then indeed I might think "cheeky bugger" but if someone wants to give one then it's not my business.

PigletJohn · 08/06/2013 00:28

I've been tricked by blatant resellers in the past, so I now keep an eye on replies - the people who ask for everything shortly after you've posted, and who never appear in the "offered" section I ignore.

with clothes and hats, I ask for the person who will wear it to come and try it on. if it doesn't fit, they don't get it.

I prefer to help out someone who needs the thing, not to help the profits of a trader taking advantage of goodwill.

mignonette · 08/06/2013 00:42

It is impossible to meet JSA job seeking requirements without access to the internet and a laptop. Nearly all jobs seem to demand on line submission of CV's and subsequent completion of application. The Job centre supplies job details that more often than not only have a web address and no IRL contact details. and library internet services with their 30 minute sessions are not reliable enough.

Give with an open heart or do not give.

MidniteScribbler · 08/06/2013 01:36

I stopped using freecycle after I got abused by someone because I wouldn't give them everything I posted (was cleaning out my dad's house and listed about twenty items and intended to share it out among people. Turns out they wanted to sell it all. That just didn't sit right with me. I now donate everything to a local women's refuge.

I did have a laugh at the wanted ad I saw wanting an iPhone 5. "Because i don want anything old". This was about two days after they had gone on sale.

MatersMate · 08/06/2013 03:32

feel really sorry for the lady asking for sandals too :(

I don't get the issue with someone asking....... they're not putting a gun to anyone's head, give or don't give, but unless you ask you won't get.

Think maybe you should just give to charity shops OP, and save yourself the stress of trying to decide the 'needy' from the 'greedy'

Lazyjaney · 08/06/2013 07:23

"YABVVVVU to post this on here when it specifically requests you not to judge!"

AIBU not for judging??

Oh dear.....

Anyway, I think quite a few posters here seem to miss the point that the whole ethos of these systems is that of a sharing economy, not a "get it free to sell on" economy. People don't like to see their trust abused, so they will no longer participate - which is probably not the desired outcome these sites want.

Balaboosta · 08/06/2013 08:21

I don't like the tone of this OP. You sound as if you hold others in contempt. I am always wary of attempts to distinguish between the deserving and the feckless. Very Victorian and the huge problem at the heart of the welfare state. The tone of the Facebook page is horrid. If you want money for your old stuff, make the effort to eBay it or do a boot sale but IME Its hard work, you get ripped off and make not much money. If you want to know its going to what you judge to be a "good home" give it to friends and family. Poor people need computers and stuff too. I support a brilliant charity that has sent IT equipment to under privileged communitues in Ghana.

Balaboosta · 08/06/2013 08:24

I don't get this thing about traders. Aren't they needy too? I can't imagine anyone who's rolling in it trying to make a living selling off old clothes. It's hardly Bill Gates.

MidniteScribbler · 08/06/2013 08:38

Balaboosta, for me it is about the deceit. I gave a little desk that my father had restored for me to a lady who wrote a long story about a deceased husband, a daughter with a disability and how she just wanted to make a special room for her. Two days later it was advertised on a buy, swap, sell site, and it turns out this woman had done it to many. Now, if someone was open about wanting to sell, I wouldn't necessarily write them off, but they should be honest about it. I destest dishonesty.

ClartyCarol · 08/06/2013 08:39

OP yaNbu.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 08/06/2013 09:26

Quite Balaboosta - I give away stuff on Freecycle or to a charity shop because it's easier and quick than trying to make a couple of quid on EBay (less fees, commission, postage) and you don't get into seller obligations.

I don't mind if people sell stuff on because I've made the decision to give it away and keep it out of landfill. I try to give away to the politest or most genuine person if more than one person responds but otherwise I don't judge.

tiktok · 08/06/2013 09:44

I give mine away to the person who responds quickest and can agree to collect the quickest - I ignore any reasons why they might want the items! They could be making it up, anyway.

tiktok · 08/06/2013 09:45

Charity shop items can be ebayed or otherwise sold on - doesn't matter.

pigletmania · 08/06/2013 10:05

You don't have to give anything to them

ParadiseChick · 08/06/2013 10:31

I cannot abide users on freecycle making people practically beg for their car offs. You want rid, get rid, don't assume you're in a position to assess need.

And why not ask? I'm often replying to wanted adverts as it reminds me I do have something lying about. I'll never get round to losing things on eBay, I'm too lazy. And guess what? I have an iPod, with a screen, lying on my kitchen drawer, not been used for at least a year. Why wouldn't I pass it on? It wouldn't occur to me to offer it, but if someone asked for it I'd think of mine gathering dust and pass it on.

garlicgrump · 08/06/2013 10:58

Paradise, can I have it please?
I'll pay the postage!

Serious ask, btw, I've never had an iPod Grin

ilovesooty · 08/06/2013 13:37

I don't like the tone of this OP. You sound as if you hold others in contempt. I am always wary of attempts to distinguish between the deserving and the feckless. Very Victorian and the huge problem at the heart of the welfare state. The tone of the Facebook page is horrid. If you want money for your old stuff, make the effort to eBay it or do a boot sale but IME Its hard work, you get ripped off and make not much money. If you want to know its going to what you judge to be a "good home" give it to friends and family. Poor people need computers and stuff too

Agreed. I'm not the only one to disagree with the OP, but I'm apparently the only one who's been "incredibly rude" to her. Not that she's really responded to anyone else either, apart from reiterating her own POV.

I support a brilliant charity that has sent IT equipment to under privileged communitues in Ghana

I expect the OP thinks that the underprivileged in third world countries don't need technology either. Oh, and perhaps she also thinks it's amusing if they don't have shoes.

WireCat · 08/06/2013 14:27

ilovesooty the op has taken against you! Ha ha! Wink You meanie, fancy having a different opinion.

We had a problem with our Internet connection last year. Trooped kids to the library to do their homework. Lady looked at me amazed. I needed to book the computers. They weren't being used & weren't booked. All the same, wasn't allowed to used them.

I am on a local giving/selling/buying group. So e of the requests are funny. BUT, if you don't ask, you don't get. Most of the blatant grabby requests are ignored. I have loads of stuff to get rid if (moving) & I cba with eBay. Would rather give it away.

Op, you have an opinion & you're perfectly entitled to it. It is your sneeryness that isn't nice.