To be totally stressing out about taking 19 month old to a wedding

[Mondayschild78]

I probably am BU but I am feeling increasingly nervous about taking my active toddler DS to a friend's wedding on Saturday. It will be the first one we've taken him to.

Will I spend most of my time outside the church with him? Missing the speeches? How do I keep him entertained? I'm probably feeling more anxious than I normally would as I'm 16 weeks pregnant too.

Does anyone have any good survival tips for the day?

Totally understandable. When DS1 was 6 months old we had to take him to a wedding and I had all the same concerns.
Who are you going with?

Sit somewhere near a door so you can whisk him out if he starts being too "active" and is distracting people from the main event.

Buy some new small (quiet) toys that will fit in a bag and produce them one at a time.

Being prepared is half the battle, he'll probably be a little angel.

We took DS at 19 months. I thought he would be fine because he was such a happy little thing, but I will be honest with you, I did spend the ceremony in the hotel foyer.

I took snacks and quiet toys for the ceremony but DS found it so exciting he just squealed with delight when they started walking in and I couldn't bear the noise of it so I decided to leave. The people getting married don't know us very well, which made it worse for me.

At the reception we didnt eat until 8.30 (DS bedtime is 7) the speeches didnt start until 9.30 (at which point poor DS decided it was all just too much and screamed blue murder, so we left). I wanted to leave at 7 but MIL insisted we stay.

Next time I'd definitely get a child under 3 looked after for the day. But there was a lot of hanging around involved on the day which made it all so much harder for a little one to deal with.

Take little snacks, quiet toys and hope for the best is all I can say

magic bag of quiet toys & treats
snacks & a little picnic blanket - i used an old baby blanket & my dc loved having a mini picnic
let him run loads outside so he will be tired
bubbles
buggy for naps
stick to his routine as much as you can to avoid tantrums

Is DS's father going also?
We work on whoever is closest to the Bride and Groom stays through the service etc, and if the kids need to go out, the other parent take the kids out.

If he does kick off, please take him out of the service / speeches etc. I've seen a bride in tears on her wedding day because a baby was screaming through the vows, and the parents didn't take the child out of the church.

Mine have usually been very good, and enjoyed weddings - DS1 wants to go to another wedding (he's 4)

Our own daughter was 18 months when we got married. The church we got married in had a small play area for children which she used and was fine ( she had her babysitter with her) it was in the main church so parents didn't have to leave services, every church I know has some sort of area for young children. Our daughter was fine sleeping in her pram during the day and was happy to sit in her high chair for the meal and speeches but I had arranged that if any issues she was to be taken home it wasn't needed though.

Play it by ear, take snacks and quiet toys, maybe try a new puzzle just don't forget to relax and enjoy yourself.

Depends on the wedding. DS at a big family wedding, with other kids, people who had had kids, and and generally a friendly atmosphere was great - stayed for ceremony, speeches, and if there was the occasional exclamation from him it caused smiles and laughs. High chairs for dinner, place for him to play with the other kids, he loved the disco later - was relaxed and awesome.

DS at a colleagues wedding, full of people with no kids (and a couple of couples in the same boat as us) - not much fun at all. DS was being quiet, but a whispered question about sweeties got us asked to leave the hall so I missed the marriage, the speeches etc. At lunch there was no-where for him to sit, or play without being in someones way (despite it being a bigger venue) and everyone was looking daggers at us if we were there, or ignoring us if we took him out of the way. Horrible, and we left very early.

That was what we did next. DH sat in the bar with DS1 during the ceremony and took him out during the speeches just in case. I got to see everything i wanted to see, and DB and DSIL didn't have their wedding disrupted.

Well... It won't be like a pre-kids wedding, so best thing I think is to get used to that idea! Depending on how it goes, you may miss some of the ceremony/speeches ... But otoh you'll have fun wandering round a posh house/garden looking gorgeous , and your ds will get to be admired by lots of people, & there may be some kids his own age or older to entertain him.

I'd prepare as I do for flights. Bag with mix of interesting new, & loved old things - snacks & toys, maybe even wrapped up to slow him down a bit. Obv as many as possible to be quiet, but remember the meal will go on for ages, and low level noise is ok then.
Make the most of your surroundings: any outside time & run him like crazy in those times (assuming he's walking); look for stuff that may entertain him at the venue (eg mine will play for hours with a pile of clean straws or cocktail swizzle sticks - just ask the barman!)

I took dcs to lots of wedding round that age. I can remember a sense of missing out on drinking/adult time but also have lots of lovely memories of haring round posh gardens looking for bunnies & watching dd charm elderly uncles! Hope you have fun!

We hardly ever gave our children sugar of junk, but if I needed them quiet, I would sometimes give them a lolly. It lasts for ages, is silent, is fascinating and doesn't make a mess.

Oh, & agree with everyone that if in doubt, take him out - you do just have to be prepared to miss stuff so that the couples day is not compromised by baby noise!

We went to a family wedding a couple of months ago when dd was the same age as your DS. I thought she would be fine as we go to church each week (was a church wedding) and she is generally good there. But the ceremony was across lunch/nap time and she was either whinging or commentating loudly on what she could see. I spent most of the ceremony in a side room (thankfully one with a big soundproof window and all the sound from the service coming through on speakers) giving dd her lunch and keeping her entertained.

Then she fell asleep in the car en route from church to reception so I sat in the car with her and missed all the drinks/canapés chatting bit. (and she missed the only opportunity all day to run around a garden) She woke up just in time for us to be called in to the meal so she had to sit still there as well. Fortunately there was a childrens menu and she was reasonably ok during that. Speeches were more interesting as the brides father went on and on for ages. I did manage to stay in the room and keep her entertained with small toys.
By the time that was all over it was after 8 and she was drooping with tiredness again and really doesn't do noisy places so I took her back to the hotel once the disco got started.

Sorry that's not very encouraging.the things I found did help were not fighting her routine too much. She just got more and more annoyed that tie was (for eg) lunch time and there was no food, that it was sleep time and sleep wasnt an option.
I took along snacks and an entire packed meal to make sure there was always food to pacify her with (not that it works as I'm usually strict about meal and snack times and no food in between so I think I just confused her more). I also bought a selection of new toys (only pound shop novelties) so that she had lots of new and interesting things to play with. Have heard people recommend getting a cbeebies magazine with toy or similar for this sort of situation.

I hope you do manage to have a good day. I must admit I ended up feeling completely left out (it was dh's cousin getting married so I said I would manage dd for the day - also was 8m pg at the time. Sorry I haven't got a more encouraging story to share!

Yes that's why I left the ceremony because DH was the one most connected (although still tenuously!) to the couple.

We didnt have children at our wedding all those years ago, and I know how I felt about babies screaming through vows. That's why I took DS out at the first squeak of excitement

I took ds to a big wedding at that age, on my own as it was overseas and dh had to work. It was not fun. The bride had specified fancy frocks as the dress code. As I was still bf it was hard to find anything to wear. I stupidly got boxed in my seat for the ceremony, and couldn't get out when he got bored and shouting. Luckily I was able to nurse him to keep him quiet. The registrar walked backwards into one of the massive flower arrangements, knocked it over and caused such a racket that all baby noises were outclassed! The pre dinner drinks passed in a blur as ds discovered the staircase btw the bar and the ladies toilets, so I spent 90,% of the time holding his hands as he tottered up and down them. I did get to catch up with many old friends, but only when they went to the loo! Also spent time outside on the courtyard with the parents of the only other child that had been allowed to come. Dinner was okay - they had provided a child meal with a gift bag , but it all took so long as the speeches were interspersed btw courses. So ds was ready for ice cream while everyone else was just getting their main courses. I threw in the towel at 7.30 and called my PIL pick us up. I think I managed to speak to the bride for maybe 5 minutes. The whole trip cost a fortune, and although it was great to see one of my oldest friends get hitched, I wouldn't do it again. Tag-teaming with a partner or leaving them at home is the way to go IMHO.

yes, the bag of new toys really helped with dd. sil was really helpful too taking dd out for walks.

Thank you all for the responses. It's good to hear your experiences and tips and is definitely helping to give me some insight and manage my expectations of the day.

DH is going to be there but the couple getting married are really his friends, I have only met them a handful of times. We will know two other couples there who do not have or want children. There may be other children there, I'm not sure. Given that they are mostly DH's friends I had already resigned myself to being the one to look after DS.

We had originally hoped MIL would look after DS but she is on holiday and the wedding is a 4 hour drive away so too big an ask for friends and my DM isn't really the babysitting type unfortunately.

On my lunch break at work today I shall be buying new toys and a cbeebies magazine! I hope it has an 'In the night garden' theme

My dd1 was 2 when I married her father (it was a pre-requisite of her having his name that I also have his name by the time she started pre-school). She was our bridesmaid. She followed me beautifully down the aisle with the other bridesmaids and as soon as we stopped walking she veered off to the churches kiddy corner! She was as good as gold the whole day as I knew she would be as she had been bridesmaid for my mother at 16 months.

However, ds1 was a Paige boy for his godfather when he was 4. He wouldn't play ball at the ceremony, wouldn't be in the photos but cheered up at the reception!

Agree with the others that preparation is key.....a bag of silent toys, quiet sweets (I second the lolly!), and a knowledge that you probably will end up missing some if not all of the actual wedding.

But chin up, it might be absolutely fine and he behaves beautifully. If not and you have to take him out then you get to spend the day with your ds doing something nice away from the housework . Good luck, hope you have a lovely day x

interesting timing - am taking my 2.5yo to a wedding today, and not relishing the prospect. i would have preferred to leave both DC with MIL, but the bride and groom are quite insistent that they should come.

i have packed a bag with snacks (don't normally do food as a pacifier but needs must), sticker magazine, crayons and some other small, quiet toys. We're going to had over to the venue really early and find a park, so the DC burn off some excess energy immediately before the ceremony (we'll change them in the car).

we're also taking the buggy to wheel her around the grounds for some down time if need be.

You can get a whole ITNG magazine, usually with a toy and loads of stickers. Tesco and waitrose definitely sell them, as do most newsagents I expect.

Simple puzzles started to keep DS very occupied at that age (just 2/3 pieces). They're great to do at the table while waiting for food.

Good luck!

We took my 20 month old recently and during the ceremony I put her in the sling and paced around at the back of the church with her! I did have to leave once as she hiccuped really loudly and it sounded like she did the worlds biggest belch! Everyone turned round!!!! I had to leave because I was laughing rather hysterically! Moral of the story? If you want a peaceful undisturbed wedding then don't bother inviting kids! :)

Not a good age for behaving nicely in church I'm afraid.

Sit right at the back near the door, preferably near some open floor space where s/he can play if needed. Most churches have creches wired up for sound so if desperate you could take DC out and still hear the ceremony.

Take their shoes off - very important tip - so if they run it's quieter.

Snacks, snacks and more snacks (but not chocolate or anything else messy). Cheerios, raisins, mandarins, anything else fiddly and small that will keep them occupied.

Quiet toys - crayons, colouring books; small teddies and flannels to make beds; jigsaws; small soft balls. Don't worry if they spend the service toddling up the back - noone but you will notice.

Ha ha fluff

All your kind words and helpful tips are definitely helping alleviate my anxiety so thank you very much.

Fred thanks for the note about the ITNG magazine, I shall definitely try and find that one. Sticker book also a very good idea.

I took ds to a wedding last month and he was around 20 months at the time. It was all fine. People who invite children along generally expect them to behave like children and there are usually other children there.

In the church ds played with the box of toys at the back (ime most Anglican churches provide books/toys/crayons for children) and the odd well timed snack kept him quiet. There were 7 or 8 similarly aged children there and 2 were taken out at various points but otherwise, they pottered, did jigsaws and tried to join in with the hymns.

DS fell asleep right through the meal which in a way was a blessing as he woke up refreshed and ate the food set aside for him and then the rest of the day he loved. There were balloons and children to play with and music and a buffet and dancing and people to smile at.

Try and be a bit positive about it. If you're anxious and worrying about how he will behave, he'll pick up on that. Approach it from the pov that a wedding is always lovely and how can you help him have a good day and get the most out of it?

Do you know the schedule in advance? Knowing when there will be food and downtime is very useful as you can plan accordingly.

My ds was 18 months when my brother got married and I had the same concerns as you, what we did was take my ds to the ceremony and be included for the photos, then my Mil came and took him back to our house and watched over him so my Dh and I could go to the reception and evening do without having to leave early because my Ds has had enough.