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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to not want my children chanting the name of god?

60 replies

SoftlySoftly · 06/06/2013 21:50

Ok opening myself up here, first time I've been nervous!

DH and I are different religions, I find comfort in personal faith, not drum banging. DHs faith is stronger and important to him.

MIL is very committed runs every aspect of life. DM is also very faithful.

I made it clear to both I would educate my children, they could teach my children, but I would not name them they can make choices when they are older. DM has respected this.

DMIL has dds 3 days a week sometimes more dependent on work.

Over the last few days I have heard both dds (dd2 is only 1!) Chanting the name of MILS god over and over and over. I asked dd1 (3.5) she said dmil did it.

I'm not comfortable, it feels like indoctrination not education, if done in public it could open them to abuse. They don't understand what they are saying.

I'm just not sure if iabu or not and if not what to say?

OP posts:
Original poster
SoftlySoftly · 06/06/2013 22:42

Last true but 1 feels observational and 1 feels very forced. Dmil naturally dresses that way and prays in front of them, I have said she can teach the knowledge as facts but this repetitive chanting just feels like trying to hammer it into their little brains rather than free choice.

I was niave thinking it could remain observational learning but don't think I was unclear when I agreed it shouldn't be them being forced into a religion (any religion).

Kim we go for dinner as we go for Christmas dinner. Iresold dd1s questions as "grandma believes" not "this is fact" iyswim.

OP posts:
Cailinsalach · 06/06/2013 22:43

Join us on the dark side. God is really called Allan.

thebody · 06/06/2013 22:45

Op you need to get a childminder and pay for professional child care or put up with it.

That's your choice.

Original poster
SoftlySoftly · 06/06/2013 22:45

Soda actually she's right the split galena at Jesus. Apart from that the 3 books are pretty much the same. Christians believe he was the son of God, muslims believe he was a prophet, I think Jews he doesn't exist at all, the Torah stops before?

All this killing is over that little thing because of that hire fucking ridiculous. Apart from its not, it's about interpretation, cultural oppression, control, land and oil. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
SoftlySoftly · 06/06/2013 22:47

*books split not spkit galena Hmm

Do I though thebody can't my children stay with the gps who love them without being fixed into the religion?

OP posts:
SantanaLopez · 06/06/2013 22:48

I have said she can teach the knowledge as facts but this repetitive chanting just feels like trying to hammer it into their little brains rather than free choice.

That makes absolutely no sense. Would you really be happier if she sat them down and explained in detail? They wouldn't understand for a start.

It is inevitable that they will copy her- she's their grandmother and they are with her for 3 days a week at least!

DioneTheDiabolist · 06/06/2013 22:50

Are you sure that your MIL was chanting it. When DS was that age, I heard him chanting Fucking Morons over and over.Blush

He had heard my mum say it in the car, but she wasn't chanting it. The chant was his own.Grin

I don't know if you should be concerned or not, right now. But I do think that you should have a chat with your MIL about what she is teaching them, and how. And take it from there.

Original poster
SoftlySoftly · 06/06/2013 22:54

But it isn't like copying her praying (which they do as play) it's her repeating it directly to them as I would teach them a nursery rhyme as far as I can tell.

Oh balls I probably abu

OP posts:
rabbitlady · 06/06/2013 22:55

waheguru.

HollyBerryBush · 06/06/2013 22:57

Soda you need to do your research I'm afraid.

It's the prophets within the Abrahamic faith that have caused the divide

HollyBerryBush · 06/06/2013 23:01

Jews acknowledge Jesus but they do not acknowledge him as the Messiah. Muslims acknowledge Jesus as a prophet, Christians have based a whole religion round Jesus. Jesus also appears in some but not all Bhuddist teachings and Gnostic texts.

SodaStreamy · 06/06/2013 23:04

o I've done mymuch research thank you very and 'although' it my be the same god , followers of the religions do not see it as such

My husband was catholic , I'm protestant , we bephht ulived in the same god but still had 'niggles' with each other of religion and how or children should be brought up

OP you must have known your DH was muslim ....did you not discuss regilion before you had children?

SodaStreamy · 06/06/2013 23:08

yes Jews acknowledge Jesus and muslims acknowledge jesus but jews and muslims do not belive in the same god ..I thought would be pretty obvious to all?

Tommy · 06/06/2013 23:09

OP - when did you expect your children to start "make their own choices" about such things?
Children absorb all sorts of things from their environment. If you want them to be atheist, then you are not allowing them the choice to be anything else.
You must have know your MIL may do this sort of thing - you have to suck it up or find some other childcare
that's families for you!

thebody · 06/06/2013 23:09

Softly, apparently not or you wouldn't be posting.

You can't control her so if you are that worried you need to reduce her access to the children.

3 days a week is a lot of childcare and allowing her a huge chunk of influence.

Original poster
SoftlySoftly · 06/06/2013 23:10

Soda Yes we had agreed to teach them then let them choose. Come the actuality dh would like them labelled as Muslim because he feels their education will be mainly Christian. I did not agree. We haven't raised the subject since but this may force a discussion I didn't want to have.

OP posts:
AKissIsNotAContract · 06/06/2013 23:14

Of course they all worship the same god. They are all monotheistic religions.

Original poster
SoftlySoftly · 06/06/2013 23:16

I know I know I wanted formal childcare but it was seen as a huge waste of money and in reality my job makes flexible care essential like tonight I am away. Which would mean a nanny.

I think I was very very naive. I thought they could learn then when they were older we could discuss. Then I had children and as with many things (dummies, sugar, shouting) I realised I was a massive childless twat before Wink

I could just say "don't chant Allah at them" and she probably would stop but first I need to work out why I hate it so much and if I'm being (as had been pointed out) unfair and inconsistent?

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 06/06/2013 23:17

I don't think YABU, but I do think you might be reading too much into the chanting.

If this is something that mil does, as I know some Muslim women do sing about Allah, then your dc have probably just liked the sound of it and are copying what they hear. Think about all the other sounds and noises children make.

I don't think it means they are being indoctrinated. You are probably providing them with more balance to the religion thing than you realise.

foreverondiet · 06/06/2013 23:19

Yabu - you allowed your kids to be looked after my her! What did you expect?!

Iggi101 · 06/06/2013 23:21

Rabbit lady - do you know how Waheguru is pronounced? I've often wondered. Tia.

Original poster
SoftlySoftly · 06/06/2013 23:24

forever to be fair my mother had them and manages not to drag them to Sunday school or read them the myriad of religious children's books she has. She even asked before buying them a gold cross each (which I allowed along with a tavis cant spell it from mil) which I put in a box for them as lovely thoughts from gps.

Thank you clouds that actually makes me feel more settled about it.

OP posts:
innoparticularorder · 06/06/2013 23:26

If you both believe in a God what's wrong with them chanting the Muslim/Arabic name of God? I would understand more if say you didn't believe in a God but you do.

MangoJuiceAddict · 06/06/2013 23:28

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but I do think you should try to understand your DH's religion more. I don't follow any religion but my DH and his family are Sikh, I had a Sikh wedding and DD is a Sikh. I think religion has caused a lot of problems in the world, but it has also helped a lot of people. What I did was not teach DD that any particular religion is 'correct' but allow her to go to the Gurdwara with DH and his family, and attend RE lessons at school and school trips to the local church, mosque and synangogue. Maybe try to teach your DC's bout all religions and to recognise Islam as part of their heritage on DH's side of the family, but not something they actually have to believe in if they dont want to? Although if they do want to then that too should be abslutely fine Smile. My DD is eleven years old and recognises herself as a Sikh because she has always enjoyed going to the Gurdwara and is close to DH's family. How old are your children? What holidays/festivals dfo you celebrate?

rabbitlady · 06/06/2013 23:33

Iggi101
jolly good question. i've youtubed and its wah -hi - g'ruu. 'hi' is like 'his' without the 's', not 'hi' like hi-de-hi.
i'm listening to a lovely yt waheguru chant right now, and there's a pic of the golden temple...

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