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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be hung up about woman calling other womans child 'rude' to her face...

40 replies

thegirliesmam · 06/06/2013 10:14

so, my idea of hell is mother and toddler groups, I am a young mother who see's that I have very little to talk about outside of my children (sahm who doesnt drive and gets out v little) and my mothe and toddler group locally is one big child competition i dont want my (all be it advanced ;) ) children to enter, but I go for them and they love it.

so we are sitting having stories and this particular mother is reading (with all the wrong inflections and is boring the life out of toddlers and mothers alike), one little boy turns to his mother and whispers something. too which story reader stops and simply says "dont talk" then proceeded to bore the room with tales of a moving bath full of animals.

to my left is a mother with twins (about 18mths), one of which is throwing a full on blue fit. Poor dot wants her dummy, which is behind story teller, screamers mummy asks politely for the dummy to be handed over. Story teller hands the dummy to screaming 18mth old with "say thank you". Screaming child grabs it and shoves it in to which she is instantly soothed, needless to say a screaming 18mth old didnt accept dummy with a thousand thank yous and best wishes....too which story teller looks at screamer's mother and with raised eyebrows and judgemental tone says " rude, rude children". Screamers mother says nothing. I am stunned. Story teller feels it is her place to say this!!! Unjusitifiably i feel as the 18MTH OLD CHILD IS LOSING IT! Her dummy is all that her little brain is focused on, not a dummy acceptance speech!

aibu???? it has been a daily thought ever since tuesday morning. what would you of done if you were the childs mother? i know what i would of done, need to know if i would be in the wrong?

OP posts:

KansasCityOctopus · 06/06/2013 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CocacolaMum · 06/06/2013 10:25

I would have walked out. How the fuck can an 18mnth old be rude?

MrsCosmopilite · 06/06/2013 10:29

Seeing as she felt it appropriate to comment on parenting and children's behaviour in front of the group, I would have told her that I thought her attitude was inappropriate/rude in front of the group.

TheRealFellatio · 06/06/2013 10:30

Seriously? What a nutter she sounds. A tired and distressed 18 month old baby can't be rude! I think I would have had to say something in defence of the poor child's mother!

tootdelafruit · 06/06/2013 10:35

is she the person running thr group? if not then why does she consider herself so important to have all ears on her?

i would have walked out also as soon as she did that. probably muttering something (loudly) about some people needing to pull their heads out of their arses catch a grip of themselves.

racmun · 06/06/2013 10:38

I hate toddlers groups got this very reason - too many mothers with their own righteous views on everything your child has or hasn't done.

I expect the poor mum was dumbstruck i know I would be and was probably feeling awful that her 18 month old dare to cry in the first place.

I'd love to have the balls and the wit to come back with a quick retort to such a ridiculous comment but in reality I would probably sit there with my face burning with fury and want to walk out.

Depending just how cliquey it is I would try and speak to the person that runs it and raise my concerns. If they are very pally I would never go back!

Original poster

thegirliesmam · 06/06/2013 10:46

oh it is the clique to rival all cliques! i have been attending for a year and a half and can count on one hand the amount of people that have spoken to me (dont drive and it is two mins walk away from my house, the things we do for our children!), you see my instinct (being from the north but living in the south) is to be a bit upfront and say who the hell do you think you are (but i realise i have the censorship of channel four however i reigned myself in and realised a room of two and unders isnt the place) but i cant quite let it drop for some reason! if she'd said it to mine, i would of gone batshit crazy (in a controlledish manner given the environment). i am just aghast at her audacity. feel like printing out the thread and sticking it on the noticeboard :)

OP posts:

BarbarianMum · 06/06/2013 10:49

I'd have laughed tbh - some comments are too stupid to get upset about.

tootdelafruit · 06/06/2013 10:52

"feel like printing out the thread and sticking it on the noticeboard"

is it just me that thinks you should?

Tallulahmae · 06/06/2013 14:26

If the child were older and more able to understand social rules then yeah it would be rude, but 18 months you can't expect them to have grasped that aspect of life just yet!

I would have been annoyed if I were her if the mother hadn't said thank you and I would have commented on her rude behaviour (not that she sounded as though she was being rude - but just for an example) for sure but not such a young child. She sounds rude herself

DontSweatTheSmallStuff · 06/06/2013 14:46

I'd have said "but she's only 18 months and is still learning manners, what's your excuse?

YouStayClassySanDiego · 06/06/2013 15:03

I think I would have replied to story telling loon ' he's 18 months old and doesn't understand but what's your excuse'.

I would've been humiliated, got up and walked out. In fact I have done that.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 06/06/2013 15:04

Xpost!!

YouStayClassySanDiego · 06/06/2013 15:05

I have the slowest phone ever!!

HenriettaPye · 06/06/2013 15:14

I probably just would have got up and walked out.

Mother and toddler groups attract all the loons of the day, this week I was there and at snack time my 10 month old was eating some chopped up strawberry when this woman came flying at her like a bat out of hell screeching 'noooooooooo' Now obviously DD was terrified and I started panicking shouting 'what?!? What's wrong?!' Lifting my child up and considering turning her upside down incase she's choking, when this crazy woman starts shouting 'strawberries!!' And shoving her fingers in DDs mouth to get the strawberry out

I asked her what the problem was and she looked at me like I had two heads and exclaimed that DD was eating a strawberry and shouldn't be as it will give her allergies I told her DD loved strawberries and I wanted her to have them, so she walked away tutting and stood with her friends and they all glared at me like I was force feeding her fucking vodka or something. Wankers

Cosydressinggown · 06/06/2013 15:17

I don't think you are being unreasonable to find this rude, but you are being unreasonable to make it a 'daily thought' since then and to post about it. It wasn't even your child. You don't have to go back to the group if the woman running it is a knob. The other mother can make her own decisions about how to react when someone is a rude wanker about her child.

superbadspeller · 06/06/2013 15:22

[Shock] henrietta she actually put her fingers in your dds mouth?!! I'd have raged at her!

Op in the situation you described i would have tutted at the woman and said ''she's still a bit young for manners yet let the poor kid have tbe dummy in peace'' whilst scowling and looking at the poor mum in a sisterly 'i've got your back' way.

Belchica · 06/06/2013 15:25

Henrietta that's shocking!!! I'd have told her to get her grubby hands away from my Dcs mouth and mind her own business. Do these women not have kids of their own to be parenting? I live in nappy valley and have not once in 9 months set foot in a baby group for the reasons mentioned on this thread.

ziggyf · 06/06/2013 15:35

thegirliesmam do you live where I do?? Sounds very similar! I stopped going to the toddler groups after a few weeks, the majority of the people there were a bit unhinged.....

HenriettaPye · 06/06/2013 15:40

Yes her fingers were practically down DDs throat, scooping it from her intestines!!

At the time I was convinced something terrible had happened and she was choking and I failed to notice or she had put something poisonous in her mouth so I was holding her tipping her up so she would let the woman get the 'offending article.' Never in a million years did I expect it to be just because I was feeding her a strawberry! When I told her I wanted DD to eat them she told me I was being very foolish as a life full of allergies is not easy. All over a strawberry.

Loulybelle · 06/06/2013 15:54

That was really rude, and yeah i would have said something.

Henrietta, that is shocking, and since when did giving children food give them allergies, not giving children things is more likely to lead to allergies, not the other way round, dumb arse bitches.

Floggingmolly · 06/06/2013 16:14

Is she the group leader? . If not, why do you all allow her to appoint herself master of ceremonies?

Next time she demands silence for her stories, start a loud sing song on the other side of the room and drown her out.

UniqueAndAmazing · 06/06/2013 16:26

i'm speechless.
WTF was the storyteller thinking ?!

I know my 18mo says thank you, but that's osmosis, not manners
I would not expect a baby of that age to know thank you, and I certainly wouldn't call one rude because they didn't say it! I'd just be grateful that the child was happy and not screaming.

(and I'd also be inclined to rebut that the storyteller was being rude for not handing the dummy over when the baby had the hissy fit (instead of waiting until the mum asked for it)

UniqueAndAmazing · 06/06/2013 16:31

and "then proceeded to bore the room with tales of a moving bath full of animals."
you mean the Big Red Bath?
that's a classic!
(it's obviously the way she tells them! )

superbadspeller · 06/06/2013 16:37

Your poor dd henrietta what a shock To her and to you! I can imagine going from normal to scared/shocked to total confusion and anger all in the matter of seconds it can't have been a nice experience :(

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