To think a handbag is not unprofessional?

[Xiaoxiong]

I am embroiled in an argument with my mum and aunt (her sister). Both in their 50s.

I had some photos taken yesterday for a hedge fund website. I was carrying a black leather handbag (this one if it matters!) I bought it when I returned after maternity leave to feel more professional and put together. It's waterproof smart, and fits my laptop, A4 files and everything I need without being monstrous or fashion victim-y. I have seen other women in the City with the exact same bag.

They told me it was unprofessional and I should carry a laptop style briefcase - the kind that is given out for free at conferences with a logo on the side.

They said men associate women with shopping and statement handbags are therefore unprofessional because they will make clients think you're some sort of label-obsessed airhead. A huge shiny laptop briefcase with a bank logo (not even our own logo!) apparently sends the right image of a confident professional woman. If I don't want to carry a briefcase apparently no bag at all is a better alternative than my black leather handbag

I think they are being U and stuck in some 80s time warp, thinking we have to out macho the men to be taken seriously. They think I am U for not listening to their years of experience.

FWIW I did my first investment banking internship in 2002 and have worked full time in the City since 2008 in a formal office environment so not exactly a neophyte but apparently as they are 25 years older they will always know better.

AIBU?

What jobs do your mum and aunt do?

I have this bag - it looks more like a laptop bag than a handbag but it is nice and soft and not made of that horrible black webbing material.

Flip through Harpers or Vogue next time it has a supplement on business clothes. I absolutely promise it will include handbags as well as briefcases, and none of the briefcases will be from conferences!

I would be dead tempted to drop some comments about how dating the 80s look can be. Or, you know, just point out you probably didn't get the job because everyone in the job interview loved your look.

Actually my aunt has been an investment banker for 25 years and I sometimes wonder if she has ever taken the slightest notice of what everyone around her is wearing. Her wardrobe looks like she still buys what she bought in 1992. I wonder if she feels she got ahead by being like the men, she never had any kids, etc.

We are actually starting this hedge fund together (with some other people as well). It's going brilliantly, we work really really well together, she's always given me great help and advice on everything else and this is the first time we've had a difference of opinion!! Hopefully we can get past this and now, armoured by my knowledge that I'm not the one being U I can just roll my eyes and laugh it off if it comes up again.

My mother has never worked in an office but thinks she knows everything about the City thanks to my father being a partner in a City firm She makes films so apparently that makes her an expert on image. Her opinion is a lot easier to dismiss...

The "secretaries" comment has been walked back, apparently they weren't accusing you all of being secretaries, they were saying that carrying a handbag like that would result in me being confused for a secretary.

It's still bullshit though.

Not a secretary here either. Not saying what I do, but it's a looong way off that.

Also, I have a number of friends who work in The City/Finance/Law, in highly qualified positions (not 'just secretaries', as your aunt or mum would have it ) - and not one of them would feel that bag would be inappropriate!

Sadly, sometimes the worst misogynists are women themselves. Your aunt and your mother fall into that category. Patronising bitches.

For what it is worth, I work for a hedge fund (and not as a secretary!) and am always carting my giant handbag around with me, often with work papers in it, and nothing has ever been said to me or any of the other women here about it being unprofessional. And we're not comparing Birkins or anything...

I have never once seen anyone use one of those awful freebie bags, and the last conference I was at when they were giving them away had a few people remarking as to why they even bother because no one is going to carry one to display the industry we work in, as it would make us easy targets for red pain!

red paint

That bag is fine. But (unless I misunderstood the first post) I am not sure why you needed it in your photos.

I would not hesitate to use that bag at court.

I wonder if your Mum and Aunt thought Margaret Thatcher looked unprofessional? She loved her handbags!
I think your bag looks very smart (I now want one) and not in the least bit unprofessional.

Thank you Xiaoxiong, that's really helpful. I often have a pair of shoes in my bad too.

Oh and you can tell your mum and aunt that the 1000 + people who work for me don't consider me a secretary and I don't work in finance!

What a fabulous bag!

Makes me wish I still worked in the City...

(They have no idea what they're talking about, btw)

They've never been in the city during morning/lunch times etc. Very few people carry the logo bags and if they do they generally look very scruffy.

Great taste in bag btw.