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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To fight with DH over a Wifi Baby Monitor

30 replies

BoyMeetsWorld · 06/06/2013 07:01

I feel like DH lives in fantasy land & needs to grow up.

He's permanently running up debt because even when our money's run out he's buying rubbish for his bike, iPad or latest fad off EBay without me knowing.

And now - with a baby on the way, a ton of stuff we actually need - boring unglamorous stuff like a breast pump, bottles, steriliser etc - he's completely fixated on just one thing: a Wifi Baby monitor.

He wants Ons of those gadgets that let you see baby in its cot via an app on your phone...he reckons he'll be able to watch it from work through the day. These things are EXPENSIVE, many don't have great reviews or have the same integral features of a standard baby monitor like temperature and breathing alerts...that's just not the point of them. I've also pointed out to him that baby won't even be in its cot most of the day...he seems to think I can cart it around with us so he can watch us.

I'm getting v fed up of this and think its just an example of DH being naive, immature and unrealistic. AIBU???

And does anyone have any experience of these blasted wifi things? Thanks....

OP posts:

HollyBerryBush · 06/06/2013 07:09

At what point in the day is he intending to do any work that he's paid for?

His colleagues will soon get pissed off with 'the baby bore' who isn't pulling his weight.

fairylightsinthespring · 06/06/2013 07:10

No experience of the wi-fi device but your DP does need to grow up quick. What will his boss think about him watching a baby all day? Maybe hit with him some hard facts. Make a list, including costs of all the things you need up front, plus the costs of a pack of nappies (you'll get through maybe 6 a day initially, then it settles down to maybe 4) and show him. Presumably your income will be reduced for a while when you are on ML? Has it factored that in? Monitors generally: Useful to have a temp readout or if they can be a nightlight but beyond that, I never worried about breathing monitors or anything like that. Actually we never used them much with DS because we were in a small house and I could always hear him. How about you offer to Skype your DS when baby is awake. He'll soon get bored of it and find he is busy at work.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/06/2013 07:12

I think it's just highlighting the bigger issue of your DH's attitude to money.

VinegarDrinker · 06/06/2013 07:12

Surely Skype does this? Or FaceTime? Without spending money on a new gadget.

Original poster

BoyMeetsWorld · 06/06/2013 07:14

Pobble - I think you're spot on, that's my issue. Yes we'll effectively take a half cut when baby comes as I earn the same as DH and my company maternity scheme is naff...

OP posts:

Limelight · 06/06/2013 07:15

You're right. He's being a knob. Sounds like an unnecessary, stress inducing, waste of money to me.

Can you distract him into obsessing about something you do actually need. Like a pushchair or a sling or something?

Trapper · 06/06/2013 07:36

It sounds like he is pretty ebay savvy. Work out a budget for baby peripherals (bassinet, steriliser etc etc.) with him and see if he can come u with a plan for buying/acquiring it all and still being able to afford the gadget.
Everything we had was from ebay or from people who had already had babies apart from two 'luxury' items. We agreed that we should get a top-end, new breast pump (my wife's request), and I was completely fixated/ irrationally excited about the Fresco Bloom high chairs. The later were over £200 new, but I eventually picked one up on ebay for

Original poster

BoyMeetsWorld · 06/06/2013 07:52

Trapper - is it just a man thing then to obsess over certain (odd!) items?

We've already got the pram...which I bought myself out of my personal savings as DH was already in his overdraft that month & we'd gone into the reserve on the joint account for unexpected vets fees. The pram was an eBay bargain.

DH still owes me £350 for a holiday I paid for entirely. We split all bills / mortgage / nursery etc then have a small amount each 'personal'. The difference is I save mine while he sees money & has to spend it, even once there's none left

OP posts:

Beatrixpotty · 06/06/2013 07:52

I've had 3 babies and not used one.Just used a normal listening one,that has been fine.Before I had a baby a video monitor seemed liked a really good idea but despite spending £100 it was crap,annoying and had loads of interference.

You don't need a monitor until 6 months.The baby stays with you until then.

I'm sure when the baby arrives he won't actually want to watch it at work but if he does and you both have iPhones you can do FaceTime for free.

I can see why he thinks it's a good idea,but if money is tight it is definitely something you can manage perfectly well without.

diddl · 06/06/2013 07:56

Will be be home at weekends/evenings & therefore seeing baby regularly?

If so he'll soon get bored won't he?

And wanting to see you both-sounds creepy to me tbh!

Tell him to grow up-it's not about him anymore.

Someone elses needs are more important!

VivaLeBeaver · 06/06/2013 07:59

Tell him you've read concerns about newborn babies being exposed to too much wifi.

Trapper · 06/06/2013 08:10

I think both sexes have the ability to swoon over certain items (eg shoes).
If the money was not an issue, it would actually be quite sweet that he wants to see baby at work and show baby off to friends on new gadget. But we all have to life within our means and this is probably as good a time as any to agree a budget with him.

On a practical level, he is unlikely to use it often. Unless you have a huge house, most baby monitors end up in a drawer somewhere gathering dust by about 3 months.

Trapper · 06/06/2013 08:11

.... Although the 'practicality' comment can apply to lots of new baby stuff - top and tail baths and the like.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 06/06/2013 08:17

He's prioritising gadgets over things that you really need for the baby.

As someone else said, if baby sleeps with you for the first six months you won't need a monitor anyway.

Have you spoken to him about his complete lack of responsibility over money? Has he thought about what will happen when you aren't earning?

superbagpuss · 06/06/2013 08:19

does he know that WiFi monitors can be hacked quite easily? does he want strangers watching his child/listening to your conversations?

I had a similar disagreement with my dh, he wants a video monitor do he can watch our DT and see who is playing up - they are now nearly 4. I prefer the free go and take a look method.

valiumredhead · 06/06/2013 08:24

Does he realise the baby won't actually be in the cot for most of the day?

honeytea · 06/06/2013 08:36

Yanbu. As previous posters have said you should have the baby with you till 6 months so no need to buy a monitor for at least another half a year.

Could you promise to send dp a photo each day of what you are doing? It would be much more exciting than watching a sleeping baby and he van show his friends the daily photo.

Gingerbreadlatte · 06/06/2013 08:53

We've got something like this. Not the one on apple store as its v expensive. It's an ip cam. See it on web page on phone. Much cheaper way of doing it if he is keen.

I was v anti re cost and it bring silly but its helped me with my sleep phobic dd2.

PurplePidjin · 06/06/2013 09:00

You need:
A moses basket
Cellular blankets
Some baby grows and vests
Nappies
A car seat (if you drive)
A pushchair
A big saucepan and some Milton tablets

£200 or so. Everything else is extraneous or can be suggested as presents.

Your "d"p needs to grow up, fast. What exactly are you and the baby going to live on once you're on maternity and can't afford half of everything?

LovelyWeatherForDucks · 06/06/2013 09:13

My DH had his eye on one of these...until I pointed out we'd probably need to leave the app open and running all evening/night/naptimes...so he wouldn't be able to use his phone for anything else when baby was sleeping! (Not sure if this is technically correct, but I assume so!)

MiaowTheCat · 06/06/2013 09:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bejeena · 06/06/2013 09:50

I have not read all the replies but I just wanted to say if your hubby is really into gadgets, technology and the like then he'd probably easily be able to work out that the battery drains extremely quickly on those cool wifi screen thingies. Just mention that to him and ask if he has thought about it (I hadn't - but my husband had and he is the rocket scientist gadget freak in our house!)

Bejeena · 06/06/2013 09:54

we regularly stick the dog on Skype instead of the expected grandchild

Hahahahahaha, I love it! This might be a good reason for us to get a dog

ChunkyPickle · 06/06/2013 09:55

If you've got any other gadgets - phone, ipad or whatever you can do exactly the same already - I used to stream video from my iphone so DP could watch (all for free - I don't remember the website I used but a bit of googling should find something similar - it was designed for streaming your own TV channels, but you could make them private so it worked perfectly for showing DP what DS was up to).

As to monitors, I never bothered - I was in a flat, so the baby was either with me, or steps away in another room where I could still hear him.

FryOneFatManic · 06/06/2013 09:59

The only reason we had a baby monitor was because I'm partly deaf, so it was useful because unless I actually went to check I couldn't hear either DC. But it was one given to us, and actually the go and take a look method is not only free, it's exercise .

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