aibu to think my SIL is a bit of a PITA (trivial)

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This about is my DH's brother's wife. ok i'm mainly venting. It is all trivial, but here are some examples of my dealings with her:-

1. Her and BIL's house was 120 miles away. After inviting us to visit her house for the day when we had a 4 month old baby, DH declined cos it's too far round trip for us to travel and our baby had very severe reflux.
   She had a go at my DH for declining and then sent a text to me out of the blue saying 'maybe you can visit us when you are coping a bit better.'

2. asked (TWICE) whether my Mum is still seeing her partner (whom she's been with for several years). SIL is not an aqaintance of my Mum. She's only met her once at my wedding. I think it's nosey and rude to be
   asking questions of such a personal nature about my Mum.

3. you buy her kids birthday presents, but she doesn't bother buying your child one back a month later.

4. gave me a xmas present of pregnancy diary 5.5 months through my pregnancy (one of her unwanted presents?).

5. gave me xmas present next year of xtra small caridigan when i'd had a baby few months ago and was clearly overweight (one of her unwanted presents?).

6. gave me an xmas present another year of a diary that was out of date ( was expiring in a few days time - one of her unwanted presents?).

7. when we were visiting, my DD got down from the table, and whilst sneering, threw the wet wipes across the table towards me and told me to "wipe DD's hands before she touches the toys."

8. when i bought DD's potty round and left on her bathroom floor tiles (which is obviously wipe clean), that she used to also take a towel to put under the potty, implying that i should have also bought towel to put over her bathroom tiles incase DD's wee got on it ? Really ? aibu not to bring a towel for under her potty ?

9. on xmas day she and my BIL were with her family (with whom they spend nearly every xmas).
   And then they moaned that we didn't phone them to wish them merry xmas and because of this they said they were feeling 'very unloved'. We did phone but my BIL had changed his old phone number but had not told DH or given DH the new number, hence we phoned his old number.

six of one, half a dozen of the other after reading all of that...

Nutter.

Yanbu on all counts.

She sounds like a handful.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

It'll drive her nuts if she doesn't get any reaction from you.

Jeez yes

Trivial doesn't even describe it

What do you buy her for Christmas?

yanbu - i'm loving the expired diary. I may go one better this xmas and give the diary i've actually used this year to someone, they can just cross out my dentist apps and P for when my period started each month I just want to see the look on their face while i trill 'you're welcome' while smiling.

WandaDoff thank you. That's exactly what i try to do. Ignore. Very occasionally, she's ok and that lulls me into false sense of security then wham!

auntmargaret well first few years DH did it cos he'd bought for her for years before i came along. He would get her £50 vouchers every year. First year i was with him, i got nothing cos they 'didn't know whether i celebrated xmas.' Two times i got £30 back. But joint income is about same. Then i started buying them. After the cardigan xmas present I bought her Gordon Ramsey cookery book, the year after i think i got her Molton Brown stuff, the year after i got her Slippers and box of chocs from M&S. My BF said i need to be more stingy but that is me being stingy!

MrsKoala - lol, yeah me and DH have got an expired present running joke going on now.

YABU, this is mainly too trivial to worry about. Cannot abide Christmas present competitiveness. It should be your husband's job to buy for his own sister anyway. If you choose to take it over then don't moan about it. As for moaning about what she gets you...yes, the presents sound crap but jeez, what a first world problem. All the rest of it sounds highly subjective - you felt she sneered as she gave you wipes, she could have felt she was being helpful.

Get angry, or be amused by it.

My SIL could really upset me, she could take over my thoughts most of the time, she could make me angry. Very angry.

I have learned to laugh to myself (and with DH) and I mostly find her extremely entertaining now.

Every so often she'll do something seriously nasty, that's when I'll allow myself to get annoyed.

It's best for your own well being to laugh at the small stuff.

I forgot to add my own gifts received from my SIL.

A pack of 3 disposable lighters. Useful I suppose.

A selection of Christmas Cracker innards. Interesting.

A gift card with a message inside reading "We've decided not to do gifts this year", and of course no gift card... and yes she'd waited until she'd received HER gift from us.

You HAVE to laugh.

parakeet - this is my DH brother's wife, not DH's sister. DH in the past has always splashed out on them cos he likes to be seen to be very generous to his family, but then when it comes to us, I would have to subsidise and pay much more than my fair share, as he wouldn't have enough money to say pay bills/buy new car/wedding/honeymoon etc. That's why i took over the present buying for them. He was fine with me taking over the present buying as it's one less thing for him to do.

I'm not big on xmas anyway. I'd rather get nothing and not have to buy anything as we are just doing it for the sake of it. So DH has decided that it's about our kids now, and that we will stop getting the grown-ups stuff for xmas presents and just get kids stuff instead. He just jasn't told her yet.

aldiwhore - i do laugh at it sometimes, and i avoid her now. You have truly trumped me on the presents front.

Just take it as pure comedy gold entertainment unless she does or says something really nasty, in that case you need to give her the good news.

Most of that is you being petty imo.

No1 would piss me off.

The presents issue is easily solved by saying no presents at all in future. Suggest secret Santa to a set amount if people sulk.

Sounds very similar to my SIL and its annoying beyond belief but over the years I've learnt to ignore her, not let her bother me and to only actually see her during family gatherings.
Oh and I had the clothes thing too- it was my birthday two weeks after my DD was born and SIL got me a pair of size 8 PJs. I've never been a size 8 even before I got pregnant!
YANBU. Agree with another poster, thank her for her gifts and then ignore. The lack of reaction from you will annoy the hell out of her!

I was given an address book one year - present giver had 'helpfully' filled in a number of addresses for me ( obviously no one I knew ) so my gift was definitely second hand!
Thought it was hilarious to honest.
Christmas cracker innards. Brilliant!

you do know all your presents to her - while expensive - are also quite specific? She's probably saying all the same things about you tbh. I'd hate a generic cookbook, I'm allergic to Molton Brown and I don't wear slippers... Just saying it's perhaps not all one-sided.

Thanks themilkmonster. Exactly, i would never have been able to fit into the xtrasmall cardi even before. She really, really wanted me to open to out of date diary, in front of her, at her house. But i said thanks and said i'd open it at home. You know where i'm coming from. It's not really about the presents. It's about them trying to wind us up and have a dig.

Avoid her. These things are trivial but indicative of thoughtlessness or not being bothered, so there is no point making huge efforts. Your DH can just arrange to see his brother whenever he wants.

And suggest to them you stop adults exchanging Xmas presents. It will be a blessed relief to all concerned.

On the no thanks for children's presents or reciprocal presents, that is a bit mean. Could DH raise it with his brother? Really the men should be sorting it out. They are the ones with the close blood relationship.

WilsonFrickett - you are correct, but i did go out and buy them. And this was after years of her getting £50 from DH and me getting £30 or probable seconds back. The slippers i knew that she would like, as she has very similar ones and got them in the right size and she opened them and was surprised (in a pleased way) and hugged me. I then went home and opened my out of date diary and just wished i'd kept the slippers.

I don't think she likes you, for whatever reason/s.

Who cares? Who even remembers Christmas presents in such detail? Just concentrate on your own friends, rather than some distant relative who has been forced upon you by a wedding ceremony.

EldritchCleavage - the men should be sorting it yes, but they won't. DH initially just said we should get their kids birthday presents even though our kids dont get anything back. But eventually he agreed that this was unfair so has agreed no more birthday presents.

LessMissAbs - you are quite right. She doesn't like me. And i don't like her.

The present bit would wind me up, but the wipeing hands after dinner before playing, wouldn't you do that anyway....or is it only my kids who get really mucky at dinner, and at my parents house there tiled floor is really slippy so needs something under the potty to stop it sliding all around.

I used to get fed up buying for my Dniece and Dnephew and not getting anything back, I did a deal with their parents (my DS and DBIL), I buy for my kids on their behalf and they buy for theirs on my behalf. It saves on postage and the children get what they want. We also have stopped giving the adults presents, again it was getting stupid us giving them money or vouchers and them us getting the same back. Now I just need to convince my In Laws to do the same....