aibu to think my SIL is a bit of a PITA (trivial)

[trackies]

This about is my DH's brother's wife. ok i'm mainly venting. It is all trivial, but here are some examples of my dealings with her:-

1. Her and BIL's house was 120 miles away. After inviting us to visit her house for the day when we had a 4 month old baby, DH declined cos it's too far round trip for us to travel and our baby had very severe reflux.
   She had a go at my DH for declining and then sent a text to me out of the blue saying 'maybe you can visit us when you are coping a bit better.'

2. asked (TWICE) whether my Mum is still seeing her partner (whom she's been with for several years). SIL is not an aqaintance of my Mum. She's only met her once at my wedding. I think it's nosey and rude to be
   asking questions of such a personal nature about my Mum.

3. you buy her kids birthday presents, but she doesn't bother buying your child one back a month later.

4. gave me a xmas present of pregnancy diary 5.5 months through my pregnancy (one of her unwanted presents?).

5. gave me xmas present next year of xtra small caridigan when i'd had a baby few months ago and was clearly overweight (one of her unwanted presents?).

6. gave me an xmas present another year of a diary that was out of date ( was expiring in a few days time - one of her unwanted presents?).

7. when we were visiting, my DD got down from the table, and whilst sneering, threw the wet wipes across the table towards me and told me to "wipe DD's hands before she touches the toys."

8. when i bought DD's potty round and left on her bathroom floor tiles (which is obviously wipe clean), that she used to also take a towel to put under the potty, implying that i should have also bought towel to put over her bathroom tiles incase DD's wee got on it ? Really ? aibu not to bring a towel for under her potty ?

9. on xmas day she and my BIL were with her family (with whom they spend nearly every xmas).
   And then they moaned that we didn't phone them to wish them merry xmas and because of this they said they were feeling 'very unloved'. We did phone but my BIL had changed his old phone number but had not told DH or given DH the new number, hence we phoned his old number.

Just stop doing presents, it's all too bloody petty for words, why are you wasting energy on this?

You sound extremely petty andhard work with your present inventory.

Re nbr 2 - obviously I don't know your own situation but it doesn't seem "nosy" to ask after your mum. Surely it's making small talk.

Where is Reality when you need her?

I have a similar problem with my SIL. I am currently gritting my teeth and biting my tongue as it is my dds birthday this week. I have invited her two dc to the party and they will come. But I know there will be no present for dd as they "can't afford" to buy birthday presents. (Her dh is self employed but doing relatively well I know). I wouldn't mind but she is the first to take the party bags at the end (and will complain if one is missing something) and the party is being held at a venue where I have to pay so much per child. They do buy at Christmas but it just grates. I always buy birthdays, and especially when my children are invited to parties. I think it's just rude not to.

Gosh this does sound extremely petty and trivial.

Mostly I think YABU tbh. And the ones you have a point with, I have to wonder if she is only doing it because you are unpleasant to her. There are two sides to every story, blah blah blah, but it just doesn't sound like you have much time for her and you're looking for things to pick up on to give you a reason to dislike her.

I wonder if there's more to it since nothing you've said is really bad?

So much of this is the kind of thing which wouldn't even raise an eyebrow, let alone a grudge. The rest is a little off, but I imagine it's a result of the fact you clearly don't like her.

I'm always suspicious of extravagant present buyers, particularly when it's for people they're not that close to. It smacks of one-upmanship, or something more snidey.