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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be furious at dog walker?

65 replies

MakeTeaNotWar · 05/06/2013 17:27

DS is 8 months and teething. He hasn't napped well today, so exhausted and fractious, I load both him and 2 year old DD into the buggy for a walk around the block. He finally nods off and we are heading back home 10 minutes later when an approaching old lady lets her small dog run at DD who is petrified of them. I ask her to please call her dog back as DD is terrified and her screaming is waking DS. Old lady carries on talking over me, "oh he's a friendly doggie, loves children". DD is now practically wetting herself with fear and DS is woken. I am now back home with trembling toddler and screaming overtired baby.

AIBU to be incandescent with rage with people who let their dogs run at small children and buggies, terrorising them in the event even if they are supposed to be friendly dogs?

OP posts:

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 05/06/2013 17:28

YANBU.

RayABlokeIUsedToKnow · 05/06/2013 17:29

YANBU

I have a dog and hate dog walkers who do this. Grrrr

LindyHemming · 05/06/2013 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sweetkitty · 05/06/2013 17:31

YANBU

She shouldn't allow her dog to run at children. I have the opposite thing going on my DC love dogs and love to go up and chat and pat them, but no many people now pull their dogs away before the DC can even ask them if they can pat them as I am assuming they are frightened to let their dogs near children.

Yes if you have a dangerous dog whom I would argue shouldn't be around hidden hidden but I think it's sad how people hate dogs and so many children are scared of them.

KitNCaboodle · 05/06/2013 17:31

My DD is 7 and has a genuine fear of dogs. I try to explain this politely to local dog walkers when they come sniffing but they all have the same response. "Oh, he's harmless/loves children" etc etc.
I don't care. Get your dog away from my inconsolable daughter!
YANBU

pipsqueakz · 05/06/2013 17:32

She should of listened to you I always keep my dog on a lead she is the sopiest of dogs but some ppl find her intimidating (she's a rotweiller) but I definitely see where your coming from and was irresponsible of her. Hope you DC settled back down and hope your dd is OK now poor little lady.

BeerTricksPotter · 05/06/2013 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ipswitch · 05/06/2013 17:40

Yanbu to expect her to put her dog on a lead.

I however think that being "incandescent with rage" is rather OTT.

May I ask if you have any plans to rectify and rid your DD of her fear of dogs generally? This to me seems to be the issue here.

BeauNidle · 05/06/2013 17:41

YANBU - I always put mine on a lead when I see children for that very reason. They are very very friendly, but I appreciate some children are frightened of them. Then if the child wants to say hello that is fine, but as an aside, have you discovered about why your dd has such a fear of dogs, and how to help her overcome it, as she will be meeting dogs all through her life, either by going to friends or just in general as it might be a good idea to try to help her whilst she is young.

loveschocolate · 05/06/2013 17:44

Yanbu to be annoyed that the dog walker ignored your request but you really need to do something about your daughters fear. Being angry isn't going to help anyone ( and I understand the pain of having an overtired baby who won't sleep) or change what is done

DameSaggarmakersbottomknocker · 05/06/2013 17:47

YANBU

I think that some dog owners do not appreciate how scary a dog can be to a small child, even if the child hasn't had a previous bad experience. As an adult, sizewise it must be akin to having a donkey run at you full pelt - who wouldn't be put off?

Original poster

MakeTeaNotWar · 05/06/2013 17:51

I realise incandescent is a strong reaction but it was momentary. I am still pissed off through!

I don't know where DDs fear has come from, she is afraid of all animals (she's only 2). We don't have pets ourselves but are animal lovers so try to encourage her to stroke friendly cats, horses dogs etc but just she refuses, terrified. Does anyone have any tips on helping her overcome the fear? Getting a dog ourselves is not an option currently.

OP posts:

BeauNidle · 05/06/2013 17:53

One problem that may be making it worse for your DD is for her to see your anger, and then that underlines that she was right to be fearful. Still stating that the walker was wrong of course, but I think only you can do something about working through this, so that in future she can overcome the fear of dogs.

Do you have any pets at home?

BeauNidle · 05/06/2013 17:54

sorry xposts OP

BeerTricksPotter · 05/06/2013 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bosgrove · 05/06/2013 17:58

YANBU - DD2 is (was) really scared of dogs, to stop her screaming and trying to climb up me, I talk to every friendly looking dog walker we see and to start with we just said how pretty the dog is (most dog walkers like most parents like their charges admired). Now she has started asking if she can touch some of them. It has taken ages but now at least I know she will ask calmly as we walk past them in the street.

I do still worry that a large dog in her face will destroy all the hard work that I have put in.

ipswitch · 05/06/2013 17:58

Picture books with animal characters?
Animal alphabet bedding, nick nacks?
Happy feet? Disney? Peppa Pig
Toys?

Childrens zoos, Petting zoos?
Teaching animal noises and counting legs and tails etc.
Saying nice dog, nice cat, nice horsie etc and having good body language yourself.

She is very young. I hope she grows out of this fear.

D0oinMeCleanin · 05/06/2013 17:58

Start with very, very small quiet dogs or particularly calm cats.

My niece is two and also scared of dogs but copes well with Whippy and my cat and can now be in the same room as my foster grey, she even giggled when he ate crumbs from her dress the other day, albeit nervously. He's three times her size but very calm. She also adores my cat now after being introduced properly to him, although is still scared of cats on the street.

Until she met and was comfortable with Whippy she would never have entertained even being carried through a room the greyhound was in.

elvislives2012 · 05/06/2013 17:59

YANBU

I would be furious too. Why do you have to make allowances for other people's lifestyle choice? Not everyone likes dogs and its not hard to keep them on a lead

BeauNidle · 05/06/2013 18:04

elvis - because that is life, and we all have to make allowances. It is a case of sucking it up and dealing with stuff to make it not affect you so badly!

ipswitch · 05/06/2013 18:10

elvis: I get the rage with parents who let their children run up and poke or try to stroke my dogs without asking. Do I have to make allowances for their lifestyle choices? Not everyone likes children.

Have you ever considered this view? Or anyone elses? Perhaps you could try to be a bit more constructive.

D0oinMeCleanin · 05/06/2013 18:11

We also didn't make a fuss. We didn't tell my niece we were trying to help her overcome her fear or even that the cat would there when she came round.

My sister decided her fear was getting out of control and preventing her from enjoying day to day things like trips to the park, so she asked if my pets would help.

She simply brought her round and I left the cat in the living room instead of sending him upstairs like normal.

He sat on my knee at first, no-one made her touch him or even mentioned him. She was hiding her face from him at first, we just chatted as normal, ignoring her reaction, eventually she stopped hiding her face, once she became more confident and jumped down on the floor I nudged the cat awake and he moved about a bit. We just took it in slow steps like that and repeated a few days later with the dog, although with the dog she joined us on a walk and was encouraged to throw treats for the dog. Whippy is a bit nervous of geese so we took them to feed the ducks and laughed at the silly doggy for hiding from the ducks

Afterwards she came home with us and was happy with the dog loose in the same room as her.

enormouse · 05/06/2013 18:12

I always worry about this with my dog. He's large and white, looks like a giant polar bear but soft and loves children. I'm aware how terrifying he might be to a small child. I always put him on a lead around children and prams and ask parents permission before allowing him near kids. It's just basic courtesy and it sounds like that woman had no sense.

On the other hand, DPs dog is scared of children and has only stopped running away from our DS and lets him give her a little stroke.

CloudsAndTrees · 05/06/2013 18:17

Whether YABU or not depends on what the dog was actually doing.

If he was running around and part of that running around meant that he was running in your direction, but he wasn't jumping, sniffing around you or actually doing anything to you, then YABU. Dogs are allowed to run around in parks.

If the dog was jumping at you or your dd and sniffing around you or your dd, then YANBU. She should have called her dog away.

I would put my dog on a lead if I was asked to because of a scared small child, but only as we went past. I wouldn't deny my dog his exercise when he is doing nothing wrong.

Kaekae · 05/06/2013 18:24

YANBU my Dd (3.5) is really scared of dogs. We can't go to our local park anymore because no one seems to like putting their dogs on leads. I despise it when a dog owner informs me that their dog won't bite, because dogs are unpredictable and one fast movement from a child can make a dog feel threatened. I get fed up with dog owners who leave their dogs tied up right at the front entrance of school gates. Not nice for the shivering dog who appears alarmed by the volume of people and not nice for children who are scared of dogs.

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