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AIBU to be a bit upset by DS doctors comments on my weight?

44 replies

Mixxy · 04/06/2013 09:36

Brought my 13 week old son for his check up. Doctor says "baby is making great weight gains, good length and head circumference. Mommy seems to be having a harder time losing the weight. It really has stuck around on your face". I was delighted my DS was doing so well, little upset that the doctor felt the need to point out I can't lose the last 10 lbs I gained. She is a very in-demand doctor and was eagle eyed on a condition our DS had. I was surprised. I blushed. Thinking of ringing her back and lodging my objection. Has the moment passed to correct her or AIBU?

OP posts:

organiccarrotcake · 04/06/2013 09:39

Outrageous, rude, completely out of order. I'd be furious, and I'd certainly make a complaint.


Tee2072 · 04/06/2013 09:41

Well, she's a doctor. She's going to have an opinion on your weight.

She could have been a bit more diplomatic sure, but is it worth a complaint? Probably not.


Peevish · 04/06/2013 09:41

I think that was astoundingly rude and unprofessional. I can imagine you were too taken aback to pull her up on it at the time. Yes, I probably would write a letter pointing out that this was an inappropriate comment. But then I am completely astounded by what people sometimes put up with from GPs. Our local 'in demand' doctor once told an acquaintance of mine with a bad stammer to 'spit it out, for God's sake' when she was trying to explain her baby's symptoms. Grr.


Alanna1 · 04/06/2013 09:42

You certain it wasn't meant nicely but misinterpreted? I would be wary about upsetting what otherwise sounds like a good doctor with a good relationship. Nobody expects you to be back at size 8 at 13 weeks post partum!


LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/06/2013 09:43

She probably thought she was being helpful but it's not as if you don't know yourself when you're carrying extra weight and your baby is still so young. I wouldn't ring to complain but if I felt the same at the next check-up, I'd ask her to restrict her comments to DS's wellbeing as the appointmentis for him.

I actually wouldn't do that myself; I'd take it on the chin and remind myself that now is a good time to start something else to try to shift that last bit of weight.

Don't take it to heart though, either way, whether you do something or not. It was professional advice, well meant, but not very tactful.


ChunkyChicken · 04/06/2013 09:45

At 13wks only having 10lbs to lose is unusual (in a good way) surely? I have about half that still to go & my DS is nearly 7mo!! The comment was incredibly rude & unnecessary. However, I'm not entirely sure I'd make a complaint now, but I'd have been too stunned to say anything at the time too.


Crinkle77 · 04/06/2013 09:46

That is awful. You only had the baby 13 weeks ago. I just can't imagine why she thought that was an approriate comment to make. I can't advise you whether to complain or not but she was definately out of order.


Peevish · 04/06/2013 09:46

If it's a matter of ten surplus pounds meaning the OP's face is still a bit plump 13 weeks after she gave birth, I don't see that as a professional issue at all, especially at a medical appointment that isn't actually for her. If the OP were obese, it might be a different matter.


BunnyLebowski · 04/06/2013 09:46


She was a rude moose.


Wildwaterfalls · 04/06/2013 09:48

I think that is really rude actually. 13 weeks is so soon after birth still struggling with the last couple of kg at 9 months.

I think a polite phone call saying you found the comment upsetting would be quite alright. Might help her think before speaking in future.


Sallystyle · 04/06/2013 09:50


I'm sorry, that must have stung a little.


LilyAmaryllis · 04/06/2013 09:51

I'm not back to pre-baby weight and my youngest is erm.... 5

No doctor has made a comment about my weight (even though they might be justified in doing so!)

She was very rude, how upsetting for you!


Sallystyle · 04/06/2013 09:54

Tee, it wasn't even her appointment.

I don't think a GP should be concerned enough about someone needing to lose 10 pounds 13 weeks after giving birth. It isn't a health issue, it is completely normal to still have some weight to lose so I don't see this as something the GP should have commented on at all.

At 10 pounds overweight it isn't exactly a health issue that needs addressing so soon after having a baby.


Mumsyblouse · 04/06/2013 09:56

I think it is a bit tactless if she said it like that, however I would not start complaining if she is an excellent doctor- there's a school of thought that doctors should be prompting us to think of losing weight, stopping smoking, taking exercise by saying small things often rather than waiting til you are in very poor health and trying to help you then- sounds like she was rather rudely heading down this way which was not the time or place.

I really think complaining is a waste of everyone's time and effort- then the practice manager has to get involved, letters written, blah blah, all for an off-the-cuff remark which was tactless although possibly with some medical need in it.

I feel the same when I read about teachers who said XYZ- if you are a professional, whose 8/9 hour days involved speaking and interacting constantly, sometimes there are times you just blurt something out which, in hindsight is not that nice or sensible, but just comes from interacting naturally all day every day with people. I've done it myself, I said something really inappropriate in a joke to students a few months ago, and I though- I'm so glad I teach adults and not children, otherwise a witch-hunt would be out demanding an apology/raising a complaint. Of course I mean nothing by it and it just fell out of my mouth, as happens from time to time. This complaint culture is clogging up the system which is meant for really awful complaints- like babies misdiagnosed, the A & E pile up, that's what you should complain about.


BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 04/06/2013 09:57

Jesus, how rude!

You should have wheeled out the classic, 'Did you mean to be so rude?' line.

But I think I would be inclined to suck it up if she's a good doctor, they're hard to find and you'll be seeing a lot of her over the next few years if your DC are anything like mine.


evelynj · 04/06/2013 09:57

Really rude-you are at a vulnerable stage still & with a 13 week old baby I don't think any mother should yet be turning her attention to losing baby weight.

You could be diplomatic and say that while you were only mildly upset you know of plenty of women who would have been distraught at this and it's not a time when they need the added pressure so please could she refrain in future commenting on weight when someone has a newborn. Does she have kids?

I would have been a blubbering mess. Keep us updated


Mixxy · 04/06/2013 10:01

A little background I guess. We have a pretty friendly relationship. I live in the US. She is married to a guy fr Europe and she feels this is a bond with me. We are the same age and we agree on lots of parenting stuff. Its part of why I chose her as my sons Ped. Dr. I don't feel massively over weight. I'm 5'8 and 10 stone, still a bot to go to my fighting weight but my yes, my face holds weight. It just seemed a little too personal. I avoid pictures of me and the baby due to vanity on facebook. My DH posted one anyway and my sister and Mom and everybody else said I looked beautiful, which is obviously not true but it certainly is nice to know they wouldn't go that route with me and the new baby. I probably won't say anything. But that just doesn't seemlike me.

OP posts:

Mumsyblouse · 04/06/2013 10:04

I might feel a little different about complaining if I was a paying customer (at the point of service) than in the cash-strapped time-starved overworked NHS: that's your call. It is a personal comment and I can see why it's hit a nerve with you.


PostBellumBugsy · 04/06/2013 10:05

I think the moment has passed. She will probably have seen 20 other patients since she saw you. It was a blunt and unnecessary comment, but it really isn't complaint worthy.

I think it would have been better to say something at the time, but can imagine it probably came as a bit of a surprise. Being a cantankerous old boot myself now, it would have generated a raised eyebrow, paddington stare & an "excuse me?" from me!

If she was good with your DS & you are impressed with her abilities as a GP, I would leave it, but don't tolerate any such comments next time you have to see her.


Tweasels · 04/06/2013 10:05

So, hang on. Are you friends? Or is she just DS's doctor?

Not that it excuses someone being rude either way but it does change the parameters somewhat.


Mamafratelli · 04/06/2013 10:05

What an insensitive thing to say! You are well in the healthy BMI range, probably still a little puffy from pregnancy, 10 pounds is nothing! I gained 40 in my first pregnancy Blush and still have 10 to lose but my kids are so worth it.


choceyes · 04/06/2013 10:06

Really really rude! I'd have found it really hurtful. 13 weeks is still really early. I didn't lose much weight till after about 6 months after DC2, althouh with DC1 it was quicker.
I'm not sure I'd complain though, but I might ask for a different doctor.
TBH, whenever a DC was sick we only ever saw the practise nurse on a same day appointment anyway, and that was less than a handful of times in the last 5 years. I've not seen my own GP since 2006, so I would have just asked for a different GP.


MotherofDragons82 · 04/06/2013 10:08

Hmmmn, I don't know. I'd have been devastated if a doctor said that to me, but I guess the doctor may have had a point if you're still very overweight?
You don't say if you were a healthy weight before you had your son. If you were and you're only 10lb above that now, then the doctor is being pretty harsh, IMO.
But if you were already obese before you had your son and you're 10lb above an already-unhealthy weight, then she may have a valid reason for pointing it out?

Either way, I don't think it's worth a complaint. I'd have probably burst into tears, but taken it as a sign to keep away from the cake (which I've been virtually inhaling since my own DS was born)


PostBellumBugsy · 04/06/2013 10:08

Oh, didn't realise there was a whole different back story. If she is supposed to be a "friend", then tell her to back off with the weight comments. Maybe it is different in the US though. French women think nothing of telling each other they need to lose weight - probably why they're all so slim! Wink


flipchart · 04/06/2013 10:08

With the relationship you have I would not be lodging complaints.

I doubt very much it was said maliciously.

Tactless maybe but let it go.

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