AIBU to be a bit upset by DS doctors comments on my weight?

[Mixxy]

Brought my 13 week old son for his check up. Doctor says "baby is making great weight gains, good length and head circumference. Mommy seems to be having a harder time losing the weight. It really has stuck around on your face". I was delighted my DS was doing so well, little upset that the doctor felt the need to point out I can't lose the last 10 lbs I gained. She is a very in-demand doctor and was eagle eyed on a condition our DS had. I was surprised. I blushed. Thinking of ringing her back and lodging my objection. Has the moment passed to correct her or AIBU?

Hang on, you're 5'8" and 10 stone and she reckons you could lose 10lb? Surely that puts you close to the lower end of what is healthy? I certainly would complain, actually.

Yanbu! She was really rude and I would have been gutted. FWIW 10 stone and 5ft 8 is hardly fat anyway - surely that is not even overweight? I haven't bothered to do the BMI on it but I would be surprised if that was considered unhealthy. If you want to lose 10lb then obviously fair enough and good luck to you but it hardly sounds like a health issue that the dr needs to comment on when its not even your appointment!

Read the thread motherofdragons!

OK different system in the US then.

Still really rude though, especially if you are friends too. Yes it is too personal a comment. You have a healthy BMI. If you were obese maybe she could have asked how you were getting on with losing the weight etc. But as you are not, it's really not relevant is it?

mumsy I live in the US. Believe me, I am personally payong for her time out of my own pocket.

We are not friends, we are friendly.

I'm going to email her directly and say I founf the comment uncalled for and unhelpful. I understand that my weight as she calls it is a concern if she sees it, the same as if she noticed a mole on my face while I was bringing my son to be checked out is her concern. I'm just going to say I don't like being weighed and measured by eye, while my son is there for a check up.

She's your friend. She was probably joking. What a non-issue.

I had read the thread, but cross-posted. You hadn't said how much you weighed when I posted that.
5ft 8ins and 10 stone? I'd have been absolutely livid. And I don't know how you still have another 10lb to lose either!

I don't think I would do anything formal given the relationship, but I would drop her an email saying that you found the comments hurtful and that they could be harmful if said to someone with a history of eating disorders/PND. Moreover, you must be bang in the middle of healthy BMI at your current weight, and will be towards the lower end of it if you lose the 10lbs, so medically she had no point to make at all.

in the real world the weight does not all come off by 13 weeks. Your doctor needs to read fewer trash mags.

She phoned me in response, just off the phone with her.She said it was a glib remark she regrets. I sense that I've made the relationship a little more formal and I hope my DS treatment doesn't suffer. DH has agreed to take over check up visits with her. She is such a good doctor, I'd be loath to change. Thanks for the input ladies.

Of course the relationship is going to change!!

Instead of having a quiet word with your friend about how she acted professionally you have put it in an email which has formalised things.

Like I said before she was a bit tactless but I guess trying to be helpful.
If I was her I would be stepping back from you tbh.

She is not my friend. She cant pronounce my DS name correctly, she doesn't acknowledge that me and me DH have kept our own names. If she can't take criticism, I will replace her. The beauty of private health care.

"If she can't take criticism, I will replace her. The beauty of private health care."

No wonder you got a phone call to apologise then!

Who'd have thought the US healthcare sytem had an upside?!

wow only 10lbs after 13 weeks. that's brilliant. It was rude of her to say that. But i would just ignore it. Maybe she was speaking without thinking. If she says it again, then maybe ask her not to comment on your weight cos it's making me feel self conscious

oh trackies - the thread has moved soooooooooooooooooooo far on from there!!!!!!

Should I memtion that without my health care policy it $575 a visit. With a co-pay it is $150. I chose her for her expertise, not weight loss motivation. I wantwd her ability to care for my son, a choice I still stand by. I just upset in the office, but clearer thinking when I got home.

PostBellumBugsy i haven't read the whole thread as you've prob guessed. Went upstairs and thought about it, and a 'friend' of mine saw me at a wedding 3 months after i had DS, and called me 'chunky' and was pointing at my tum and making references to me being fat. I no longer talk to this 'friend'

OP - it is fine to have a formal relationship with a doctor whose time you're paying for. It's the same as going to a lawyer or accountant: she's a professional who gains intimate knowledge of you and your family through her work. The fact that she is friendly shouldn't obscure the very clear boundaries there.

You know what, accept her apology, forget about it, get DH to go to appointments for the next 6 months, and then by the time DS is a toddler, I bet you'll have forgotten about it. If she's your pediatrician, you'll have a long-term relationship with her that's bigger than one stupid comment.

Also, a good ped. can be worth her weight in gold. My old ped was a tactless old bugger, but he spotted DSis3's very aggressive abdominal tumour in enough time that she lived. That's priceless.

But that's a BMI of only 21.3!