AIBU to not want to spend £175 on my soon to be 7yo DD's party?

[Rachtoteach]

Help!

Lately my lovely daughters has been going to her friends soft play etc parties and her birthday is coming up so she wants the same sort if thing. She had her heart set on a party at our local soft play place where you play, obviously, eat and also get to build your own bear to take home. It's £17.50 per child, minimum 10 kids.

I am torn. I could work my backside off for the next 2/3 weeks, and go without some of the things I had my eye on (a kaftan for our trip to Devon, some flip-flops), and let her have the party she wants BUT I also want her to learn about money/saving etc! I reall would have to scrimp and save. As for a present, she would like an iPod touch! And how can I say no when that's what her brother got when he turned 7 (please don't start an argument about whether iPods are suitable for 7yo, that's a whole other thread I think!).

I really feel like I've made a rod for my own back in spoiling them up until now (they are lovely kids though....!), if I had my time again I would lower their expectations and teach them the value of things.

So, please give me your ideas for fab low cost parties!

I've always explained to mine that they can have a big party OR a big present. Maybe ask her which one she'd prefer? My 7 year old had 15 kids to a bowling party but just had a new (Asda) dress off us. She also got lots of presents off her friends. At 7, they are able to understand and make their choices!

Sleepover party - v cheap - loads of girls sleeping in the lounge, DVD, get some cheap oversize white t-shirts and fabric crayons - colour their own "nighties" and take them home the next morning as going home present. Nail varnish, fake tattoos, job done.

btw, are you sure about a Kaftan?

Can she not have the soft play party without making a bear? Ours charges around £10 for softplay, food and party bag if you don't add the bear making on. I give my dcs the option of more expensive party or better present.

agree with loves - big party or big present they cant have both. you need to be consistent though and tell all of your kids this is the way it will be from now on. are there other similar venues that say would take 4 of them and be less expensive? worth showing her various cheaper options so that she can choose which she would prefer. mouth securely zipped so as to make no comment on giving 7 yr olds ipod touches!

party or present.
and kaftans are more Ibiza than Devon, take a zip up hoodie instead!

Mine can choose either a big party or a big pressie but I like to stick to about £200 for everything. I've spent about £120 on dd2 for her birthday and I'm going to book a nice table and cake at the local soft play for her and a couple of friends after school. That will probably come to about £50.

£17.50 per kid s alot for a soft play.

Do you have space to have a party at home, which is obviously the lowest cost option? In the past, parties I have done for DD include one when she turned eight, and I bought a huge load of beads (good quality glass ones, not crappy plastic) from a local craft shop, together with proper beading thread etc, and she and 9 friends squeezed round the kitchen table to make lots of necklaces and bracelets. Plus some party games and food.

Or another time I spent ages preparing a kind of spy/whodunnit style treasure-hunt around the house, plus lots of other spy-related games. You can do lots of themed parties like that at home without spending much money, but they do take a lot of time, thought and effort to prepare.

Sorry OP, realised my kaftan comment sounded bitchy on re-reading - I know nothing, I slob about in a dressing gown until 3pm!!!

Did her brother get a big party when he turned 7 as well as an inappropriate ipod? If so, then you've made a rod for your own back. If not, then you can say X didn't get a party so you can't either, or you can, but not an expensive present as well.

There are a couple of options:

Give her the choice between party and present?

Invite fewer children, and just take them to soft play yourself without the party aspect. Sort out the food yourself, could be tea at your house or McDonalds type thing.

Cheaper party, so something at home or in a local park. If its decent weather you could organise a water fight/games and then have some food. Hold a sleepover with a few activities. Take her and 1 or 2 friends to do something specific like cinema or bowling or manicures.

if your financial situation has changed and you can no longer afford to dish our expensive tech to kids, that's how it is. You are doing her no favours by making the situation unreal.

she has the choice of what you can afford. Life lesson, even at 7.

Really appreciate your comments. Have to dash out to collect said children from school but will read properly and digest later!

LOL at Kaftan comments! Don't worry the waterproofs, blankets and hoodies are also on the list!

If you have space for the party at home you can buy build a bear type kits, sorry cant link on here but my DD did one and it was great. If you google I'm sure you will find some. You get the bear skin and stuffing then there is a one way zip to close it up. You can buy t shirts for them to decorate for their bear. Think they are about £9- 10 each and food for a party at home needn't cost much. That may be a good compromise for your daugher! Hope that helps.

I am so glad my boys aren't materialisitc!

Tell her she can choose.

Option A) party costing 175 and a small gift up to the value of 25 pounds

Option B) ipad touch and a cheap party at home. Sleep over and film on the TV with pizza and popcorn.

if you can't afford it then you can't afford it. You need to sit down with her and discuss other options. The sleep over idea sounds brilliant as does jewellery making.

To be honest my DD and her friends (all year 2s) would disdain a soft play area party as being for reception children and maybe year 1s. Could you suggest to her that 7 is a big girl so she needs to start thinking about big girl parties?

I think £17.50 per child is extortion. If she's set on soft play have you talked to any others in the area to see what they're quoting?

Ive got out of loads of parties for my dc by explaining they can either have a party or a decent present..but not both.
So far so good, they all went for the present.

take few pals to soft play,not specified party just regular soft play
give them wee party bag. sweeties at end
that's enough

I'm with the choice of one or other. Big party or big present. Not both.

I'm puzzled by kaftan in Devon. Did u mean a onsie?

I have spent that on a party, but it was for 30 and had a huge bouncy castle and piles of helium ballons. OTT because I could afford it that year and DD didn't want an expensive present.

Otherwise £60-80 to hire various local pools is far more normal

it's so pricy and competitive.a dizzying plethora of ponies,go karts,magicians,circus
pricy parties are something I opt out of hosting,I don't want to be that mum or that party

Well I have spent that on a party but we don't spend much on presents (too many gifts from relatives!)

£17.50 is too much for soft play - can you go to a different soft play?
Just to add that I think 6/7yos are too young for a sleepover birthday party. I certainly wouldn't let my year 2 child go on one.

£17.50 per child is loads for soft play. My local one is £7.50 per child, and it doesn't have a minimum guest number. Sounds rather nasty and grasping of the company in question actually. There must be something else she'd like to do?

Do you have to do soft play with the bear. Im taking my dd1 to Build a Bear for £9 per bear, then to somewhere to eat in the same complex for £4. All in all £13 a head. We don't do presents for more than £20.