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Original poster

wedding save the date... described as plus one

30 replies

thatdoesntsurpriseme · 02/06/2013 10:34

Postinga problem a friend asked here... So dont have any further details.

Shes been with her dp for 2 years and they are now moving in togetherr... All their friends know theyve been together that long and all of her dps friendd have all met her at least a couple of times.

Her dp has a friend grting married next year and the engaged couope, along wih a number of her dps other friends, visited her dp for a night out just 3 weeks ago. Obviously she was present and the engaged couple even went round to my friends flat to get changed. I think he one significant event of that night that should be taken into account was the engaged girl having a go at my friend totally out of the blue on a train as she discovered that they were from the same town, but my friend has left for a high flying job in london. Apparently she went into some rant about hating people who get a leg up there and then leave and slag ot off. Friendleft at 16 so its not even relevant as an argument and apparently there was no basis for the attack anyway. Girlwas all sweetness and light next morning.

This week, her dp recieved a save the date card for their wedding. On the back it said "DP + 1". Shes a little 1. Confused as to why she wouldnt have been named if it was necessary to write it at all and 2. Upset given that its been two years and shes met them a few times. She seems to see it as someone arbitrarily deeming her relationship short term or doomed.

I dont know what to think. It does seem bizzare. What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
thatdoesntsurpriseme · 02/06/2013 10:35

Oh wow sorry for typos. Massive phone typing fail!

OP posts:
Jengnr · 02/06/2013 10:38

Is there any chance they'd forgotten her name/full name?

I think I did it for one of my husband's mates because I couldn't remember his partner's name.

Original poster
thatdoesntsurpriseme · 02/06/2013 10:42

Im pretty sure they couldve checked facebook for that but good idea!

OP posts:
Montybojangles · 02/06/2013 10:47

I'm crap at remembering names/spellings, I would do that as much as possible on invites to save time. They are writing a lot of them, so anything to make it quicker I would imagine.

VBisme · 02/06/2013 10:48

I expect that it's not knowing the full name. It does seem a bit rude, but it will clearly be her going to the wedding.

As an aside my exMIL was still saying "if you and my DS get married" 2 weeks before the wedding.

Original poster
thatdoesntsurpriseme · 02/06/2013 11:51

Thanks. Am telling her all this. Keep em coming!

I do think its a bit rude. Given that she posted the card to my friends dp himself, why put "+1" at all if your not goig to put his significant other's name?

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 02/06/2013 11:56

How long ago were the invitations actually printed? They may have been printed ages ago.

ZillionChocolate · 02/06/2013 11:58

I think it's lazy and a little rude because it's so thoughtless, but I doubt it was intended as a deliberate insult.

CloudsAndTrees · 02/06/2013 11:59

I think she's being over sensitive tbh. They should have made the effort to find out her name if they've forgotten it, but I don't think it's a big deal.

BlackMini · 02/06/2013 12:03

Just wait and see if she gets the kick in the teeth I got recently.

DPs old housemate from uni who I have known since day 1 that me and DP got together as they lived together. Been on countless nights out with him, had him over for dinner, even drove 8 hours to spent NYE at his folks house in Scotland.

Got a save the date card with both our names on it. Then the wedding invite arrives with only DPs name on and one set of menu choice. DP phoned to check and that is correct. No reason given but money defintely not a problem.

blondefriend · 02/06/2013 13:21

For my wedding I was so stupid I forgot one of my friends was actually in a long term (1+ year) relationship and didn't even put +1. Luckily he was brave enough to tell me and it was soon put right. I was very Blush !! I'm afraid wedding planning left me more blonde then usual.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 02/06/2013 13:36

To be honest it wouldn't bother me at all. Writing cards takes yonks and is boring - quite likely they just did it on autopilot. Or even one of their mums or siblings did the job for them. In either case, they'll have written his name first on their lists if he's the older friend to them, so she is the plus one not because they've never met her, but because they'll have thought of him first and her second, even if they do know her now.

Iggi101 · 02/06/2013 13:37

If I thought a relationship might not last, I'd write +1 - especially if wedding a year away - as it's the friend I want to come to the wedding, not whoever their partner happens to be at the time.

squeaver · 02/06/2013 13:40

It may have been written by one if the parents who wouldn't know her name...

MadBusLady · 02/06/2013 13:47

Two years isn't actually that long and they don't live together yet, I don't know whether I'd treat that person as a fixture. If you're writing dozens of cards you probably develop a bit of a system, Mr & Mrs for people who are married, Mr X and Miss Y for people you know well who've lived together for ten years etc, Mr/Miss X +1 for people where you're not sure who they might bring. Maybe your friend is a bit between categories 2 and 3 in their minds.

DontmindifIdo · 02/06/2013 13:48

Remember it might not be the bride or groom writing out the 'safe the dates' - the list might say something like "[DP's name] plus his girlfriend" and has been handed to a Mum of the bride, an Aunt, or a bridesmaid who, rather than thinking to ask what the name of the girlfriend is has just written "plus 1"

Or it could be they've taken the decision to put "plus 1" on all the save the dates where the couple weren't living together, I wouldn't assume someone who's dating someone but not living with them was automatically going to bring that person to a wedding a year in the future. (you say they are just moving in together, that means the cards were probably written before they moved in together).

RhondaJean · 02/06/2013 13:51

We got a wedding invite to dh name plus partner earlier this year.

We have been married 14 years ( today actually)

I thought it was the height if rudeness. Mn disagreed. I disposed of said invite through the shredder.i remain convinced its rude and lazy.

MadBusLady · 02/06/2013 13:53

Why did you put it through the shredder? Confused

FarBetterNow · 02/06/2013 14:01

BusLadY: Shredding is very thearaputic!

OP: I think the wedding girl is jealous opf your friend 'getting on' in her life.

I think it was deliberately rude, but people like that are everywhere!

VBisme · 02/06/2013 14:02

Wow RJ, just for a plus 1? Weddings are lovely, I wouldn't refuse just because of a percieved slight which is probably just a hurried invite writing.

Just as an aside, my cousin sent a plus 1 to my mum and dad. (Dad plus 1), mum was so offended that my dad took me as his plus 1 - we had a great time!

RhondaJean · 02/06/2013 14:07

Yup absolutely therapeutic shredding.

Why would anyone find it lovely to spend a day " celebrating" with people who don't even have they meta to remember their name, likewise why would anyone invite someone like that to supposedly one of the most important days of their life?

I'm aware most of mn disagree but I am absolutely entitled to feel the way I feel. As is your friend op.

ENormaSnob · 02/06/2013 14:11

I feel the same as rhonda.

VBisme · 02/06/2013 14:15

likewise why would anyone invite someone like that to supposedly one of the most important days of their life?

and the response to not being invited at all would have been so much better?

Fairydogmother · 02/06/2013 14:18

I didn't even get invited to the wedding of my ex-hs best man! You should always invite spouses and long term partners.

As for the +1 there's def a good chance that someone wrote it wrongly or they forgot your friends name at the last minute. At least they didn't exclude her totally!

RhondaJean · 02/06/2013 14:25

Would not have given a toss at not being invited.

Suspect it was to increase the gifts to be brutally honest.

Actually now I think about it, I can only think of three people in the world who would upset me by not inviting me to their wedding, two of which are my children, and even at that I would understand if they went for quiet weddings or secret weddings or weddings abroad.

I am usually quite easy going so if this upset me, it upset me and I am perfectly happy to go with that.

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