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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be totally fed up with Mrs Mean?

49 replies

poorpaws · 02/06/2013 00:06

I met Mini Mean 18 months ago at a local Fri night meeting. After a few months she asked if we could go out for lunch which we have been doing at least once (sometimes twice) a week since. Mini Mean does not drive due to health reasons.

Background - Mini Mean is very wealthy. Max Mean (husband) has a top job, they live in a big house, have 8 other houses which they rent out and last year Mini Mean's mum left her a large bungalow and a tremendous amount of money. Max Mean is the most mean of the two. He will drive around town all day rather than pay for a car park and goes EVERY night to EVERY supermarket for cheap nearly out of date food. Mini Mean wont give clothes to charity shops as she can get £5 a bag at the clothing bank (which she says she has to have so she can put the money to new clothes).

Mini Mean ALWAYS uses her M&S credit card to buy EVERYTHING because she gets points and vouchers every 3 months which she then spends at M&S Outlet Stores. She buys a lot of clothes from M&S Outlet Stores, asks for the hangers and then takes most or all of them back (minus hangers). Last week I was very embarrassed as she paid for a pot of tea (in M&S cafe) by credit card. I told her I would have given her the cash if I'd known and she opened her purse which was full of change and just commented that she wanted the points on her card.

When I first met her I paid for the car park until I realised how mean she was and now we pay half each (unless she has no change).

The Fri night meetings are now going to be shorter so she's asked if we can go for coffee afterwards and I'm pretty sure its because she wants a lift home. I live 2 mins up the road from the meeting and she is another 10 mins after that, so a round trip of about 20 mins for me. Mr Mean has always picked her up before but I can't help thinking that he will be out doing his supermarket nightly bargain hunt and she would rather use my petrol than his.

AIBU to think I should just go home after our Fri night meeting and just take her out once a week? Or am I being petty? Apart from her being mean (which she seems to enjoy telling me about and I'd rather not know) we do have a laugh and most of my friends live 400 miles away so I suppose it's Mrs Mean or nobody.
First post on this so please be gentle with me.
Posting now before I delete.

OP posts:
pictish · 02/06/2013 00:13

I don't know what to say.

Iwantmybed · 02/06/2013 00:16

It does sound like you don't like her very much.

maras2 · 02/06/2013 00:17

So who's Mrs Mean,Mini's mother who left her a lot of money plus bungalow?

lisianthus · 02/06/2013 00:19

She sounds careful with money to me, not mean. To me, mean would be always forgetting her purse so you have to pay for her, not paying on a credit card - whats wrong with that anyway? And her husband likes a bargain, so what? He's probably spending more on petrol than he would on parking, anyway.

I wish I was a bit more self-disciplined with cash!

If she's fun and a nice person, which you seem to think she is, then spend time with her. Are you saying she is dishonest in some way, or tries to get you to pay for her?

lisianthus · 02/06/2013 00:20

Props to you for the character names though! Smile

CloudsAndTrees · 02/06/2013 00:21

YABU to be friends with someone you refer to as Mini/Mrs Mean. YABU to be friends with someone you have issues with just because you don't have anyone else.

Go for coffee if you want, don't go if you don't want to. You are allowed to choose.

The rest is irrelevant. Why does it bother you that are frugal? People with decent wages are not banned from getting bargains you know!

TinBox · 02/06/2013 00:22

If you live two minutes up the road from this meeting ('meeting' sounds quite mysterious, by the way) why are you driving there in the first place?

LittleMissLucy · 02/06/2013 00:26

Is Harry Enfield getting a revival?

DebsMorgan · 02/06/2013 00:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
poorpaws · 02/06/2013 00:33

Yes you're right I am being unreasonable, I did think I was. I just wish she would keep quiet about all the savings I think, she really does go on about it. Point taken and thanks to all. I will meet her on Fri and take her home.

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 02/06/2013 00:38

Maybe she has nothing else to talk about?

TinBox · 02/06/2013 00:38

People who go on and on about their earnings and income can be really annoying though. You can ignore it, have it out with her, or stop spending time with her because it annoys you too much.

I'd be inclined to have it out with her, because the other two options are quite dishonest and inauthentic. Besides, I think that people should talk MORE honestly about their financial differences - by which I do not mean bragging. It might be quite interesting to have that conversation. And she obviously doesn't feel coy about discussing her financial arrangements.

Just a thought.

happyAvocado · 02/06/2013 00:41

I would say honestly that you can't give lift.
I was maneuvered to give lift to a child who is attending the same choir practice for a year, which meant that instead of being home at 9:15PM I was back like you describe 20 min later at 9:35

If you add to that 10 min drive to pick them all up - I was always leaving home 8:50 - and was gone for 45 min

This year I said - sorry, can't do it, It make me ill to say no - but I am glad I did as evenings on workdays are so short

TigerSwallowTail · 02/06/2013 02:01

Has she asked you to take her home afterwards?

zebrafinch · 02/06/2013 02:18

This would annoy me. Not the paying by credit card but expecting you to pay for the car park and the petrol. I can understand people being frugal
With their money when they are struggling financially but being a miser is something different. They are misers.

lollilou · 02/06/2013 02:51

Do you like her? Do you want her as a friend?
If the answer is yes then just carry on, some people have different ways of living their lives. As long as she is not scrounging off you and you enjoy her company live and let live I say.

ChasedByBees · 02/06/2013 03:01

YABU about the background but YANBU to say no to doing something which inconveniences you when the other person can do it for themselves but finds it easier to get you to do it. Unless you want to offer. Would it become a regular lift? I'd say no to that. The rest is irrelevant.

zebrafinch · 02/06/2013 03:25

YANBU, leave this couple to enjoy their money by themselves. Do not get sucked into their lives as you will be financially supporting them, they appear to be not givers but takers. Find friends who share your values .

quickdowntonson · 02/06/2013 07:59

I agree with Zebra. YANBU.
They sound like misers, and are taking advantage of you by asking you to drive her everywhere. Why are you splitting car parking charges? You drive, so she should offer to pay for the car park! Surely that's only polite!
If you live close by to the Friday meeting, then you should walk. Tell her that you want the exercise! Mr mean can jolly well puck her up.

quickdowntonson · 02/06/2013 08:01

Pick not puck!!

HollyBerryBush · 02/06/2013 08:08

You don't get rich by throwing your money away.

She's frugal.

But there is a fine dividing line between frugal and taking the piss.

Thymeout · 02/06/2013 08:33

I really don't see what's wrong with using her M&S card to pay for a pot of tea. Why was it embarrassing? Lots of people do this. The points add up and the store prefers this method of payment. I've even seen people pay for a coffee in Starbucks on their cards.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 02/06/2013 08:41

She's not mean, she's careful with money. Wealthy people very often are. It's not weird or embarrassing to pay for coffee or the suchlike by card though. I always use my card because I hate having cash on me. Confused

nowahousewife · 02/06/2013 08:46

I'm v curious as to what the Friday night meetings are . . . . .

zebrafinch · 02/06/2013 08:49

"You don't get rich by throwing your money away"

I have a lot of admiration and respect for those who are trying to dig themselves out of a financial hole and economise and tighten their belts
BUT
This couple ARE already wealthy, they eat the cheapest food, they "collect" plastic hangers free with clothes they subsequently return, the woman begrudges giving old clothes to charity, she let the OP regularly pay car parking and petrol when she was being given a lift
COME ON ...they are MISERS
OP steer clear, let them be happy counting their money.
I can imagine what it is like being one of their tenants!