To be totally fed up with Mrs Mean?

[poorpaws]

I met Mini Mean 18 months ago at a local Fri night meeting. After a few months she asked if we could go out for lunch which we have been doing at least once (sometimes twice) a week since. Mini Mean does not drive due to health reasons.

Background - Mini Mean is very wealthy. Max Mean (husband) has a top job, they live in a big house, have 8 other houses which they rent out and last year Mini Mean's mum left her a large bungalow and a tremendous amount of money. Max Mean is the most mean of the two. He will drive around town all day rather than pay for a car park and goes EVERY night to EVERY supermarket for cheap nearly out of date food. Mini Mean wont give clothes to charity shops as she can get £5 a bag at the clothing bank (which she says she has to have so she can put the money to new clothes).

Mini Mean ALWAYS uses her M&S credit card to buy EVERYTHING because she gets points and vouchers every 3 months which she then spends at M&S Outlet Stores. She buys a lot of clothes from M&S Outlet Stores, asks for the hangers and then takes most or all of them back (minus hangers). Last week I was very embarrassed as she paid for a pot of tea (in M&S cafe) by credit card. I told her I would have given her the cash if I'd known and she opened her purse which was full of change and just commented that she wanted the points on her card.

When I first met her I paid for the car park until I realised how mean she was and now we pay half each (unless she has no change).

The Fri night meetings are now going to be shorter so she's asked if we can go for coffee afterwards and I'm pretty sure its because she wants a lift home. I live 2 mins up the road from the meeting and she is another 10 mins after that, so a round trip of about 20 mins for me. Mr Mean has always picked her up before but I can't help thinking that he will be out doing his supermarket nightly bargain hunt and she would rather use my petrol than his.

AIBU to think I should just go home after our Fri night meeting and just take her out once a week? Or am I being petty? Apart from her being mean (which she seems to enjoy telling me about and I'd rather not know) we do have a laugh and most of my friends live 400 miles away so I suppose it's Mrs Mean or nobody.
First post on this so please be gentle with me.
Posting now before I delete.

What's the Friday nights for?

They sound so tight it's unbelievable.

A lot of your post is irrelevant and none of your business. Not sure why you care if she used her card or her husband gets bargains.
Also, she hasn't actually asked you to drive yet, has she? I would start walking to the meetings if I were you. Tgen she cant ask fir a lift. Unless there's a reason you don't? cos driving 2 minutes and paying for parking sounds odd unless there's a reason.

A lot of your post is irrelevant and none of your business. Not sure why you care if she used her card or her husband gets bargains.
Also, she hasn't actually asked you to drive yet, has she? I would start walking to the meetings if I were you. Tgen she cant ask fir a lift. Unless there's a reason you don't? cos driving 2 minutes and paying for parking sounds odd unless there's a reason.

Why don't you go home without giving her a lift and cut down on the lunches. I think you'll feel better for it. She's a mrs mean, alright.

Wow, people think she's not mean. They're misers.

OP I know a couple like this though its more her than him. He has a very high paying job but she got made redundant a couple of years ago so relies on him to support he and children - not a problem on his earnings think 200k at a guess but maybe more.

However she buys everything she can reduced, buys virtually all children's clothes in charity shops or ebay and is generally very frugal. She really does not need to be. We were talking once and she told me she's very very careful with money as her father who was very well off went bank rupt whne she was 14 and it seriously affected her life (e.g pulled out of private school, stopped out of school activities, clothes suddenly second hand rather than new etc. etc.)

Don't judge too heavily there may be some deep rooted reason for their frugality

If your meeting is only two minutes away.. walk.

Sounds fairly average.

Frugality is fine (if a bit of a waste, give me your money if you don't use it ) when it's about being sensible with money. But it is miserly to take advantage of those less well off than you and have them carry you just to save you a bit of money or bother.

Good point about others who really need reduced items to get by and charity shop stuff too.

I know what you mean. I have known a few people who so petty and grabbing over every penny and they stress about trying to save money here there and everywhere - which I totally understand and applaud if you are hard up, but these people haven't been, and I just think life must surely be too bloody short sometimes. The amount of effort that goes into trying to save a relatively small amount of money just does not warrant the stress and the time that has gone into it.

I disagree about the credit card points though - it makes sense to use them if she is accumulating valuable points, and she probably pays off her entire balance every month. We do that too. If she is managing to make money out if it or get free airmiles flights or whatever then good luck to her.

But don't let yourself be used. She can afford taxis or learn to drive.

Squeaky is right, walk there and then the question doesn't arise.

therealfellatio to be fair to Mrs. Mean the OP did say that she does not drive for medical reasons so she can't learn to drive

OP i think it would be a shame to lose the friendship, it's not like she's mean and stingy with you and always gets you to pay-she pays her own way. But you shouldn't have to drive anyone home (though tbh sounds like she hasn't asked) but you can always pre-empt that idea with a swift 'it would be lovely to catch up afterwards and your DH knows where I live and is welcome in for a coffee when he comes to get you if he likes?'

Also you never know why people are tight with money, someone i know who is very tight with money (and is extremely wealthy) actually grew up so poor she often had very bad feet from wearing too tight shoes because he parents tried to get as much wear out as possible and as she got older and realised they had no money she would pretend they fit fine so they didn't get stressed. She's really scared she'll end up like that again or have to put her kids through it and so can come across very miserly to some.

You sound like you don't like her in which case don't be friends.

She doesn't sound mean to me just careful. I probably drive my friends potty but I too like a bargain and will pay with my cashback credit card if I can... and will use vouchers on meals out to reduce the cost for everyone.

My Dad does the supermarket bargain thing.. quite honestly I don't understand how he can be bothered but he loves it especially when he invites the extended family round for sunday dinner and it only cost about 2p / person!

Is her husband controlling her which is why she wants a lift home or does she genuinely want your company?

Wow, where to begin.

I think I emphasised her meanness too much in my post just to put you in the picture. It was great at first, we laughed a lot, but as I've got to know her more she just goes on and on and on about not wasting money. I do like her but I think we all change as we get to know people better and we meet more of the real person. I too have a credit card and use it lots but I thought holding up a long queue when it was only for a pot of tea (when she had money with her) was a bit much and someone further down the queue said so (that's just my opinion).

I don't mind paying half the car park at all. Petrol money is never mentioned (and most weeks I drive her to a place about 45 mins away) but it's my car so I just pay. (She made me laugh on two occasions when I owed her 5p and she told me it would pay for the petrol).

The meetings aren't at all relevant reallying, it's just a place where people with mobility problems go and chat. We both have mobility problems hence why I use the car for a 2 min drive (although on reflection it's probably a bit more than 2 mins in the car).

She doesn't actually ask for a lift but walks towards my car and gets in which again makes me smile. She is always saying her husband will fetch her but he never once has. I just think it's another way for them to save money. I'm ok about it all really, I think I was a bit grumpy last night as I don't want to be taken for granted and other friends have said she might not be so friendly if I didn't have a car.

Thanks for your thoughts.

there is a difference between frugality and being a miser. There is nothing wrong with using credit cards, vouchers and looking for a bagain but this has gone too far. This couple have an unhealthy relationship with money which is affecting their personal relationships with others. the Op is totally fed up with their meanness,. Being "careful" by sponging off your friends and acquaintances and taking delight in every penny scavenged is not an attractive trait, paricularly when they own 9 houses, have a top job income, multiple rental income and have a massive inheritance

She walks towards your car and gets in!!!!!!!'

X post above.
mrs Mean is not "paying her own way"
why are people making excuses for her?

OP trust your gut feelings here . You do not share the same values.

Paying with a card these days hardly takes longer than paying cash though, and how did the queue complainer know how much she was paying for anyway? Hardly seems AIBU-worthy behaviour.

Oh ok I missed that she couldn't drive for medical reasons.

If I feel like being subjected to smug-o-rama about how wealthy and frugal some other woman is, I can come on here any time. I suspect some of the posters I am thinking of aren't real, mind you

ANYWAY, if your friend does go on about money and scrimping all the time, I would find a different friend, really.

Walking to your car and getting in is unacceptable. Sorry.

I don't drive for medical reasons. It is beyond infurating at times but I take buses or if they're not available taxis. After all I'm not paying for petrol, insurance, parking, road tax or the car itself. Lots my my friends offer me lifts which I sometimes gratefully accept but the clue is in the word offer. Its not their job to transport me about. Very rarely if I'm desperate I'll ask but those times are few and far between. It wouldn't dawn on me to just get into someones car and wait to be driven.

Next time drive to your house, get out and when she objects say "oh sorry I jsut assumed you wanted a cup of coffee here before your husband picks you up"