Have I made a mistake? Breastfeeding in front of child.

[Thingiebob]

I have a three week old I am breastfeeding. I didn't bf my first child so this is all quite new to me. It's been hard but I have persevered and now it seems to be working out quite well.

I am still quite nervous about doing it in public. Today I did it at a barbecue and no-one batted and eyelid. Great, I thought and it increased my confidence. Later today a neighbour's DD was at my house saying hello to the baby. Child is about ten/eleven. I really needed to feed the baby so I asked her to leave.
She asked to stay and responded by saying 'I won't look' when I told her I would be breastfeeding. I said 'two mins' then I sat down, and started feeding,

The girl started asking me loads of questions and it quickly became clear that she had some issues with it. She asked what breastfeeding actually was, why was I doing it and so on. I tried to explain. She seemed really surprised that breasts were for feeding, and claimed she had never heard of it before despite her earlier comment about not looking. Then she asked me if I 'let my husband watch' and 'Why have you not closed the curtains?' Again I tried to explain that it was my house and it is natural etc... but clearly the girl was becoming quite uncomfortable. I asked her as much and she nodded and looked like she was about to cry. Then she made her excuses and ran out of the house.

I feel really upset and shaky about it this incident. Have I just exposed myself to a child and traumatised them?! I KNOW I haven't really done anything wrong but I feel awful at upsetting a child. In the past this girl has made comments that indicate that she has been taught her body is dirty and has made odd comments about other families on the street. About them being 'paedos' and other comments about incestuous relations. I've dismissed them but have wondered what she is being taught at home and if it is age appropriate. She comes from a large family with younger siblings just as a bit of background.

Why do I feel so upset about this? Have I made a big mistake feeding in front of this girl?

Alis I worry about the same thing.

I really needed to feed the baby so I asked her to leave.

But you gave out the first vibe that BF is a private thing.

sock yes, another concern of mine. Have I been really silly to let her in the house and made myself vulnerable?

Holly maybe I did. I told her I needed to feed the baby and then I was going to have a nap. She asked if she could feed the baby and I told her I was breastfeeding. It was then she said she wouldn't look.

Well to be perfectly blunt only if her parents are total twats.

But any reasonable person under those circumstances wouldn't bat an eyelid kids are always inviting themselves into my house,I usually say run and ask mum/dad first and if they say yes then its fine.

But it does sound like her parents are drama llamas who enjoy spreading sex offences type crap about perfectly innocent things.just in future make sure if she comes to see the baby its not private from the street or she's not isolated from her friends keeping the door open sitting in view of a window helps with that it protects you without you appearing to be punishing the girl iykwim.

Its also totally possible that if she has additional needs and her parents withdrew her from phse they may have recently given her a fire and brimstone type lesson about private places on bodies and not showing hers and if anyone try's to show her theirs its abuse as some parents do go a bit manic about this type of thing and just neglected to tell her about the primary function of body parts or she hasn't quite understood the info.

I actually feel quite concerned for this girl and the way she spoke about paedos and incestuous relations...

Also the "does he watch?" and "have you closed the curtains?"

Her apparent distress makes me wonder just what is going on in her home... .

OP, you have done nothing wrong. Please don't feel you have. Rather, I think you have witnessed that something in you breastfeeding your baby, a natural and normal act, has triggered a disturbed reaction from this young girl.

Whether this be because of negative messages about the female body or actual sexual abuse it's not really clear.

But something feels a bit off about this interaction you describe and I wouldn't wonder that you were also left feeling somewhat disturbed by it.

I've continued to go to Brownies each week so have ended up feeding DS 1 and now 2 there. I make sure I wear layers with my uniform to keep it discrete. Sometimes I get questions which I answer simply but honestly. If the girls ask about how I feed my babies, I tell them with "mummy milk". It very quickly becomes normal to them and ceases to attract their attention. I was on Pack Holiday with them last week, and being 6 weeks old, DS 2 needed feeding frequently.
When I had DS1, I talked about feeding with the Guider in Charge, and we agreed it's a normal, natural function of the female body, and as an organisation for girls, run by women, it was appropriate to feed there as necessary.

You weren't unreasonable. You gave the child chance to go, she chose to stay. You answered questions. It sounds like she's been fed paranoid attitudes. Hopefully the experience will be of benefit to her in the long run.

I'm a confident feeder and do it all over the place. For some time I was doing it on the bottom step of a double decker bus regularly as the school children were always engrossed in the latest gossip or just too teenagery to move and give me a seat.

Breastfeeding isn't some weird cult you should feel ashamed of. If the girl made you feel like she thought that then that is the fault of her upbringing and you should feel as sorry for her as if she'd asked you what vegetables were.

If she does have additional needs - although there's nothing in your posts that make me think she does - it's entirely possible her parents are working hard on keeping her body private type issues. You then feeding may have made her very confused. this is not your fault or your problem but with some children things have to be taught in a very black and white way, eg we don't show our bodies to other people.

My aunt bf and my own mum and GM used to comment about it all the time. I then found it really awkward to be around her - becAuse in my eyes she was doing something 'wrong'. But I have to say, when it came to bfing my own chid my aunt was my hero and role model, so please try not to worry.

In some communities breastfeeding is not common or if done, is always done behind closed doors, curtains closed not in front of even your own sister. Women who live in high rise tower blocks will even close the curtains in the middle of the day when breastfeeding in the bedroom. She may come from a family where exposing the breasts is considered taboo and breastfeeding is not seen as acceptable.

Girls in some families are not given good sex education, may be taken out of the classes and are taught of the breasts as something purely sexual 'for your husband'. It may be that anyone who does things differently is seen as a 'Paedo' and viewed with suspicion. Families where they are comfortable seeing each other nude could easily be viewed as incestuous to someone who is taught that this is wrong.

I had to do some research on communities where breastfeeding is considered taboo and discovered that Irish Traveller families fall into this category. Although I have to say, there was not much information available on this and I would be happy to hear any differing stories.

Hi

I have been bf for 4 years in total with two children and I have never been asked by other children what im doing. I have feed in soft play centres, swimmimg pools at the beach so in front of lots of children.

If I was asked questions I would answer with as much fact and honesty as possible that was age appreate.

you handled the situation correctly.

I think you need to talk to the mum to say what happened as the message you give might have been misunderstood by the girl. That bf is sexual and not just normal.

This is why there are so many issues and problems with breast feeding. Because we don't see it as children and it is not considered the normal usual way to feed a child.

Consider yourself a breastfeeding ambassador! You have definitely done nothing wrong.

Interesting post Fanny...

To me, the girl's comments pointed to some kind of disturbance regarding nudity and sexuality... hence my concern.

However, from what you say, within some communities this kind of thinking may be cultural.

I hadn't really considered that and you may be correct... does this make any sense of the situation for you OP?

You did absolutely nothing wrong and I'd never ever have a problem with my children witnessing it either!!!

Her reaction was however worrying but that's obviously down to what she's picking up at home or wherever. It has nothing to do with seeing you breast feed.

Please stop worrying you honestly did nothing wrong.

Gosh, of course you've done nothing wrong.

The girls questions though!

Both my children were bfed & they know.

I'm sure they'd have no interest in deliberately watching it happen though, or be peturbed if it did iyswim.

Just to add to everyone else's comments you be done nothing wrong.

I am currently bf DD2 (DC3) and have fed everywhere, including in front of scouts & guides on camps. If the guides/scouts are curious I answer their questions honestly. I have been asked why I'm not feeding my baby properly (ie bottles) which prompted a very interesting debate at a guide meeting about what was normal.

My other DC's are 4 & 3 and try and feed DD2 their 'DS' or 'DD' milk, and also feed their toys.

It saddens me that bf is seen as 'abnormal' and people are ashamed to be seen doing it.

Both mine were EBF.
No one except my FIL and one of DH mates ever had a problem with it, including the hordes of children that were invariably around chez Scarlett.
The men in question would stare at the ceiling in case, god forbid, they saw my DC having lunch, and practically rush into the next room, squeaking " hi Katie" as they fled.
Oh how I used to laugh...

Another voice saying you have done nothing wrong.

I remember staying with my in-laws and feeding DD in the kitchen. MIL had friends over and the four year old grandson asked in amazement what I was doing. So I told him and answered his questions (Does it taste nice? I hope so. Does it hurt? YES!! Oh no, not at all).

His mother then told him that he had been fed that way and he asked her if he could again.

A few months ago one of my goddaughter s was gawping at a mum and baby the baby was having a bottle.

She poked me in the shoulder a stage whispered " what is that baby doing"

She had never seen a baby bottle before and rather liked the idea she wanted to go and ask the mum if she could give the baby a bottle. But she is only little and does not really socialise much hence why she has never seen it.