Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to wrap dds in cotton wool

28 replies

pouffepants · 01/06/2013 19:35

Dd2 is almost 7. She has ridden a scooter for about 4 years.

I took the girls out on their scooters just now, and inexplicably the front wheel jammed and she flew off, and she now has bleeding knees. That's one of those things, right?

Except dh has flown off the handle now about the fact she should have had knee pads on. This is a frequent hobby horse of his, but a) he has never attempted to get some and b) his other frequent hobby horse, is complaining that kids are so mollycoddled and feeble nowadays.

I always make the kids wear helmets on their bikes, but beyond that I'm really not messing around every time they ride their scooters into the village. He says I won't do anything until one's in a coma. And has then reminded me that his friend's brother was killed on his bike and he cares for someone who was knocked off their bike and has a brain injury.

Over-reacting much?? We were on the pavement of a cul-de-sac when it happened.

I'm getting pretty sick of this, he's the world's worst helicopter parent with dd2 especially and is there ready to catch when she's on a climbing frame. Or suggests that even with helmets and pads, they should really only ride bikes on grass or the beach.

This is a bloke who frequently reminds us of his idyllic upbringing in the back streets of Harpurhey.

And now he's basically told the girls that scooters are just too dangerous, and told me I'm a crap mum for letting them ride them, let alone without safety gear. FFS!!

OP posts:
CocacolaMum · 01/06/2013 19:38

Yes he is overreacting, yes I can see why. That doesn't make him right but it does make him the one who has to tell dd why she cannot ride her scooter (which imo is a normal child thing to do)

pouffepants · 01/06/2013 19:42

He's the sahp, and basically never lets them ride bikes/scooters, and absolutely no way roller skates with him.

So I have to take them out in the evenings when I get back, it's become quite a big deal that they look forward to. But I seriously don't need this shit. He's gone out in a big huff now, having more-or-less given the girls the impression that I don't give a monkeys about them.

OP posts:
monicalewinski · 01/06/2013 19:49

YANBU. My 2 boys have had so many bumps, scrapes, grazes etc etc I've lost count. Just like you said, it's all part of growing up - you've got to fall off your scooter doing daft tricks to realise the daft tricks are going to get you hurt! (I know your girl wasn't doing tricks though, just an example!). I don't know how to get this across to your husband, but I just wanted to say YOU ARE RIGHT!!

lljkk · 01/06/2013 19:51

I strongly recommend long trousers, but otherwise with you OP.
Taking risks and even coming the occasional cropper is good for children, it teaches them how to manage risk. Important for self confidence, too.

CloudsAndTrees · 01/06/2013 20:57

If your DH has experienced the worst of what can happen, then it's understandable that he's over protective, but that doesn't make him right.

Bleeding knees are part of childhood, it would actually be very sad if a child never had the opportunity to fall off a bike or a scooter.

I don't know how you are going to make it happen, but your DH needs to stop telling his children that normal things are dangerous otherwise he will create a very unhealthy fear of life in them, which can end up being quite damaging to their emotional well being. The next time you have the opportunity to, I would talk to your dds about this and help them to understand why their dad feels this way so that they can make their own healthy choices about things.

FreyaSnow · 01/06/2013 21:11

I've never seen a child on a scooter wearing knee pads. I've never heard of a child that only rode their bike on grass.

UniS · 01/06/2013 21:13

scabby knees is NORMAL for 7 year olds.

Sirzy · 01/06/2013 21:18

And has then reminded me that his friend's brother was killed on his bike and he cares for someone who was knocked off their bike and has a brain injury.

I think that rather explains his concerns about the issue doesn't it? When you have seen the worst side of something then it is easy to get overly concerned about it. I am not saying he is right but I can see where he is coming from.

squoosh · 01/06/2013 21:20

YANBU.

He needs to get a grip, a childhood without scabs is a childhood unlived.

TheSecondComing · 01/06/2013 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flobbadobs · 01/06/2013 22:48

DD wore knee pads while scooting once. She flew down a hill at top speed, of course fell off and skinned her hip. Kneepads did bugger all to stop that one...
YANBU, he needs to back off, however hard it must be for him, he's in danger of making fear a normal part of your DC's lives.

MissTapestry · 01/06/2013 22:54

How on earth could anybody ride a bike on the beach?? Grin

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 01/06/2013 22:55

Awful things happen, and your DH seems to be scared by having known people who were killed and horribly injured in freak accidents, which has given him an understandable hang up.

However part of being a decent parent is not letting our irrational hangups (however understandable) mess our kids up! He needs to accept the risk is a tiny one in comparison to all the myriad of risks children encounter every day (including the risks associated with not being allowed to be physically active and have fun outdoors).

His background explains but does not excuse his irrational response, and your attitude is absolutely the healthy one - YANBU

FatherSpodoKomodo · 01/06/2013 22:57

My ds fell off his scooter and bumped his head, so I made him wear a helmet. A couple of days later he fell over while walking and bumped his head again!

Then he wasn't looking where he was going while scooter ring and rode into a wall and despite wearing said helmet still managed to get a bump!

They're always going to get bumps and grazes (and sometimes worse) YANBU to let them learn that these things happen and to just get up and try again.

Maybe his parents should remind him about his idyllic childhood, bet it was full of scrapes and not full of knee pads and helmets!

jammiedonut · 01/06/2013 23:31

He does sound a tad overprotective, that being said I always make my nephew wear a helmet when riding a scooter or bike as he is travelling at much higher speed than if he were just walking. Knee pads are a bit over the top though!

pouffepants · 02/06/2013 13:11

Thesecondcoming - I have been to Harpurhey (not sure why that's relevant), but not the bit he was from since it's Victorian terraces that are now demolished as uninhabitable. By saying it was idyllic, I mean that he accepts that it was very rough, but actually his tough childhood was the best thing for him, and he just got on with it. Strangely at odds with his overprotective nature. I get the reticence over bikes and am sensitive to this, but he's like this with everything. Surely someone who played in the gutters in Manchester shouldn't find riding a scooter on a suburban pavement hazardous?

Jammiedonut - his parents died when he was 20, which of course is very sad for him. It does frustrate me however that I can never ask for feedback about his childhood, because honestly you'd think he'd never done anything wrong/immature. He is under the impression that he never had a mishap in his life, and because our kids do they are extremely clumsy and need protecting.
Incidentally he's also never been sick, so because the kids vomit occasionally there must be something wrong with them.

Misstapestry - precisely! When I was teaching dd1 to ride a bike, he insisted I do it on the beach. OMG impossible, the wheels just sink and seize up. So I went back to tarmac, and had to put up with him majorly stropping every time i took her out. She came out of this situation unscathed, and rides a bike well, despite having muscle problems.

This didn't stop him doing exactly the same when I was teaching dd2 (who doesn't have any physical problems). In fact he was worse for dd2, and kept saying it was because she was so lacking in confidence. Wonder why that would be then?

OP posts:
pouffepants · 02/06/2013 13:11

Oh and she rides a bike fine now too.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 02/06/2013 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 02/06/2013 14:02

Has he ever heard of anyone who's died in a car crash? Does he still take them in the car?

FarBetterNow · 02/06/2013 14:08

He is BU.

I remember watching an over protected 5 year old climb a climbing frame.
She didn't have a clue how to do it.
To be honest, I thought she was physically disabled - sorry, I don't mean to cause offence by that.

But the point is she had never been allowed on them, in case she fell.

pouffepants · 02/06/2013 14:12

That's why I find it so odd. I had a middleclass upbringing in Cornwall, and find scrapes and grazes normal.

He lived in inner city slums and finds everything a drama. He's still saying periodically 'have you SEEN how bad her knee is? I've even had to put a plaster on it.' Dd2 ripped the plaster off after about an hour, and the scab looks clean and dry.

He's at it again now. He was just mopping in the kitchen, and dd2 went in to put her cup in the sink. He didn't hear her so turned and accidentally hit her slightly with the mop. She's not hurt or even bothered, but he's now going mad again that it's too dangerous having the kids going in and out of the kitchen and shouldn't we put safety gates up again. Which I got rid of about 4 years ago.

He also moans at me if I go into the kitchen unannounced too. Apparently I should loudly say every time I go in.

OP posts:
iamadoozermum · 02/06/2013 14:22

Ah bless, sounds a but like my dad who always has his risk sensors turned onto maximum and still frets about me, my Dsis and my DC constantly which can make spending time with him quite unpleasant. It actually now makes him ill and prone to anxiety so you might want to watch out for that. Letting go and lettting them get hurt (both physically and emotionally, but age appropriately) are a big part of being a parent and I think you are being totally reasonable.

Do you think there is anyway you could get through to him the points made by cloudsandtrees and flobbadobs about it not actually being the best thing for them in the long term?

GoingGoingGoth · 02/06/2013 14:30

My DH is similar (not as bad) I just ignore him, although I have offered to roll DD up in her quilt of that would make him happy.

YANBU they need to learn to take risks, not saying I don't feel sick when she gets to the top of the climbing frame, but I have to be the one who lets her take risks.

pouffepants · 02/06/2013 14:31

Those are exactly the arguments I've been making to him for literally years now. And if we have a sensible discussion in an evening he will absolutely agree with me.

But if it comes to an actual situation in day to day life he's off on one again. And once we have a situation, literally everything for a few days is a humungous hazard, which does my head in.

OP posts:
sjuperyoni · 02/06/2013 14:34

I'd bash him with the kettle.

Ok, maybe not but good god he sounds a major pita and an utter downer - your poor dds! ''No darling you can't have fun you might get hurt Shock'' i.e i love you sooooo much i'm going to smother you and make your childhood bloody miserable Hmm