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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to keep my rings post split

55 replies

TenbyChristmas · 01/06/2013 14:19

I've split with my husband in March, his decision, I'd've fought for my marriage til the death, however, he has asked for my engagement and wedding rings back. I refused, on the grounds that he was ending the marriage and not me. Furthermore, I adore them and though I don't wear them anymore I couldn't bear to part with them. They are both very valuable. (Combined about 4k) I occasionally do a Charlotte from sex and the city and wear them for a while at home.... But to me they are symbols of vows I took that I kept, richer poorer sickness health... I want to keep them. AIBU?

OP posts:
juneybean · 01/06/2013 14:20

As far as I know, they're yours to keep!

TidyDancer · 01/06/2013 14:22

Are they family rings from his side of the family?

Those are the only circumstances I can think of in which I would give them back.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 01/06/2013 14:24

It is usual to keep gifts.

I think given he's ending the marriage he's got some brass neck there, too!

tigermoll · 01/06/2013 14:24

judge judy always says that, once the marriage has taken place, the rings are yours. YANBU

scaevola · 01/06/2013 14:26

I'd keep them.

The only ones I would return are heirlooms from his family, or valuable items given during an engagement if the marriage did not in the end take place. Neither seems to apply to you.

badtime · 01/06/2013 14:27

It's not a nice way to look at it, but the wedding is the 'transaction' (like a purchase) that makes the rings yours. It is considered good form to return an engagement ring if the wedding hasn't happened, but as it has, the rings are yours.

StuntGirl · 01/06/2013 14:31

If you want to keep them then do so.

ihearsounds · 01/06/2013 14:50

The engagement ring Section 3(2) of the Law Reform (Miscellaneous Provisions) Act 1970 says that an engagement ring is presumed to be an absolute gift from one person to another unless it can be shown that it was intended to go back to the giver if the marriage doesn?t take place, for example if the ring was a family heirloom.

Read more: www.rfcfamily.co.uk/divorce-uk-jewellery/#ixzz2UyKtwI69

SO I would assume the same would be for the wedding ring and I would tell him to jog on.

HollyBerryBush · 01/06/2013 14:52

They are yours to keep, they were gifts.

Unless You're Kate Cornwall, in which case I'd get shot of the dead MILs handed down monstrosity PDQ.

BeeMom · 01/06/2013 14:57

The engagement/wedding rings are the modern version of a dowry or bride price. The cost to enter into the contract of marriage.

He is out of luck. Keep them. You owe him nothing (and I respect you for trying so hard). Even if he tried to pursue it legally, he would lose.

Belugagrad · 01/06/2013 15:04

He is being u for even asking

IneedAsockamnesty · 01/06/2013 15:06

Its not considered good form to return an engagement ring unless that ring was accepted with no intention of marriage or its a family heirloom.

People often give them back if they personally do something intentionally that prevents the marriage taking place but other that that its not a good form thing.

Either way you actually did get married so tell him to bugger off there yours.

rabbitlady · 01/06/2013 15:07

keep. he's a silly person. my ex asked for the engagement ring back, but as he'd given it to me as a birthday present, he didn't have a hope.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/06/2013 15:09

Do you have DC together. One compromise would be that they go to your mutual DC on your death so they stay in the family. Although I think he wants them to sell or give to someone else, wanker.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 01/06/2013 15:11

Personally I'd keep mine but I would have them redesigned into a piece that I could wear without them looking like wedding/engagement rings.

LineRunner · 01/06/2013 15:14

I had to really think about who Kate Cornwall was then.

They were gifts, for you to keep.

Mosman · 01/06/2013 15:19

They are yours to keep. I'm am selling mine to find a trip to bali I think, or maybe make the diamonds into three pendants for my daughters, don't think they want them though really - bad mojos - undecided.

FringeEvent · 01/06/2013 15:20

Who is Kate Cornwall? Confused

LineRunner · 01/06/2013 15:24

Middleton.

mirai · 01/06/2013 15:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NorthernLurker · 01/06/2013 15:26

He's asking for them back? What a nerve!

YANBU. He is being a git.

Allalonenow · 01/06/2013 15:31

Legally both rings are yours to keep, so on no account return them to him.
He sounds like a greedy entitled arse, so be very careful what you agree to, as he will be out to rip you off.

FringeEvent · 01/06/2013 15:33

Oh. Why 'Cornwall'? Never heard her called by that name before.

FringeEvent · 01/06/2013 15:38

(Sorry for the thread tangent - curiosity got the better of me.)

Tenby I'd keep the rings if I were you (assuming they're not heirlooms from his family) - you have every right to hang on to them.

Badvoc · 01/06/2013 15:38

I would sell them and go to New York for a city break :)