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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to be pissed off and hurt that he left?

64 replies

Tequilatequila · 31/05/2013 21:41

Im being induced today. Had the 24 hr pessary this morning and crampy pains started to worsen around 5ish. Midwife made it clear that he could stay. Its my first and i dont really want to be alone. Even though im not in labour yet i have no idea when things will happen and he has gone home to "get a good nights sleep"

Aibu to be utterly pissed off that hes left after saying i diddnt really want to be on my own and knowing i probably wont get a good nights sleep? I just feel really hurt.

OP posts:
PrettyKitty1986 · 31/05/2013 21:46

In the nicest way possible, you may be a tad over sensitive, which is understandable.

It is probably best for him to go home...being induced doesn't mean that you will give birth today, or even tomorrow. It took 8 failed inductions before ds1 was born.

If anything starts to happen, you can phone him.

littlemissgiggles79 · 31/05/2013 21:47

Aw you must be really worried :(

I.don't think you're unreasonable. Xx

littlemissgiggles79 · 31/05/2013 21:48

^I know id be terrified and want a friendly face.

Original poster
Tequilatequila · 31/05/2013 21:48

I know i wont give birth tonight.. i just dont want to be sitting here while the pain worsens while hes at home not giving a fuck. Or so it seems

OP posts:
treas · 31/05/2013 21:49

YABalittlebitU - it could be hours and hours before anything 'properly' happens and it is so boring for the significant other to be hanging around. To be honest he'd more than likely drive you insane.

I was in a similar situation with my first dc - I found it easier without dh around until I was ready to deliver.

cogitosum · 31/05/2013 21:49

I know logically it could be ages but I think I'd feel the same as you. Hope it all goes well

Binkybix · 31/05/2013 21:49

YANBU.

LuisSuarezTeeth · 31/05/2013 21:51

Oh love, I do understand, been there myself. You are going to be absolutely fine you know? Here's my hand, so excited for you. Sleep as much as you can and accept all drugs if that is acceptable or available. Xxx

BreasticlesNTesticles · 31/05/2013 21:51

It should have been your call imo. I didn't want DH there overnight when I knew nothing would happen as I was off my head on pethadine but if you wanted him there he should have stayed.

Chin up hugs

RhinoSaturday · 31/05/2013 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BreasticlesNTesticles · 31/05/2013 21:52

By the way, for the cramping, this is when a warm bath comes into it's own. I spent the majority of my second labour swishing water around in my nice bath before I went in.

InsanelyBrainDeprived · 31/05/2013 21:53

Yanbu as long as you made it clear you wanted him to stick around. If you said it was ok for him to go home and sleep then yab a little u.

I still harbour resentment towards my dh got doing the exact same thing...he only made it back ten mins before I gave birth and I asked him to stay with me. Tbf he wanted to get back for ds1

marriedinwhiteagain · 31/05/2013 21:54

You aren't on your own really there are midwives and staff around. He will be a lot more useful tomorrow and the next day if he gets some sleep while he can. You need to get some rest too. Lights low, nice and quiet, eyes shut, wiggly toes. I'm sure he can get back in a flash if things hot up. Just chill and get all the rest you can - both of you. Better he's had some sleep this time tom (although hopefully you will have your arms full by then) when you might really need him to be o the ball.

Good luck, sleep tight and let us know all about it xxxxx

MissStrawberry · 31/05/2013 21:55

YANBU.

Can you not have gone home if nothing was happening?

Mine slept 2-5am while I laboured and I still tease him he was out of order. I was miffed he was able to sleep but I know he couldn't do a lot.

InsanelyBrainDeprived · 31/05/2013 21:55

Call him and ask him to be with you. He probably doesn't realise you need him their even tho not much is happening in his eyes.

HeffalumpTheFlump · 31/05/2013 21:56

YANBU, if you made it clear that you didn't want to be alone and there is no problem with him staying then he is out of order. Supporting you should be more important than a good nights sleep. I would be really quite upset especially with it being your first dc. My DH better not do this or he may very quickly end up in the dog house.

Good luck and so happy for you that you will soon be meeting your baby. Flowers

InsanelyBrainDeprived · 31/05/2013 21:56

There not their

LuisSuarezTeeth · 31/05/2013 21:57

With it being your first dont be afraid to ask for things - are you in touch by text? Do you want him to come back? Please don't be scared, I know it seems daunting. And it is! But also wonderful Smile

MammaTJ · 31/05/2013 21:57

He is not at home not giving a fuck, he is at home, most likely not sleeping properly and trying to be able to be as strong as he can when you need him to be, so against my very grain of never telling a heavily pregnant woman she is BU, YUBU, just a bit!!!

ballroomblitz · 31/05/2013 21:57

YANBU in that you're probably a little frightened and want support.

Maybe a teeny tiny U as in nothing will be happening for hours probably.

I personally would be a fucked off even though I spent early labour by myself. I remember my Hmm face when dd's dad declared he was sooo tired the night after me having dd and had to sleep. I hadn't slept in nearly two days, been through labour and had a new baby to contend with and breastfeeding to try and establish.

Good luck Tequila. Hope it won't be long for you

peeriebear · 31/05/2013 21:58

I can totally see why you're well, well anoyed with him but this really is a golden opportunity to get some rest yourself. You can just chill, sleep, listen to music, whatever you can do if you're still comfortable. It sounds like he's being heartless but he's just being pragmatic.
Good luck :) xx

TidyDancer · 31/05/2013 21:59

I understand why you're upset, but he will be much more use to you when you actually are in labour if he's had a decent night of sleep. He won't get that in the hospital, no one does.

So I suppose I think you're not unreasonable to feel upset, but I think your DH/DP has made a sensible decision.

You are being ott by saying it means he doesn't care, but you're allowed to be over emotional right now. Grin

You may well get some decent sleep and you are likely to get more of it if someone isn't chattering at you all the time!

LuisSuarezTeeth · 31/05/2013 22:00

Well, whatever his reasons our lovely op is fretting. Can we get her through this??

PurpleBlossom · 31/05/2013 22:00

My the time DD was born we had both been awake for about 48hrs+ and exhausted!!

I was obsessed with DH staying with me and not being left alone and begged the midwives to let him stay, which they did.

DH spent most of the time asleep in the chair next to me, this gave me rage! Angry. However in reality there wasn't much he could do and he probably would have been more use to me of he had gone home and came back fresh in the morning.

Good luck OP Smile

LRDtheFeministDragon · 31/05/2013 22:00

I can see why you feel this way.

There will be someone on here for ages if you want to chat, though? Not a substitute but MN does have a nice core of late-nighters/people on different time zones.

Best of luck to you - we're all here rooting for you, plenty of good vibes coming your way.

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