Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be surprised that parent left their 4 yo in soft play party and went shopping.

37 replies

trackies · 31/05/2013 16:33

I had a birthday party for my 5yo in a soft play area. 3 parents told me they were leaving children and would pick them up later, so i took parents phone numbers. Another parent told me weeks after the party that they had left their 4yo at the party and gone shopping. I looked a bit surprised. But she said it was fine cos the kids can't get out (they can as all that is stopping them is a gate with a latch on and anyone can leave it open accidentally). And she also added that the party only had people from the party (28 kids + over 30 parents so very easy for anyone from outside to come in unnoticed). I'm not going to bring it up with her. It is her child after all, but I was just curious to see if you lot think this is normal ?

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 31/05/2013 16:35

I'd say that's completely unacceptable. A responsible adult needs to be there for every child. She should have let you know taht she was leaving.

VivaLeBeaver · 31/05/2013 16:36

I had a 5th birthday party at a village hall with over 40 kids. Only one parent stayed. The rest went and got pissed in the pub over the road. Grin

I think leaving kids at a party is ok if it's a safe environment and there are enough adults. Whether they go shopping or whatever is irrelevant.

Are you ok with the other parents who left but didn't go shopping?

Sianilaa · 31/05/2013 16:36

Either it's ok to drop and run at a party or it isn't? If you said it was fine for her to leave her child then what does it matter if she went shopping or went home?

Heartbrokenmum73 · 31/05/2013 16:37

Depends on the age of the child and whether the host minds. I wouldn't leave my 4yo DS cos he's a little sod at those places (although getting better) but my 8yo DS I would, if it was ok with the party host.

I was at a soft-play centre with three friends once though, for toddler time, not a party, and a woman came in with two kids aged about 5 and 6, sent them off to play and did not come back before we left. And we were there for another two hours or so!

Idocrazythings · 31/05/2013 16:37

I think it is very odd they didn't tell anyone they had gone, or left contact details. Personally I wouldn't leave my 4 year old at a party, but a lot of people do.

Original poster
trackies · 31/05/2013 16:38

i dont mind if she went shopping. infact shopping is better than going home cos it's near shops. it's the fact that she left and told no one and assumed her child would be fine. that's what i'm asking ?

OP posts:
littlediamond33 · 31/05/2013 16:40

i am prob going to get a backlash for the comment im about to make...when i was a child (im 34)all the parents dropped us children off and came and picked us up when the party had ended.I dont remember ever seeing parents hanging around.

Original poster
trackies · 31/05/2013 16:41

one of the other parents asked DH not me. DH said he can't promise that he'll be able to keep an eye on other parents child as DH was keeping an eye on our 3yo, but parent left his child anyway.

OP posts:
CandidaDoyle · 31/05/2013 16:41

YANBU. She should have told you she was leaving and given you a contact number in case of emergency.

WilsonFrickett · 31/05/2013 16:42

It's completely fine to drop off if the host knows, or at the very least if another parent is staying and will look out for your DC. I have a friend with a same age child and around this age we'd often 'swap' party duties, so she would stay at one and look out for both kids and I'd return the favour next time.

Could the other parent have arranged this OP? If she had literally just dropped and ran with no-one specfically looking out for her child then no, YANBU.

wigglesrock · 31/05/2013 16:43

I've never stayed at a party my children go to at soft play. My 5 year old is at one now.

Unless asked beforehand ie on invite or when replying to invite that there was no need to stay.

I didn't realise anyone stayed at birthday parties until I came on Mumsnet. It's certainly not the norm where I am from about 4 (P1)

BlingLoving · 31/05/2013 16:43

Trackies - I'm with you. I agree that leaving is probably fine, but she should have mentioned it to someone. There was a boy at a party we went to last week whose mum left. He hurt himself and was very upset. But because the mum had told the host she was leaving and how to reach her, they rang her and she came back.

The mum should have said she was giong and provided a contact number.

Original poster
trackies · 31/05/2013 16:44

littlediamond33 i totally understand what you mean. I am in my 40's and things were very different then. But the parties i went to were small numbers (maybe 10 kids) and in people's houses (not in public places). So easier to look after kids and make sure they are safe. I really wouldn't feel comfortable supervising 30 4-5yo's in a public place on my own, when i have a 5yo and 3yo to look after myself.

OP posts:
pizzaqueen · 31/05/2013 16:46

I don't think there's anything wrong with the fact she went shopping. BUT she should have told you she wasn't staying and left her number. Im guessing your issue is that Nobody would've noticed for the duration of the party if that little boy went missing?

usualsuspect · 31/05/2013 16:47

If my 4 year old was happy to stay without me, I'd drop and run like the wind.

usualsuspect · 31/05/2013 16:49

I wouldn't have a party if it couldn't be supervised by me and few helpers.

Original poster
trackies · 31/05/2013 16:51

pizzaqueen exactly ! what if the child goes missing ? tbh. i found it hard to keep an eye on the other 3 but i did check at intervals that they were still at the party.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 31/05/2013 16:52

When dd was 6, she had her party at a soft play and there was one boy who was dropped off without anything being said, we only realised at the end that he"d been left, as it was a big soft play. everybody else either stayed or made it clear that they were leaving.

I always leave a contact number just in case.

Original poster
trackies · 31/05/2013 16:52

usualsuspect i really don't have anyone i can ask to be 'helpers'. but i didn't want my DD to miss out as nearly everyone else has had a class party.

OP posts:
halcyondays · 31/05/2013 16:54

Surely the issue isnt that she went shopping, but that she left without telling you, so you werent aware that you were in charge of him?

zipzap · 31/05/2013 16:55

It would be the fact that they weren't bothered about leaving a contact number that would have annoyed me.

When DS1 had his first party (4th) - it wasn't a big one, he was just at nursery and it was at the local smallish soft play centre, most parents wanted to stay but a couple decided to drop and run. One was because they had older children they had to take on to another party and so were coming back in the middle of the party, left contact numbers etc. The other was a dad who didn't even hand him over to me or DH just shoved him into the room and told him to join in. It was only because he was carrying a present that I knew he was joining our party and managed to catch up with the dad before he left - so did manage to get a contact number from him. And also discovered on asking (but it wasn't volunteered so I wouldn't have known if he'd been in more of a rush and I hadn't had a chance to ask, he seemed put out that I was holding up his escape) that his son was allergic to egg (egg sarnies were one of the things being served for tea, no guarantee that they would be free from cross contamination or indeed that his son wouldn't choose them himself), and that he wasn't toilet trained so needed someone to remind him to go to the loo and to help him whilst there. oh and obviously no spare change of clothes in case he had an accident while his dad wasn't there.

I was so ShockAngry that this dad was so unconcerned about his child's health (the place where the party was held was pretty much the only local venue and so people knew what to expect from the food, he had definitely been there before), and wasn't bothered about leaving a contact number. Plus he would have been happy for us to be sorting out his son and clearing up any mess made if he had had an accident - just what you want to be doing at your son's birthday party! I'm not blaming the son in any way - just angry that the dad valued his couple of hours of freedom from his son so much more highly than his child's health or respecting the party givers.

Hey ho. and breeeeeeeathe. rant over.

So no, OP, you are definitely NBU to be hacked off with a parent leaving their child unattended, no number and so blase about it all!

lynniep · 31/05/2013 16:55

I think it depends on a few things. In my mind, 5 is an acceptable age for parents to leave. By age 7 I would think it pretty normal for a parent not to hang around (unless doing for for a natter of course) Under 5, I would expect a parent to stay.

I think just leaving without mentioning it when the child in question is just 4 is rude.
All it takes is a quick 'I'm just off to the shops' then you could have said 'would you mind leaving your number' if you didn't know that parent and felt uncomfortable about not having contact details.

In this instance (nearly 30 kids) I think thats common sense, but tbh I would expect any parent of a young child to indicate to me that they weren't hanging around so at least I was aware of it.

Original poster
trackies · 31/05/2013 16:55

halcyondays yes exactly. I dont care if she went shopping, went home, or flew to the moon. Just that no one was keeping an eye on this child, and the assumption by the parent that the child will be fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
trackies · 31/05/2013 16:59

halcyondays - omg i would never leave my non toilet trained child to be cleaned up by another parent.

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 31/05/2013 16:59

Well tbhI would kind of assume the hosts would keep an eye on the children they invited to a party.

But she should have left a contact no.