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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask whether some people really do adore every minute of motherhood?

52 replies

emeraldgirl1 · 30/05/2013 20:02

Met a fellow new mum yesterday who, when I asked how she was finding it all, replied that she 'adored every minute.' She wasn't joking either :)

Now I adore my new baby more than life itself and we have some sublimely wonderful times together. But as anyone who has read any of my plaintive posts recently will know, I am not adoring every minute. I don't adore the sleep deprivation or the feeling that I may never feel like 'myself' again. I miss work and I miss spontaneity. I hated the breastfeding guilt.

It got me thinking, are there really people who do love it so much that they adore every minute?? I am genuinely interested to know as I do get a bit worried sometimes that I am doing it all wrong!!

I could not be happier with or more amazed by my special little bundle but every minute a delight??

Maybe she meant that the moments that are amazing are just so amazing you feel like your heart will burst...??

Can people seriously just love the whole experience that much? Or was it a bit of competitive mothering?

OP posts:

Original poster

emeraldgirl1 · 30/05/2013 20:37

Probably didn't help that she was young and gorgeous come to think of it... And made me feel ancient, frazzled and flabby!!!

OP posts:

Fabalab · 30/05/2013 20:39

No. Please do ask

Mumsyblouse · 30/05/2013 20:40

Some people really just love the baby stage, or have very easy going babies, or just seem to hit their stride with it. I didn't and I had lots of difficult times and tears, with the odd lovely moment (probably at least 10 to 1 bad to good!) But time passed, and I have loved other stages and times, sometimes it all seems to work well and other times your children are unhappy and so are you. I think these ups and downs are normal. I don't think loving every minute would sum up most people's experience of a small baby?

iccarus · 30/05/2013 20:45

Ive got two now and no yanbu. I love most of it but really struggle with sleep deprivation, breastfeeding is hard work. Im not 30 yet and my body is wrecked. Tantrums and whining from the eldest, reflux and wind from youngest. I constantly worry im a crap mum. Having said that i love them both so much,i think they are the most beautiful, funny and generally loveliest little ppl in the world and cant believe they are mine.

C999875 · 30/05/2013 20:45

I adore motherhood. However the baby stage not so much. I was really anxious as it is a worrying time. They can't tell you what they want nor can they tell you what's wrong. If I had my way she would ahve came out as a 2 year old. I adore them at age. I will freely admit I had to grow to love her. My friend was always banging on about this instant bond well perhaps it might have been there for her but it wasn't for me. Now though the sunshines out of my D.D's backside.
Also if it any comfort to you. I didn't breastfeed had no intentions off and nor do/did I feel guilty. My body my rules! xxx

youmeatsix · 30/05/2013 20:47

1st baby? ADORED every moment, and because i was naive, of course EVERY baby is like that lets have more, except no, not every baby was as easy as the 1st and reality set in oddly enough 1st daughter is still the same easy going laid back person, and 2nd is....well...... not!

KD0706 · 30/05/2013 20:48

I love my girls loads and wouldn't be without them. But I definitely don't love every minute. I especially do not love bath and bed time (love my goodnight cuddle though )

Salbertina · 30/05/2013 20:52

I think some people feel they should adore it and so say so, some people get a LOT of help and some people. have an easy baby.
I had the latter last time round and could not believe the difference it made! I actually used to keep quiet when friends moaned about crying/feeding/sleepless nights etc as dc2 was SO easygoing. Still is unlike dc1

arethereanyleftatall · 30/05/2013 20:53

I adore my girls. I love, love, love the best bits and absolutely hate the worst bits.
I would say if its a really new baby, then its possible to adore every minute, if they sleep and feed we'll. But ask her to get back to you in 4 years.

HanShotFirst · 30/05/2013 20:54

Maybe she does truly adore it emerald. I'm sure there are lots of people that do, but there a lots of people who feel how you do, or even worse.

Personally, I love my children and am constantly amazed by them, but it's been hard and I miss so much about my life before children so I muddle on through trying the best I can, and the older they get the more I enjoy them.

I would just shrug it off - she may love it and maybe she truly hate it and is covering it up, and she might not like other stages as they grow up. I have found in the four years I've been a mother, that the less I compare myself to other people, the happier I am.

HopALongMcLimpyLegs · 30/05/2013 20:54

No. The wonderful parts are more wonderful than I could have imagined. The shit parts are really shit.

SirBoobAlot · 30/05/2013 20:55

I adore my son, and love being a mother.

But any parent who pretends that they have never had a moment where they have wanted to scream into a cushion / throw things at the wall / drink before midday is lying through their teeth

Lizzylou · 30/05/2013 20:56

Much as I adore my offspring, no I do not love everything to do with motherhood.

I remember feeling lonely and stifled a lot, I also felt very content a lot of the time.

Mostly my tits hurt and I wanted a shower in peace.

VinegarDrinker · 30/05/2013 20:57

How new is her new baby? A few days old?

C999875 · 30/05/2013 20:58

Youmeatsix. I was the oppersite. As my daughter was such an easy child. I was actually thinking about getting sterillized as I thought well I'd never be blessed with another one like her again and nor would I want to be as all children should be individuals not clones of their siblings.
My friend talked me out of getting sterilised and said one day you might wake up broody and not know why, and she was absolutly right that's what happened. I did suddenly become broody. I really don't know where it came from perhaps it's natures way of telling me it's now or never and I am ttc again.
My D.D is 14 and still never been a problem. xxx

lurcherlover · 30/05/2013 21:05

I adore my children beyond measure. But I don't always love motherhood. I don't love it when 2-year-old DS has screaming meltdowns for an hour or more or pulls shit out of his nappy and smears it. I don't love being ill in bed but still having to bf and look after nocturnal baby dd when all I want to do is crawl under the duvet and sleep for days.

I think the biggest myth of motherhood is that we're meant to "enjoy every minute". It's completely unrealistic.

MrsDeVere · 30/05/2013 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GibberTheMonkey · 30/05/2013 21:07

If my 4th baby had been my 1st...

Rowanred · 30/05/2013 21:09

I love loved the first 6 month with both dc's. Newborns are just so adorable, breastfeeding is easy and means they don't ever cry. And I think I am lucky to have had 2 babies that slept at least 6 hours in a stretch from birth! The first 6 months were a breeze!

I think it gets much harder when they're older. I definitely don't adore every moment now they're toddlers- its propper hard work now!!

redbunnyfruitcake · 30/05/2013 21:10

In all honesty I hated being a mum for the first 2 years. I loved my DD but hated the change it brought to my life, my loss of freedom, career, identity etc. I had moved house and city and was isolated and unhappy. I never imagined it would get better and it felt like a life sentance had been handed down to me. I know all that sounds incredibly selfish but that's the truth of it for me. However, from 2 onwards I started to enjoy my time with DD much more, started getting more help and made friends in my local area which all helped.

Now DD is nearly 4 I enjoy motherhood so much more but still have those days when I am woken up at 6am and feel horrified that I am at DD's beck and call until at least 7pm. I am as a rule an extrovert who need lots of recharge time between activities. DD on the otherhand is an extrovert who thrives on constant activity. Sometimes this causes me to get stressed and irritable with her especially now I am 28 weeks with DD2.

Lizzylou · 30/05/2013 21:22

Ds2 was a breeze in comparison to Ds1.
I was far more relaxed and at ease, my life didn't change so much.

With Ds1, I remember crying watching women going out to work and also being incredulous that women at playgroup had time to paint their nails. I did then move to different town and found friendlier playgroups where people actually acknowledged me. Then all was good.

It's a big shock, motherhood!

Pigsmummy · 30/05/2013 21:37

I genuinely am loving the vast majority of the time I am having with baby, I suspect that this is due to the fact that I have a very stressful job and this maternity leave is a breeze compared to that. Baby (and therefore me) have slept reasonably since 7 weeks in. (except when she is poorly, see below).

The only downer is that baby and I keep picking up minor bugs/colds have had a bad bout of flu and tonsillitis due to hanging out with the kids at various baby plays and the like, also really hoped for a nice sunny summer not wet days! I have bought balls for the paddling pool.

I am dreading returning to work, I hope to have another baby and another maternity leave however I am nervous that baby number 2 might very different.

lurcherlover · 30/05/2013 21:49

Rowanred, I suspect a lot of mums would disagree with "bf is easy and means they never cry"...

VinegarDrinker · 30/05/2013 21:58

Yes, pmsl at BF babies don't cry. I bloody wish!

quesadilla · 30/05/2013 22:02

I think with motherhood it's possible to hold two totally contrasting feelings in your head at the same time. I can have moments when my dd (2.3) is clingy or tantruming or asking me the same question again and again and I can be extremely irritated by her behaviour and at the same time still love her beyond belief.
Maybe that's what this woman meant. I doubt she meant it in the absutely literal sense. Or she could simply just have been spouting platitudes.

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