AIBU to ask whether some people really do adore every minute of motherhood?

[emeraldgirl1]

Met a fellow new mum yesterday who, when I asked how she was finding it all, replied that she 'adored every minute.' She wasn't joking either :)

Now I adore my new baby more than life itself and we have some sublimely wonderful times together. But as anyone who has read any of my plaintive posts recently will know, I am not adoring every minute. I don't adore the sleep deprivation or the feeling that I may never feel like 'myself' again. I miss work and I miss spontaneity. I hated the breastfeding guilt.

It got me thinking, are there really people who do love it so much that they adore every minute?? I am genuinely interested to know as I do get a bit worried sometimes that I am doing it all wrong!!

I could not be happier with or more amazed by my special little bundle but every minute a delight??

Maybe she meant that the moments that are amazing are just so amazing you feel like your heart will burst...??

Can people seriously just love the whole experience that much? Or was it a bit of competitive mothering?

I think I get what rowanred was meaning. If my DDs were upset it was easy to stop them crying by shoving them on the boob.
(but the flip side of that was that DH doesn't have boobs so I got landed with lots of baby soothing!)

I don't adore every minute of anything. But some people always have to look on the bloody bright side of everything - exhausting.

The only thing I would say is that having a new baby had the weird effect on me of forgetting what the opposite frame of mind to the one I was in was like. So if I was feeling crap and desperate everything was shit and always would be, but if I was doing really well and feeling great I couldn't imagine that things could ever be bad again.

Sleep deprivation sends people a bit potty.

That may be an exaggeration, or may be catching someone at a good moment. Some people love the baby stage, often those who have very easy babies! I did love the 3-6 month stage.

Highs and lows - totally normal! I think the more friends you have that are mums, the more you see that.

erm yes, both of mine were bf and they bloody well cried!

Motherhood is a life long journey.

pace yourself.

It's for your whole life not just babyhood and so no some of it is shit actually. But lots is great.

well i certainly bloody didn't! it was so hard, knackering, my emotions were everywhere, i wasn't myself at all. the newborn stage is shit

it started to get much better at 6 months to 12 months, it was lovely. then it all went downhill again at terrible 2's (which started at 14 months for my child) now at 3 and a half it's fabulous.

as much as you love your kids, from newborn to adult, you don't always have to like certain stages.

emerald i've seen another post of yours, i promise you it gets so much easier and you'll get back to yourself soon enough, it's still early days for you, don't worry about it. you'll look back in a couple of years and won't believe how fabulous motherhood is, but it takes time to feel like that for ALOT of mums. it's normal in my opinion.

Adoring the baby stage is quite common I believe. I wouldn't know - I didn't really smile for the first seven weeks. Great that she's enjoying it so much. Give it time.

An easy baby definately helps! I have 3 kids, the first two were nightmare criers and had me up all night to the point where I was the walking dead from exhaustion. This time around I'm loving every minute. Possibly because I know she is the last, probably because she sleeps through the night and has done since 6wo, and she literally barely cries. The worst she does is a 5 minute whinge when she's tired. She's bf and only feeds 3 hourly, so even that's a doddle. She is gaining weight perfectly, smiles, laughs and is lovely.
I do realise that this can't last and she is probably going to be tantrum queen in a couple of years time.

Crikey, I've not even adored every moment of pregnancy, nevermind motherhood. There has been much that I've loved - the changes in my body, the hormonal tranquilliser, feeling the baby kick and squirm, the sense that I'm doing something very clever by growing a whole person.... But that has been tempered by the less fun side of things, the queasiness of the earlier months and the achiness of the latter ones, the feeling that you only ever have the same conversation over and over again and the change in status from working individual to mother.

I'm assuming parenthood will be much the same, bit of good, bit of less good... But surely it's impossible to adore something all the time?

I walked around in a glow of happiness for years when my first was born. I DID 'love every minute' in that sense though if you have read some of my other posts about said baby, now a teenager, you'll see that those happy days are well and truly over

God no.

I loathed the newborn phase,ditto my sister,ditto several friends.I've enjoyed and found most every other stage far easier.

Also babies differ- a lot.I had twins first.1 was angel baby,the other was pita needy baby from day one,at 3 he still didn't like me even getting a cup of tea at toddlers and would wail if he couldn't see me.Gorgeous,lovely,kind,bright child but besotted by mummy(he has grown out of this at 9 thankfully).He was always up like the lark and needed a lot of stimulation.I have to take crossword books to the beach and he always has to have a book on the go - that kind of temperament in baby form is a nightmare.

I suspect your friend will be less jubilant further down the line. Imvho those floating on their pfb new baby cloud first time have a far harder time of it 2nd time around ( and vice versa)and also find once they get moving(and aren't content to be cuddled and gurned at all day)harder to handle.

I adored motherhood. Every minute of it.

Although, wait, now you remind me about it....
There was that awful time when she didn't sleep for a week.....
Oh....and teething was a struggle ......
And potty training resulted in a carpet which stank for days and had to be replaced......
And ...............

Don't worry about it OP. I suspect your friend is actually just like you, but either a fraction less honest with herself or, more likely, has a mind which just glosses over the difficult bits. Its not deliberate, just that the hard bits float below surface thinking because overall you are having a good time.
Many of us do it.

I said at the time, and ever after that, that I genuinely loved every moment and stage of mothering. I meant (mean!) it. But if someone were to ask me how teething went etc I would start having to remember that this that or the other stage was "tiring" "hard work" or just plain "worrying".

Next time she presents the 'perfect' viewpoint, do sweetly ask how she finds broken sleep, or sore boobs, or teething. If those are all problem free ( ) then just wait until she hits the terrible two's Everyone struggles with something!!

With ds1 and ds 2 I pretty much enjoyed every minute. I had been working in a stressful job - and had enough. There are 22 months between them so I went back to work doing part time nights for a short while. Every other minute to be with them.

Ds1 was an easy baby. Ds2 not so much but I had got the Hang of things by then. I often say these were the best days of my life.

Then ds3 arrived - trying to recreate that happy feeling. I was (a lot) older. Juggling the needs of two older children and a baby who could be fairly fractious, very often. I won't say I didn't enjoy his babyhood but I found it much harder and not the bliss I was looking for.

Haha wait till her PFB is a strapping grumping 13 yo.

Youmeatsix hit te nail on the head. Some people get newborns that are predisposed to sitting gurgling instead of crying.

It's easy for a new mum with a newborn to think that every baby's as easy. Mine wasn't!

One of my friends had a baby that slept from 9-9 FROM BIRTH! Breast fed but obviously not through the night.

She couldn't understand why I co-slept with my constant sucker.

At 4 months old her dd decided she only needs 4 hours sleep a night with a couple if ten min cat naps in the day.

She very quickly started feeding her in bed to try and encourage her to sleep more.

Now they're both 16months she's still on 4 hours actual sleep and feeding the rest of the night
Whereas my dd self settles, sleeps 7-7.

I am doing my best never to be as smug as she was

I adored every minute of babyhood. I love being a mother - I love being a stepmother. I love bringing up children!

Oh yes i adored every second with the first, perfect child, never cried, slept well, fed well. couldn't understand why others struggled or moaned

The second and third...different story.

No I didn't, yanbu.

I did have PND after DC1 and didn't bond with him for the first 2 months. Felt like he was someone elses baby and they were going to come take him? It was all extremely hazy and very weird. I was so low . Also nobody warned me about colic, I didn't even know what it was and he had it from birth. He just screamed constantly so I felt like an utter failure for not knowing what to do for him. But once the colic passed and I started to get better and bonded with him I really did enjoy it. He was a great sleeper from about 4 months. Would happily go to bed at 6 p.m and sleep right through. He's remained a good sleeper tbf, he actually asks to go up to bed now aged 3 . He's also very placid and well mannered/behaved. If i'd only had him aside from the first couple of months i'd say parenting was an absolute breeze and joy...

DD's on the other hand whole different story. Talk about highly strung . DD1's latest thing is having a tantrum if I don't put my arm around her when she sits next to me . They've both been very attached to me, demanding I think is the right word.

Whilst I do enjoy MOST of parenting, I can't say I enjoy having two children screaming this ear piercing high pitched scream right in my face, or when they're over tired and throw tantrums/just have an utter melt down and I can't help them. Or when they have a poo in the morning, take their nappy off so when I walk into their bedroom shit is all over the floor... Ahh the joys of parenting, so glam.

You'll always get those optimistic 'turn everything into a positive' people though. FWIW I wouldn't want to be like that. I think it's healthy to feel more emotions than just happiness and optimism all of the time.

Every minute is optimistic! I'd say I adore about 50mins per hour
I sometimes prefer those minutes when she is sleeping even more though!

I love being a mother... on the whole. I hate the mindless domestic drudgery which accompanies it.

I think now ds is a preschooler I enjoy about 90% of the time with him.

I could squeeze him til he pops.

But my god he was the baby from hell, colic, poor sleeper, constant need for attention, awful. He didn't sleep through until he was three and a half, for the first year he screamed EVERY night from 6pm until 11pm, he was constantly shattered but wouldn't sleep and so would scream when I took him anywhere. And he had the loudest cry you've ever heard, it was deafening. I can remember when he was about 3 months old we had a couple of awful days where he slept only four hours in 48. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Now he's a great sleeper but we had to sleep train him. He's still not what I would term laid back, he still needs a lot of stimulation and won't amuse himself for longer than five minutes but the sleep makes a massive difference. I thought I was going to lose my mind during the first couple of years.

However many of my friends have had babies that slept through from about 6 weeks and their "cry" was a very quiet whinge before going to sleep. I definitely got the short straw baby wise. He's made up for it now though, which is just as well as I did consider ebaying him for a while.

I think those people that say that are the same ones with the SmugFamiliesAreUs.com FB statuses.

I also think they are the ones who, prior to motherhood, literally had nothing else in their lives.

I had a friend like this....and at the time I worried slightly it was me who wasn't normal. She didn't want to send her kid to nursery at 3 because "I just want to be with her all the time", went as early as possible to pick her up, used every excuse not to send her, couldn't wait for the holidays etc etc. But looking at this woman's life, husband in the army (so lonely and alone a lot of the time) brand spanking new house that her mother came to clean every day She literally only had her daughter to keep her "amused".

Meanwhile I just opened the nursery door, threw dd in the direction of the teachers and ran like fuck.

My best friend has two girls who both very rarely cried and slept at least 6hrs every night from night one, she loves the baby stage but even she had bad days!

My ds1 was a nightmare baby, very colicy and clingy but he did sleep well. Ds2 was a much happier baby but didn't sleep well until 7 months. I love them both to bits and I love being their mum but I didn't love every moment. I didn't love how they both spent a large chunk of me preparing tea screaming at me it tryin to juggle bf them and cooking and with ds2 entertaining a 3 year old all at the same time. I would smile down at them during a night feed and think I love you and don't mind being and others I'd think bloody hurry up and eat so I can go back to bed!

From 18 months I loved a lot more but a tantruming child who cannot be told no is hard to love at that moment, especially when they are hitting/kicking/biting you. I am one of those who doesn't want to send her children to preschool because I love having them at home and I childmind so have plenty to do all day and don't have a cleaner unfortunately I just love having my babies with me.

Having said all of that I'd do it again tomorrow if dh was agreeable :(

I don't think it's possible to enjoy every single minute! But I guess she was using a phrase which basically translates to mean she is happy and enjoying her life. I was the same when mine were babies but now I look back and realise it was hard work!

DD was a relatively easy baby, but I hated the first 3 months. I worried constantly and felt like I didn't have a clue what I was doing. I worried about being out on my own with her in case something happened I didn't know how to deal with. I still don't love every minute now (she's 2.5) but she is most definitely worth it!