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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Never to have sex with H again?

46 replies

StackOverflow · 30/05/2013 18:53

He just sent me this text:

I hate [stuff he hates] even more than you hate sex!

He thinks he is being funny - in the haha sense. I think he's being a whiney, passive agressive arse about it, and that this text alone is a damn good reason to give him plenty of actual reasons to whine.

We usually have sex at least twice a week, by the way, so it's not as though he never gets any.

OP posts:

trashcanjunkie · 30/05/2013 18:55

This sounds fucked up on so many levels! Please tell us the thing he hates...

Yama · 30/05/2013 18:56

I can't abide whiney passive aggression.

Personally, I only have sex with people I want to have sex with so on that basis alone YANBU.

Kormachameleon · 30/05/2013 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

trashcanjunkie · 30/05/2013 18:57

I don't think you should have to think in those terms - sex should be a mutual joy and pleasure.

musickeepsmesane · 30/05/2013 18:57

I would be wondering why he is expecting you to do something he hates twice a week. You should tell him you are very pleased he is acknowledging something important to you and you are happy that he is so understanding, no more sex

YANBU to never have sex with DH again, he can't be very good at it if you hate it

AnyFucker · 30/05/2013 18:59

Is he crap in bed then ?

lottiegarbanzo · 30/05/2013 19:02

So, he thinks you hate sex with him and hasn't thought about how that reflects on him? Either the non-enjoyment or his wanting you to do it regardless? He's not portraying himself well.

Original poster

StackOverflow · 30/05/2013 19:04

Love the replies, Korma and music - and I'm just about pissed off enough to actually try them on him.

As for stuff he hates ... apparently not getting to have sex whenever he feels like it is pretty high up on his list.

The thing is: the fact that he's always so whiney about it is actually a major turn off for me. And I've told him that many times before, so he really should know better.

OP posts:

Original poster

StackOverflow · 30/05/2013 19:05

... than to text me this while I'm at the fucking OFFICE doing, you know, WORK.

OP posts:

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 30/05/2013 19:09

That would piss me off so much I'd reply "I wouldn't hate it so much if it wasn't for the fact that you couldn't find my clitoris if I painted it luminous green and drew you a map."

tethersend · 30/05/2013 19:10

"That's unfair, I don't hate sex.

I just hate sex with you."

^ your reply.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 30/05/2013 19:12

Possible response to text:

"And I hate knobs who don't make it their business to make sex a fan-fucking-tastic experience for their wives, and then have the cheek to whine about not getting enough"

StuntGirl · 30/05/2013 19:13

Was this part of some text exchange, or did he just send this out of the blue?

HildaOgden · 30/05/2013 19:13

Tell him he's probably better at wanking than he is at seducing you,so perhaps he should just concentrate on that instead.

Or tell him to post on here,and we'll let him know where he's going wrong.

LittleMissLucy · 30/05/2013 19:15

Do men actually whine about sex? I don't think I could abide that and I'd be off like a shot...

Original poster

StackOverflow · 30/05/2013 19:17

StuntGirl, yes, there was an exchange - but it wasn't even remotely related:

Me: Yippie! [Work problem I'd been freaking out about has been resolved!]

Him: :)

Him: [Text in the OP]

Me: Not even remotely funny, you're way out of line, dude!

Haven't heard from him since. I hope he's not home for a while ... if he wants to live, that is.

OP posts:

trashcanjunkie · 30/05/2013 19:20

seriously though, what are you going to do about this?

waterlego6064 · 30/05/2013 19:23

Do you hate sex? What has made him think you do? Have you told him/made it very obvious?

I do think he is being a tool though.

Original poster

StackOverflow · 30/05/2013 19:32

No, of course I don't hate sex! I love sex - but on my terms, when I feel like it (and the other person, too, of course) and am up for it.

I do hate being guilt tripped and whined into sex. Who wouldn't? And, yes, I have given in to it before. I really shouldn't - because every time I do I feel less as though I actually want to sleep with him.

I respect him less for demanding and actually enjoying stuff he knows I'm not into. It's totally killing my desire to even be with him - never mind sex!

OP posts:

StrangeGlue · 30/05/2013 19:36

I hate hate hate this whiney, passive aggressive, nagging sex business some blokes do. One of the reasons I love dh is that he's the only bloke I've been in a relationship with who doesn't nag about sex and therefore we have more sex!

AnyFucker · 30/05/2013 19:37

You have sex you don't want, so he will stop whining ?

You do things that turn you off in a fruitless desire to please him ?

Do you know how all this sounds ?

MoodyDidIt · 30/05/2013 19:39

omg what a horrible thing to say

trashcanjunkie · 30/05/2013 19:44

hmmm I just feel so naive. I had no idea that this sort of thing went on between proper grown ups.

AnyFucker · 30/05/2013 19:56

It doesn't, TCJ. Or at least not in normal, functional relationships it doesn't

chandellina · 30/05/2013 20:06

I don't know, I think I can relate to this. A lot of men want more sex than they are getting and no matter how amazing it always is with my own dh, I don't always feel like it either, and don't like being hassled. Comes with the territory in relationships to not always be in agreement on quantity.

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