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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that all men want a son?

52 replies

MoanyYoni · 30/05/2013 16:55

When I was pregnant with my first DC, I didn't think about whether I had a preference for either a boy or girl, I was just overjoyed to be expecting a baby full stop. DH was the same, or so I thought, and if anyone asked it was all 'as long as its healthy' blah blah.

A few months after DS was born, DH admitted that he was longing for a son and would have been disappointed if he had been a girl. It shocked me really and got me thinking whether all men would prefer a son, whether they admit it or not?

OP posts:
Hassled · 30/05/2013 16:57

No, I don't agree - in the same way that I don't think most women really want a daughter (I know some do, but not most).

Offler · 30/05/2013 16:58

DP definitely wanted another girl second time round. We had a boy Grin

StuntGirl · 30/05/2013 16:59

YABU. Just because your husband wasn't open about his true feelings doesn't mean all men feel the same.

MrsBungle · 30/05/2013 17:00

My dh genuinely couldn't have cared less whether we had boys or girls. We had a girl first and then a boy. He was no more pleased with the boy than the girl. So, no, I don't believe at all that "All men" want a son.

HollyBerryBush · 30/05/2013 17:01

We have 3 boys. If truth be known, DH has never forgiven his mother for BIL Grin he so wanted a baby sister, and he would have liked daughters. I think he's banking on any GCs that might arrive being female.

Ah well, he's got the cat in the meantime!.

BakingWithToddler · 30/05/2013 17:01

My DH would say you are not only unreasonable but very wrong. We have two daughters and he feels our family is complete. He is delighted with our girls and when asked by other relatives about having a boy he doesn't see the point of their questions. He says most of the things people associate with having a son are things every parent can do with their child, regardless of gender. For example first time at a football match, first legal drink in a pub, kicking a football in the park. The only things he would have done with a son that can't be done with daughters are teaching them to wee standing up and shaving their chin!

BunnyLebowski · 30/05/2013 17:01

YABU.

Not all men are ridiculous macho idiots who have a misplaced preference for a child with a penis.

Mine certainly isnt.

TigerSwallowTail · 30/05/2013 17:02

Yabu, dp really wanted a girl, he now has 2 daughters and when we talk about ttc again he says he'd love if it was another girl.

itsnothingoriginal · 30/05/2013 17:03

We had a DS first time and then a DD but it was when we found out we were having a girl that my DH was completely overwhelmed with emotion and burst into tears at the scan. I genuinely think he wanted a girl!

GotAnyGrapes · 30/05/2013 17:04

Actually, if I'm honest I think it's actually the other way around, certainly for DH. We have four, two of each flavour and whilst I know that DH adores his boys and loves rough housing with them and kicking a ball around, there's a special kind of sparkle and magic between him and the girls esp DD1. When she was born (dc2) he literally couldn't stop grinning and it was as if his life suddenly had meaning. Both girls get away with far more than the boys do where DH is concerned.

HariboAndWine · 30/05/2013 17:04

My dh is besotted with our 2dd and wouldn't change them for the world. Do you even see why this might get people's backs up op?

TheBigJessie · 30/05/2013 17:07

Why on earth would you generalise from your husband to all men?

It's like making a thread entitled "my sister has just admitted she would shag President Obama. AIBU to think every single woman wants him too?"

Do you think men are like undercover Borg, and they're all secretly memebers of a collective, faking individuality for women's benefit?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 30/05/2013 17:07

YABU to assume that ALL men everywhere long for a son over a daughter. Don't think my DP would have been all that disappointed if DS had been a 2nd DD.

loofet · 30/05/2013 17:09

My dad always quite openly said he didn't want a son and was glad he only has a daughter. He's quite effeminate despite the big beard Grin and prefers clothes shopping, cinema etc to the stereotypical 'lad' things like football and cars if that means anything. My DH isn't any closer to our DS than he is to DD's either.

TheCraicDealer · 30/05/2013 17:09

I remember being little and asking my Dad if he wished my DT or I had been a boy. He went, "No, little girls give their daddies more CUDDLES!" _

Gigondas · 30/05/2013 17:12

Nope you can keep your prince among men as am quite happy with someone who isn't living in dark ages.

MaybeNotThen · 30/05/2013 17:12

No, I don't think all men would prefer a son, just as all women wouldn't prefer a daughter.

When I was pg, we both had the idea that we thought we would prefer a boy, as both of us grew up doing more traditionally 'boy' things (I never did dance, played with dolls etc), so we naively imagined that we would be at a loss.

We had a girl. And now she's here we've both realised that our experiences as children, and our preconceived ideas of what boys and girls do as children, were frankly bollocks.

I can see why people think they might have a preference before the baby is born, but I personally don't know anyone who still thinks the same once they have a child.

blondefriend · 30/05/2013 17:13

I think many people (men and women) don't realise the love they will have for their child until it is in their arms. I always wanted a daughter. I was almost scared of having a son because I was worried I wouldn't love him as much. That was until the moment he was placed in my arms and I realised gender has absolutely nothing to do with it. Some men might think they want a son until they are born. I think my OH did. But the moment my dd was born, not breathing and rushed to SCBU I saw fear and love in his eyes. He hasn't let her go since that day (not emotionally anyway). YABU.

KitCat26 · 30/05/2013 17:13

DH would have liked a son.

We have two DDs whom he loves immensely and wouldn't change for the world though. The girls are enough of a handful (in a good way) so two is definitely the limit!

meditrina · 30/05/2013 17:13

Plenty of threads over time here that show clearly that both men and women can harbour secret preferences for having a boy or having a girl. And ey might feel disappointed when their hopes are confounded (even thought know it's irrational).

YABU to attribute it only to one sex, and only one preferred sex of infant.

Titsalinabumsquash · 30/05/2013 17:16

As someone who's father left shortly after I was born because I failed to be a boy Angry I think this thread title is quite hurtful and btw your OH is an arse. People who have a preference over the sex of their child make me rage.

Original poster
MoanyYoni · 30/05/2013 17:17

Honestly don't want to offend, Haribo, it was just something I wanted other opinions on.

We now have a DD and and they have exactly the same relationship, he absolutely adores them both. He just wanted his DS first.

Incidentally, Bunny I would put DH in the 'macho idiot' category so maybe that's why Grin

OP posts:
UniqueAndAmazing · 30/05/2013 17:18

weirdly, DH thought he didn't have a preference, but thought that she probably wanted a boy.
then he decided that, actually, he'd prefer a girl (having never thought about it before)
now, he just wants a baby that doesn't scratch and rub and that will sleep through the night without scratching and rubbing.

imaginethat · 30/05/2013 17:23

No, in fact he absolutely did not want a son and took 4 yrs to accept when we had one. Men do gender disappointment too.

Peevish · 30/05/2013 17:24

No. What with it being 2013, not 1813.

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