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AIBU?

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Original poster

Really can't tell if I am - DP not helping look for houses

36 replies

Ihavenamechangeddd · 30/05/2013 13:42

We currently rent a house that we had to move in to as a last minute decision, its very expensive rent and not the best house but has served us fine for the past year. Now we're out of contract and looking for somewhere else.

DP lost his company last month, now freelancing. I'm a sahm.It's a struggle enough to find somewhere that'll accept us as we're not on housing benefit either, and we. Have 2 cats, no LL seems to like cats.

The real problem is DP refusing to look for anywhere or go to any viewings. I understand to a point, I've got more free time than him etc etc. but he's so fussy! There's only a couple of areas he'll consider and then they have to be to a certain standard.

The main things that's pissing me off is him refusing to make time to view them. I don't drive and always have toddler with me. We live a fair while away from areas we're looking at so I'd have to get at least 2 buses to the main town and then find my way from there to the house to view it, I don't know the area very well at all. Does this sound fair to you or am I being precious?

OP posts:
RoloDog · 30/05/2013 13:45

Does he want to move? I know you might have to, but does he want to, iykwim? He might be sticking his head in the sand so he doesn't have to deal with the hassle. Perhaps spell out exactly what will happen if you don't, so that he can see the benefits and not just the hassle?

QuintessentialOldDear · 30/05/2013 13:47

To be honest, I think any person who does not work and does not drive, and require the man who provides for her life to take time off (and so not earn) to help shortlist rental properties, precious.

Must you have cats if you rent?

As a landlord, I would not accept cats.

flanbase · 30/05/2013 13:48

perhaps he feels responsible for having to move because of costs and wants to avoid the issue. Perhaps stress another aspect of moving and see if this could give him a reason to start to look for other accomodation

HumphreyCobbler · 30/05/2013 13:49

It depends if your DH is working when you would have to look or not. If he is working then you would naturally need to do this yourself. If he is not working, or can arrange his time easily then he should be coming too, especially if he is the fussy one.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangeddd · 30/05/2013 13:50

He does yeah, he just doesn't want to have to think about it as he's busy trying to bring in money. I get anxious very easily so can't tell if I'm bring fussy about not wanting to do all the house hunting by myself. It's the schlepping around on buses with the toddler that puts me right off tbh, especially when I really don't know the area.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ihavenamechangeddd · 30/05/2013 13:52

We'd rather not have the cats but nothing we can do about them now! One of them is getting old and he'd never find a home if we tried to rehome him. The other one is cute and young but DP doesn't want rid of him.

OP posts:
GuffSmuggler · 30/05/2013 13:52

He can't be fussy if you are doing all the looking. Tell him he either accepts you are making this decision and he moves wherever you decide or he gets involved and helps.

HollyBerryBush · 30/05/2013 13:52

TBH, as much as we have an equal marriage, things like where we live are my responsibility. He was well taught by his parents Grin "if the wife is happy, you will be happy".

There's only a couple of areas he'll consider and then they have to be to a certain standard.

Best he lowers his standards

Original poster
Ihavenamechangeddd · 30/05/2013 13:53

And I haven't asked him to take a day off, just see if he can finish a bit earlier to make it back for last viewings at 5.30.

OP posts:
CloudsAndTrees · 30/05/2013 13:53

I think that as you're a SAHM it's fair enough that you do the leg work in finding properties to view, but you can't expect him to take time off work to do viewings. If you would be able to go in the evenings or at the weekends, then he should be willing to do that.

It depends on how many places you want to view. If you want to look at lots, then it's fair enough that you do it yourself, even if that does mean taking two busses. If you have narrowed it down to a couple of places, which you should be able to do if you have tight criteria, then he should be willing to go when he's not working.

The cats will make it much harder for you though, I wouldn't allow cats in my rental property.

HollyBerryBush · 30/05/2013 13:55

O/T - what is wrong with cats?

Dogs and children are a different matter - but cats?

nemno · 30/05/2013 13:55

If he is working and you aren't then I think it is your job to view and make a shortlist. It's what I've always done and seems very normal judging by the posts on the MN Property pages.

pictish · 30/05/2013 13:55

Well....if he's going to be fussy, he has to sort it out himself imo.

There is nothing worse than a person who won't put any effort into a notion, except to complain about someone else's efforts. Do fucking rude and ungracious...as well as damn lazy.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangeddd · 30/05/2013 13:57

I don't mind the short listing and ringing round estate agents, totally fine with that. I just don't want to go view them on my own when they're all ages away.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 30/05/2013 13:58

In terms of "knowing the area", you are going to have to eventually, anyway so it is better to have an overview now, before you move.

If you don't drive, then i don't think that you can complain about needing to get more than one bus, not everywhere that you need to gois going to be in reach of one route. I take my children to concerts/festivals all over the country and have to plan out numerous connections, even though i drive.

If you are a SAHP and have a toddler, then you do have them with you "at all times".

I would be prepard to do the first viewing and then if you think that you have found the house you want, insist he sees it before you accept it.

CloudsAndTrees · 30/05/2013 13:59

Holly, I'd rather a small dog in my rental property than cats. Cats either have litter trays inside or annoy neighbours by shitting in their gardens and messing up their plants. Cats are also quite likely to scratch things in a house. I know many don't, but a tenant might not be honest about whether theirs does or not if they are trying to persuade you to allow a cat.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/05/2013 14:01

Why is he insisting on an area you don't know? Why does he get the only vote on where you live?

Original poster
Ihavenamechangeddd · 30/05/2013 14:01

I guess I am BU. just a bit fed up, I don't think any landlord will accept us with no proof of regular income and 2 cats :(

OP posts:
QuintessentialOldDear · 30/05/2013 14:01

My husband did not even get to see the last rental property we moved into, I saw it, rang him, listed the pros and cons, made a decision and said "trust me, it is our best bet". In our areas good rental properties are gold dust, and unless we could give feedback there and then, somebody else would have snapped it up.

Dont forget, you can always offer under the asking price. 10% under should be fine as a starting point.

QuintessentialOldDear · 30/05/2013 14:02

"I don't think any landlord will accept us with no proof of regular income and 2 cats "

I fear you may be right. Sad

Can you get a job?

flanbase · 30/05/2013 14:05

you shouldn't have to go and look at properties on your own. It will speed up the process if he come along with you to give his opinion.

Original poster
Ihavenamechangeddd · 30/05/2013 14:07

I think I may have to quint. Would it make a difference if I worked part time or full time to a landlord, or is a job a job in their eyes?

Just been putting it off till I can drive and I don't think DP would be ok with helping getting ds to and from nursery some days. He's always been able to focus 100% on his work.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 30/05/2013 14:08

He can't have it both ways. Either he lets you look for the properties where you want and accepts what you find or he becomes engaged in the search process. Its not reasonable if he expects you to do all the legwork and then casually wanders in and vetoes anything that doesn't meet his exacting standards.

As a landlord I would be reluctant to rent to you.

DoJo · 30/05/2013 14:08

If you don't know the area, then taking the bus and finding your way should be a great way to learn about it, find your way around and get a feel for the place you hope to be living. It might not be AS easy with a toddler, but it's probably easier than taking time off work just for a prospective viewing of somewhere which might be completely unsuitable. Could you not arrange viewings for when he isn't at work if you really need him to come?

QuintessentialOldDear · 30/05/2013 14:11

"He's always been able to focus 100% on his work"

Well, he will have to focus 100% on his work and actually take part in family life at least 50% too. Especially if his income does not stretch to support the lifestyle you currently have.

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