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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be so sick of things being done to my overdue partner.

74 replies

ukfirestorm · 30/05/2013 12:23

7 days overdue now and just had a sweep, all seems so invasive, and unpleasant. She was told today she needs to try and overcome her fear of these procedures as it looks like we will have to wait for the induction whichis now booked.
Wish it would just get started, and the midwives have all been great, but so sick of interventions!

OP posts:

xylem8 · 30/05/2013 12:26

She can say no!

Sirzy · 30/05/2013 12:26

Well she could refuse interventions and just wait it out with very regular monitoring but that can be quite a risky method anyway

Just remember any interventions which are suggested are aimed to ensure your child is delivered safely.

QueenofDreams · 30/05/2013 12:30

I was 18 days overdue with DS, and 13 days overdue with DD. I refused induction both times. However, the down side to doing this is it is quite stressful having monitoring every day and midwives pulling the 'your baby could die any minute' line.

There are risks to refusing induction, this is true, but there are also risks inherent in being induced. And your partner doesn't need to 'just get over it' she has a right to decide what happens to her body. This is clearly spelled out in the NICE guidelines but, IME, care providers tend to forget about this fact in their eagerness to enforce 'hospital policy'.

JaquelineHyde · 30/05/2013 12:30

She has every right to say no and wait for nature to take its course.

How does your partner feel about intervention.

I currently have a sleeping 4 week old led on me who was 13 days late. I had sweeps, was induced (failed) and then had my waters broken to start labour.

DH hated all the intervention but we went ahead with it all as we were just desperate to get it over and done with.

Good luck, it won't be long now.

BeerTricksPotter · 30/05/2013 12:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gwenniebee · 30/05/2013 12:38

She does have the right to say no if she doesn't want them. They are unpleasant (I had lots - dd was 12 days over) but I can honestly say that while it was infuriating having all this stuff done to no effect at the time, it all fades away when you actually have the baby.

Won't be long, whatever happens! Good luck!

AprilFoolishness · 30/05/2013 12:44

Oh bless you both. Presumably you don't have any interventions scheduled for the weekend? Of course it's important to keep an eye on movements etc, but babies sometimes come when their mothers are able to properly relax and feel ready - could you try and have a very calm, home-based weekend with lots of sex and curry and all other old wive's tale remedies?

5madthings · 30/05/2013 12:45

She can refuse as a others have said.

Also the midwife sounds a bit crap tbh telling her to 'get over' her fears is not helpful, being supportive, kind and patient and caring would have been.

Also of she found the sweep uncomfortable she could ask for gas and air (if in hospital).

Good luck hope things all get going on their own.

Justfornowitwilldo · 30/05/2013 12:53

The midwife can feck off. She doesn't have to have sweeps.

EglantinePrice · 30/05/2013 12:54

what everyone else said. She doesn't have to have them.

Also lots of people go 7 days over but don't end up being induced. It could happen any time. Most women go into labour naturally by 10 days over.

I hate the attitude 'get over it' that's disgusting from a midwife. Where's the empathy and support?

Pigsmummy · 30/05/2013 13:03

Sweeps aren't that bad, uncomfortable yes but only like a smear test. However if she tensed then it would make it more uncomfortable and maybe this is what they made the "over coming the fear" comment?

Is this her first sweep? They can offer up to four? also booking an induction doesn't mean that you will need it but that the relevant staff are available that day should it come to that. (a lot of the time baby arrives before induction appointment). Your partner can refuse another sweep if she found it so bad.

These things are in the interests of your baby and partner, if you are going to the birth partner then I think you need to realise that as internal examinations, discomfort (read pain), blood and some intervention (checking cervix dilation, baby heart beat, removal of placenta) go with the territory. Sorry for lack of sympathy but once that baby is here then all that will be forgotten.

Fakebook · 30/05/2013 13:11

I wish someone had told me I could say no to all these invasive procedures with my first dc. I had a horrible first birth experience because of the constant "sticking fingers, tubes and hooks" up my vagina. It left me terrified.

You can say no. If she's finding the sweeps uncomfortable, then I can only say the induction will be 10x worse as it turns into a military operation getting the baby out. They will do everything to start labour with full force.

Say no.

badguider · 30/05/2013 13:11

She is within her rights to refuse sweeps but they are the ONLY thing proven to bring on labour at full-term if it is not coming on by itself.

And there are a number of risks to the baby at over 42 weeks gestation.
(though many people believe that 41 weeks should be the EDD rather than 40).

How many weeks/days will she be on her booked induction day? Has she been offered another sweep between now and then? (usual in my area is two sweeps between 41 and 42 weeks then induction at 42 weeks).

Also, during induction/labour, she doesn't have to have lots of vaginal exams, she can request these only if there is cause for concern, but without them you won't really know if the induction is working or not.

5madthings · 30/05/2013 13:14

pigsmummy i have had numerous sweeps with each of my five pregnancues and they can be painful, its very dependent in the oerson doing them and the position of the cervix and how 'ripe' it is.

yes being tense and nervous will make it worse but telling a womam 'to get ovet it' is not helpful.

its not always in the best interests of the baby, intervention carries risks. and you dont always get over it or forget about it once the baby is here safely. the idea that women should just put up and shut up and be grateful to have their baby at the end is bollocks.

everything shoukd be explained with pros and cons so women can make an informed choice and women need help and support to feel comfortable and secure. a good midwufe will help put a woman at ease and explain what they are doing and why. thry can stop if a sweep is hurting etc.

yes having a baby hurts tho with good pain relief (if the mothet wants) it doesnt have to. even if a woman doesnt want pain relief (i didnt) a good supportive midwife can make it a good experience.

Fakebook · 30/05/2013 13:21

Pigsmummy, I respectfully disagree. It's not all forgotten. I had my dd nearly 6 years ago and I still remember the internal examinations I had, and there is no way on earth I'd let them do it to me again with a closed cervix. I remember that birth experience better than ds's and that was only 16 months ago.

5madthings · 30/05/2013 13:27

exactly fakebook!!

my ds1 is 13 and i still remember the vile consultant who manhandled me and insisted on performing a sweep when a midwife had already done one minutes before. he ignored me crying in paim as he pulled my legs apart (spd) and told me i was'supposed to be uncomfortable as i was pregnant' . he was horrible and the midwife aplogised for my treatment. the sweep she had done was fine and she had let me find a position comfortable for me with my spd etc. she took the time to listen to me and make sure an unpleasant procedure was as ok as it could be. unlike the vile consultant who spoke over me and ignored my pain and refusec to discuss why he wanted to do the procedure again. unfortunateky i was 19 and didnt know then that i could have refused.

5madthings · 30/05/2013 13:28

my next four were much better and ds1's birth tho long and drawn out was actually fine as i had good midwives.

Original poster

ukfirestorm · 30/05/2013 13:35

Partner's views are that the midwives probably know best, and that she will go with what they say, It was me that asked isf she has to be induced today, and the midwife told us that we didnt, but told us the placenta is not designed to last much longer.

OP posts:

5madthings · 30/05/2013 13:44

well policy in most hospitals is to induce at term.plus 14 days. so you have a bit of time yet. when are they wanting to induce?

did they say how favourable her cervix was?

and midwives may not always know best and rhey are bound by hospital policy etc.

if you choose to be induced i woukd make sure they know your wife is anxious and ask for gas and air as tgat may help for examinations etc.

i have been induced with all five of mine and it can go well and be a positive experience, my births were :)

you are her extra voice, sounds like you are vety caring and supportive :) good luck.

ChameleonCircuit · 30/05/2013 14:13

I saw my acupuncturist at 12pm, two days overdue. 12 hours later my waters went, 6 hours after that, DS arrived. If you're anywhere near Leeds I can recommend him.

Your partner does have the right to refuse any intervention, as PP have said. She should be given all the relevant facts to enable her to make an informed decision on how to proceed. I'm sending "imminent spontaneous labour vibes".

Badvoc · 30/05/2013 14:16

Not all inductions are horrendous you know!
And they are done for a reason.
The placenta will only last so long.
If your partner is happy to trust the midwife, why aren't you?

Longdistance · 30/05/2013 14:20

I refused sweeps with both my pg. Mw was fine about it.

MissStrawberry · 30/05/2013 14:23

Try old wives tales.

What worked for me was a walk, curry for dinner with rhubarb and custard with the same dessert the following day. Baby born by bed time at 6 days over.

Good luck.

PollyIndia · 30/05/2013 14:26

As 5madthings says pigsmummy, sweeps can be very intense. The consultant did my first one when I was 12 days overdue - I refused them before then as I don't think they do anything if you aren't ready. He stretched my cervix from 1-3 cm and I went into labour the next day and he was born exactly 2 weeks overdue. Maybe I would have gone into spontaneous labour anyway, but I am sure the vigorous sweep hastened it along.

Midwives have a process to follow - average gestation in this country is 8 days over I seem to remember reading and your partner is only 7 days over. It's very common to go more overdue.

I agree, I would refuse interventions until there are no other options, but you need to understand the process to be able to do that. I had decided I would take induction if I got to 15 days over so having a sweep at 12 days was kind of a last throw of the dice.

Good luck - hope it all happens tonight for her and the sweep has done the job!

QueenofDreams · 30/05/2013 14:26

I have to clarify that I didn't refuse sweeps, just induction. For both children, it was a sweep that got me going. In fact I think it was the same midwife that did the successful sweep both times. Apparently she's referred to as 'magic fingers' because she's done so many successful sweeps

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